Mid-20s and still immature "drama"

on Nov 15, 2009 @ 04:39 pm

I must admit, I feel somewhat silly asking for advice on the following situation as it seems rather immature to me, but that is exactly the problem; I haven’t had to deal with anything this... ridiculous? since high school, let alone grad school and therefore am a bit lost in dealing with it. I apologize in advance for the long story…Recently I was at a bar with some friends and other students from my program for a get-to-know-each-other sort of night. Long story short I started talking to a guy who is in most of my classes but who I haven’t spoken to much outside of class. I was pleasantly surprised with how nice/gentlemanly he was and how well we got along. Eventually his friends left for another bar and he decided to stay behind with me, more drinks were had, we wound up at a club with two of my friends and ultimately wound up drunkenly dancing/kissing for a few hours. Here is where it gets odd, the four of us leave the club and are walking to find a cab, still this guy is being quite nice, talking about how happy he is to find fun people to hang out with, gives me his coat again, the usual stuff. I start walking with another of my friends just for bit and when I turn around for a second I see my other friend kissing this same guy. Now I am a very non-confrontational person, so what do I do? Ignore it and for the short remainder of the night I am not terribly nice to this guy, i.e. when he asks if I want to go to a party with him the next night I give him a bit of the cold shoulder etc….Fast forward to the next morning when I am talking to this friend who kissed him and she casually mentions that she feels bad because she kissed this guy last night and she shouldn’t do that because she has a boyfriend (they have been dating for around 4 years). I pull the whole “funny thing cause I did too” and she laughs it off and claims not to have noticed – unlike our other friend who was there who said that it was pretty hard to miss. Anyway she continues saying that she should probably break up with her boyfriend because she kissed this guy. Now I should also note that I found out she has been sleeping with another one of our friends since September and has been trying to keep it hidden.In summary: it is now a week later, I have not spoken to this guy since even to the point of not making eye contact in our classes (some of which are rather small too) and with each class it seems to be getting increasingly awkward (this may also be due to the fact that in each class my female friend has sat next to me). My initial reaction would just be to not care and shrug him off as a dirtbag… here comes the but: from what I know of him he is actually a very nice guy who has the same interests as me and is really intelligent – and even if nothing were to come of this relationship-wise I think he would be a good friend. Not to mention I am beginning to think more and more that the person I should be disappointed with is my female friend.Anyway I am lost, I don’t deal with “drama” but I feel like ignoring the situation is not an option seeing as my program/classes are small and I will surely have to interact with this guy and this girl a lot over the next year. Again I know this sounds silly and perhaps alcohol-induced but it still makes for an uncomfortable class atmosphere. Any advice is much appreciated!

2 Replies

Both immature on Nov 15, 2009 @ 08:04 pm

If he was really into you, he wouldn't have started kissing her. It sounds like he was looking for a hook up and trying multiple actions.

She sounds like someone who should not be in a relationship since she clearly can't be trusted. I wouldn't choose this sort of person to be my friend either.

I'd avoid them both and spend time with people who have left that sort of behaviour in high school.

Really? on Nov 15, 2009 @ 08:43 pm

So you are planning on dating someone who cheated on you before the
relationship even began? If he was a good guy and he was genuinely
interested in you he would not have been kissing someone else. Period.
End of story. No matter how much you want it to be different. He kissed
your friend, in front of you, minutes after he kissed you. Save
yourself a world of excuses heartache and denial.

Your friend is not your friend or she wouldn't have kissed that guy in
front of you the same night you were kissing him. She can live her life
the way she wants and its none of your business what she does. Its up
to you to avoid morons and dirtbags. Let her kiss him all she wants and
let him be the 3rd guy she kisses every night they go out. Your other
friend, her boyfriend and the new guy can share her if thats what shes
in to.

Alcohol-induced excuses are a joke. People think that a liquor bottle is an excuse for being an idiot.. its not. All it does is make it funnier when you laugh about them.

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