Men vs Women, who loves "more"?

on Dec 08, 2008 @ 03:12 pm

This is something I've wondered about for years, and I'm gonna make huge generalizations here for the sake of the argument. Do you think men or women love deeper, more, whatever?

Where is this coming from? So, in my experience I've noticed that we ladies dissect relationships, obsess about them, can have a hard time exiting them, etc. I'm sure guys think about such things too, but since they tend to keep to themselves more instead of talking about it with their friends. "So dudes, your honest opinion on my relationship with Nicole?" Nooooot.

My bf and I have been together for a long time and it seems like I love him more than he loves me. Not in a "I'm invested in the relationship more than he is" way, but in a "difference between the sexes" way. Our relationship is pretty solid, but he just needs me ... less than I need him. I think.

Obviously everyone and every relationship is different. Duh. But do you think generally that girls fall harder in love and guys - and let's play the caveman card, where biologically the males are more interested in conquest and sowing their oats compared to the woman who takes care of hearth and home - take the whole thing a little more logically? Like they know that they have a good thing and wouldn't want to ruin it, but are they in it because they are deeply, madly attached to her?

This probably makes no sense. I guess I'm trying to determine if I've just never really met a truly head-over-heels guy (including my male relatives) or if there's something to what some anthropologists have suggested about our basic biology and how that affects our social behaviour.

8 Replies

Different ways on Dec 09, 2008 @ 09:46 am

I disagree that women love more deeply or fall harder in love than men. I think you can find a man out there that is as head over heels as a girl is. I just think that sometimes women think that a man should 'show' he is head over heels in love the same way a women does and that is not always the case. I think men and women are equally capable of loving, being in love, falling in love but it just 'looks' different than we (women) would expect it to look.

Ali de Bold
I agree with Anonymous on Dec 09, 2008 @ 09:55 am

The way a person shows their love can differ between genders and from person to person.

What makes me sad is that you say you feel you love him more than he loves you. That can't feel good. When these situations arise I always recommend the Bitch books: Why Men Love Bitches and Why Men Marry Bitches by Sherry Argov. It may sound like a silly response to your problem but I find these books to be so wise and helpful and it helps you understand men better and what they respond to (or don't).


from what i've seen.... on Dec 09, 2008 @ 11:55 pm

in any relationship, one side always tends to be a bit more mushy showy than the other. I always found, that when one side was more attached, the other side tended to be less so. I remember telling my friends who wondered why their bf's didn't care as much as they did, that they shouldn't be so unreserved 'easy' with their love and affections (or at least don't show it), they shouldn't chase after his affections, rather if they hold back he'll start 'chasing' them. I think of it as, we never appreciate what is readily available, so one partner doesn't appreciate the other when the other's affections is too readily available.

i hope that makes sense! i've been so busy with exams as well as work that am a bit snowed under and am not making much sense to myself right now....


I totally get that on Dec 10, 2008 @ 08:13 am

I used to feel this way about one of my ex boyfriends, and he cried when I left him and did everything to try and get me back. It isn't always nice to be the one who loves back a little less or with less intensity. With my last boyfriend he was less inclined to express his love, but I know this was merely a personality thing, and his belief that feelings are "for chicks".

My current boyfrined is crazy about me, and while I love him very much I get the feeling that he needs me more than I need him. He is very emotional and not into traditional roles/ideas about men and women. And it may be that my personality has changed over the years, I'm not as needy or clingy towards men, and expect less of them now than when I was younger.

So I have had it both ways many times, and I have come to conclude it is mostly the personality of the guy, as well as the girl. As one of my ex's pointed out when I whined about this, "I wouldn't be here if I didn't love you". I think guys are more likely to end a relationship than us ladies, so it's true they care if they stick around!

Some girls cannot stand to not be adored by their loved ones, and need the needy guy, while some girls are fine with guys who reign in their affections somewhat. A couple has to realize what it is that each other needs and try to indulge each other once in a while - all about balance!

On a side note I once had a guy tell me the secret to a great marriage is to marry someone who loves you more than you love them! I wonder if they still think this!!!

. on Dec 17, 2008 @ 11:27 pm

girls can get away with being needy to a greater degree, as opposed to the converse, where if a guy starts to favor the aroma of that which they call neediness, you guys have a pretty quick hook about that. as if to say, 'this guy is really no longer a guy because he's just given me his spine.' am i generalizing like everybody else? of course, but i think from the responses we have here, we can view it as a whole and see that there really isn't a 'right answer'. it can happen both ways and it does happen both ways. it's a science.

Anonymous 3546
Different ways men and women love on Dec 18, 2008 @ 03:26 am

I would have to say it is "in general" a difference in the sexes kind of way. Yes, some men are crazy for their girlfriends and wives, but our biology is different. Our brains are different and we feel things differently. It may not be you love him more, but you love him more in the romanticized sort of way? Just a thought. Think about how men and women love their children, or more specifically the way they express that love for their children. This is also different. Have you ever read the 5 Love Languages? It may shed some light on things. Take care.

the love doctor on Nov 08, 2011 @ 05:28 pm


it's the same on Nov 09, 2011 @ 09:29 pm

I think men and women love the same amount but show it in different ways. Women use words like I love you and guys show love by actions liking fixing your or buying them gifts


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