Mean Bestie... Help

on Feb 23, 2012 @ 11:27 am

So my best friend can sometimes be sort of mean. One of my main problems is that whenever I go to the mall without her, she gets really angry at me, and won't talk to me until I apologize. The thing is, is that whenever I go to the mall, it's usually really last minute. She can't understand that, though, so every time I go to the mall, I have to call her and ask if she wants to come. It's getting really annoying. Plus, whenever we go together, we only go to the stores SHE wants to go to. And for the most part, we like the same stores, but there are a few stores that I like that she's never been into before, and she just says that those stores have ugly clothes or makeup. 
  Please help! Thanks in advance :)

2 Replies

Bestie needs a reality check on Feb 23, 2012 @ 12:34 pm

Girlfriend, it sounds like you have a bit of a one-sided friendship here. She may be amazing in every other way, but this attitude of hers as you've described it is really selfish.

If you don't mind my asking, how old are you two? It might just be a maturity thing. However, if you guys are already in your late teens/20s, this is completely ridiculous and she needs to relax.

I'd say "talk to her" but that can be tricky as she's likely to get defensive. You might just ask her why she gets bent out of shape about this. Is it because you hang out with other people when you go to the mall? Or is it that she feels like there's distance in your friendship and she's worried about losing you?

One thing is for sure - when people start putting you down and try to control your relationship, this is often a sign of insecurity. It makes her feel better to be the alpha female, and there's nothing wrong with that in theory... as long as it doesn't happen at your expense.

Assuming she is insecure, be sensitive to that fact and kind in the way you talk to her about this situation. I would not suggest you ask her straight out if she's insecure because she'll probably deny it or become angry. However, it's important that you stop being the doormat in this relationship or your friendship will turn toxic.

My best friend in high school called me out (in a loving way) on something I did / an attitude I had at the time. I was really embarrassed to have that conversation but it changed our relationship for the better!

Frenemies on Feb 23, 2012 @ 01:24 pm

Sounds all very "Mean Girls/Regina George"-esque to me!

I think you take a look at what you are getting out of the relationship and what she is as well. If it's all give, give, give and no take, take, take (for you) then it's time to dissolve the friendship! You don't need someone in your life who takes you for granted.

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