Military Spouse Advice


bethanito
on Jul 08, 2015 @ 02:46 pm

My husband and I have only been married for six months now, though we've been living together for almost two years. In that time we've barely spent any time apart. At the beginning of our relationship (I'm talking first couple of months) I went away to Italy for 6 weeks, and that was hard enough. But now that we've been living together for so long and haven't spent more than a week apart, I've come to a difficult point.

My husband is in the process of joining the military, and while he would not be in a combat role (he would be a non-commissioned officer working as a tradesman), he still has to go away for basic training. Basic training is three months, and in that time I wouldn't get to see him. I have never lived on my own, my family is in another province, and all of a sudden there will be a province in between us. There is a very real possibility that he will be going to basic training in August, and I'm not coping well with the idea of him going, especially because I don't drive and we have three pets and I work as well. I struggle with anxiety and depression, and already have had a few panic attacks at the thought of him being gone for so long.

I know three months doesn't sound very long for some people, but for me it feels like a very, very long time. I was just curious if there were any other ladies here whose spouses are in the military, or any other job that requires your spouse to be gone for extended periods of time. How do you deal with being alone? This isn't my hometown and I don't really have very many friends here, and I already feel quite isolated. What are some tricks that help the time pass, or help get you through really tough moments? All help and advice would be greatly appreciated!
 


8 Replies


Kylee
Military Spouse on Jul 08, 2015 @ 02:54 pm

Being apart from your spouse is really hard, it's not an easy thing to go through. And 3 months is quite a long time so don't feel like you're the only one who feels that way because you are not! Whenever me and my boyfriend spend long periods of time apart I just try my best to keep myself distracted. If you feel a sad or anxious thought coming along quickly distract yourself by doing something productive. Maybe something like reading a book, organizing a room, painting, exercising, writing in a journal, cooking/baking, making a photo album, etc.

Also if you are only part time maybe ask for full time hours for the time being. That way if you are busy with work you will have less time to think about it because work is a great distraction.

Can you still keep in touch with your spouse? Maybe you can set a time everyday or two to talk to each other.

And remember that there is nothing wrong with feeling sad and missing your spouse, but this will just make your relationship that much stronger!

Even though you don't feel it right now, but in time you will get through this just hang in there.

Good luck with everything, keep your head up! :)
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bethanito
Military on Jul 08, 2015 @ 03:04 pm

I was thinking about distractions, and my first thought was: well, my house is going to be SPOTLESS by the end of it, haha. I was also thinking of doing a workout plan because I need to get in shape, and this way I can be really focused on that without distraction. I kind of wish I was still in school (I just finished university) because then I'd have that as a distraction, too.

Luckily I'm pretty sure we're allowed to talk every night. He does have a time limit, and of course it will have to be in the evenings when they aren't training, but they don't forbid phone calls.

My grandfather was a captain in the navy, so I've been talking to my grandma a lot about how she dealt with him being away at sea, and having that in common with her has also made us bond more. It's nice to know I can call her and she's been in the same place.

Thanks for the ideas! :)
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Kylee
Military on Jul 08, 2015 @ 04:07 pm

Well that sounds like a perfect idea to keep you occupied and keep your mind off things! Working out helps so much, it gives us endorphins which make is happy. So it will help you keep positive during this time. I struggle with anxiety myself and I find that working out and eating healthy helps me so much, and hey if we have a working mind and body then why not use it to our advantage?

That is good that you have a family member that was in the military before, so that way he can give you great advice because he's been there.

Stay strong!! And remember there's lots of awesome Chicks on here you can talk to and get advice from at anytime.
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complete_cutie
It's not easy on Jul 11, 2015 @ 12:21 pm

my boyfriend and I have a province separating us as well due to his work. It's not easy but it does make it so sweet when you're reunited. As tough as it is, absence absolutely makes the heart grow fonder.

I just keep myself busy and in a good routine. I go to work, the gym, cook a lot..... I just keep the days passing quickly. Sometimes I find the days fly by. Keep your chin up ❤️
Reply

prettyrainbow
Military on Jul 12, 2015 @ 12:44 am

I'm glad you are able to share your concerns and feelings with your grandmother. Although she lived through it during a different time period, the worry and pain were probably much like your own and I'm sure she will be able to give you some sound advice.

One of the positives is that you'll be able to talk to your husband on the phone and if he can do this daily, it's a good way to ease your worries. Focus your conversations on looking forward to being together again instead of dwelling on the fact that you're apart. I know how difficult it can be when you're away from the person you love. It's a subject I know too well and the comfort I can offer is that on the day you are both together again, you'll appreciate each other even more than you ever realized.

What helps me, personally, is to prepare for his arrival by either making him a handcrafted gift or going shopping for some of his favorite things and having them ready for him when he returns.

Three months can either be the longest days you've experienced or they can fly by quickly. Remember, it's all in your mind. Every day has the same 24 hours it's always had. It just seems longer when you're waiting impatiently for the person you love to get back home. You'll see that by keeping busy and focusing on the positives, it will help make the waiting a little easier. Explore the city, meet up with friends, pamper yourself for his return home, take a weekend trip to visit your family or have your family come to you. These are all things that can help you cope. Don't forget, the ChickAdvisor forum is a great place to seek advice if you're feeling overwhelmed or stressed. Hopefully you'll find some of the answers you were seeking here.

All the best!

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rogersresaca
spouse away on Jul 12, 2015 @ 03:01 pm

Hi Bethanito, I know how it feels to have a spouse in the military. My ex was and I lived with his parents while he was away & I worked. Total nightmare living with them. I found working helped, reading, doing crafts or scrapbooking and walking. Now, I'm remarried for almost 20 years and we've never been apart either. My brother just experienced this with his wife. She joined the National Guard and was away for 5 months total. He got through it by working, writing letters to her, and enjoying the outdoors. It will be a new experience for you both, whatever you do, stay in your own home. He will be able to call you too, look forward to the calls. This will make you a stronger woman and prove you can handle anything. I'm always a message away if you want to talk also. It will seem depressing for a few weeks but eventually you will learn he's doing what's best for you both. As each day passes, it gets easier, keep focused on your job, pets & your hobbies. Then the time will pass by quickly for you. I will be thinking of you & you know to message me anytime (day or night) and I will chat with you to keep you company. Take care Bethanito & keep strong, Ginger.
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bethanito
. on Jul 12, 2015 @ 09:28 pm

Thank you, ladies, for the wonderful support and advice! We'll be finding out by the end of the month, most likely, so the time is coming to see if/when he leaves. Although he's basically in the last stage of the process now and is just waiting on a minor surgery before they give him the go ahead. Hopefully my parents will come to visit at some point when he's gone; I'm graduating in October and he might be away then. We'll see how things go!
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danayyc
you can do it! on Jul 12, 2015 @ 09:31 pm

What happened in my life was not expected, but ultimately I ended up living on another continent thousands of miles away from my family. I have to say, things are a lot easier now with Skype and Facetime and all the other options than they were 15 years ago when there was msn messenger and that was about it. It's hard to feel isolated and alone but try to make sure there are people you can at least Skype with when you feel the worst. You can do it!
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