long term boyfriend joining the Military

on Nov 30, 2010 @ 01:12 pm

My boyfriend is going back to the military in January. We've both decided we want to be together for a very, very long time and he says he's going back so that we can "have the best life". I didn't really get a say in the matter, I mostly just told him whatever he decided to do I'd be supportive but the truth of it is I'm not supportive! I don't want him to be gone for months at a time even if he believes he's doing it for us and our future. I have no interest in talking him out of going, the army is his passion in life just like dancing is mine and he'd never talk me out of dancing. I just want to know how to deal with him being gone for so long and the stress of being a "military wife". No one I know is going through this and I'm wondering if any of you are dealing with it and if so, how? I love this man with all my heart and can't picture my life without him for more than a day. Please help me out ladies, I'm really at a loss.


9 Replies

:( on Dec 01, 2010 @ 09:47 am

I'm so sorry that you have to cope with this! It must suck that you won't be able to see your significant other for long periods at a time...

How long is planning to stay in the military for?

I can't say I've had any experience in this area, so my advice prob won't be accurate... but although joining the military may be his passion, it's also something that'll separate the two of you and may take a toll on your relationship - quite unlike dancing, unless you're devoting all your time to it and rarely see him. If you're this adverse to it you should voice your concerns

friend and sister on Dec 01, 2010 @ 10:03 am

I don't have experience with being a military wife myself but I have a sister-in-law and a friend that are both dealing with that right now.

They talk/text a lot and you have to make sure you always share your feelings, otherwise it will drive you crazy! My sister-in-law lives with him now and my friend is planning on going to live with her boyfriend next year as well.

I won't lie, it will be tough but it does get better! I can't imagine what military wives/girlfriends go through but like I said earlier, communication is the key. You have to be strong for yourself and for the relationship and you will see how much better it gets later on.

I hope this helps a little bit! Good luck to you and your boyfriend.

this is tough on Dec 01, 2010 @ 10:38 am

I don't have any experience with this myself but I can imagine how tough this must be for the both of you.

If this is something that he is passionate about (not to mention very honourable of him) then I don't think you should try and talk him out of it, but I see no harm in discussing your concerns with him.

Be strong!

Ask him? on Dec 01, 2010 @ 12:42 pm

Explain your love, fear and feelings towards him joining the military and ask him for guidance on how to cope with him being away for so long. I'm sure he has lots of military buddies who've gone through what you're about to go through so he might have a ton of insight on the subject. Also, having your man be your main support is a huge support in itself. Good luck! *hugs*

Thanks so much! on Dec 05, 2010 @ 02:20 pm

Thanks so much everyone for your tips! I'm not sure how long he's planning on staying in the army, I guess I should ask him. You all mentioned things that hadn't occured to me like talking to his friends girlfriends (a lot of them are army wives). I really appreciate all the advise and support, you guys are all amazing!

Ali de Bold
That's tough on Dec 06, 2010 @ 11:26 am

What a hard thing to go through! I think everyone gave you great advice. Knowing me, I'd probably try to talk him out of it but that could make him resentful since this is something he really wants to do. You sound like a very supportive girlfriend and I think you have the right approach. Big hugs!

DId you sign up for this? on Dec 16, 2010 @ 01:30 pm

My only comment/question is whether or not you signed up for this. It's one thing if he tells you he is going to be working 1000 miles away or even if he tells you he wants to be a police officer (dangerous career).. but he is telling you that he will be miles away and in danger on a daily basis.

There are a million ways for him to provide a better future for your family that does not involve him risking his life. I understand that this is something that he wants to do but you have to make it CLEAR to him that his decisions.. all of them.. have consequences. If you are not ready to be a military wife you need to let him know now so he has the choice to stay or leave knowing that the relationship is over.

Verdict? on Dec 17, 2010 @ 02:45 pm

I hope you've been able to get some advice and comfort from his friends' girlfriends. Have you figured out what to do yet?

Ex Military GF<- on Feb 26, 2011 @ 11:30 am

I had a relationship with a guy in the military so I'll over my 0.02 cents.
If you are a needy person it will not work.

What I mean by "needy" is:
1. Do you always have to have your phone with you - just in case "something"
2. Do you go out just because it's Friday and you don't want to be alone?
3. Do you see 3-5 different faces a day (outside of who you run into at school/work) on
purpose because you just wanted someone to watch TV with?

If you are the type of girl who has a huge social circle and isn't comfortable being alone a military relationship will drive you nuts because the reality is that you will not see him all that much.
You have to really enjoy your own space for such a relationship to work.
These relationships tend to work best with the "loner" personality.

You need to be supportive of what he's doing and if you're not that's a tell tale sign that you won't survive.

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