Mother in laws


rogersresaca
on Feb 06, 2015 @ 07:33 pm

Why is it that the worst Mother in law think she can tell her son's wife what she thinks of her in degrading remarks and hurtful comments and expect her not to say a word?? His Mom has always been a busy body and never had time for her sons. He doesn't have a good relationship with them. But, she thinks she can say whatever ugly insults to me and expect me to keep quiet. If I say anything, She claims I'm lying. I'm about to tell her how life is!!
 


9 Replies


Griechux
sad on Feb 16, 2015 @ 09:52 pm

First, im sorry you have to experience this.
Second, i know it might be hard, but try not to take it your heart, there are ppl like that out there, that similar to vampires, feeds from your response and emotions.
You can tell her not to be rude or respect you once, and if she doesnt get it, dont waste your time and emotions.
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Radar Lover
sorry on Feb 16, 2015 @ 10:00 pm

I don't always see eye to eye with mine but we try to stay respectful with each other. It's hard when we feel so strongly about our own views.

My MIL isn't really bad, some things have been said over the years but I am sure I have been the worse of us both.

Tyr to distance yourself if you can. It sounds like she is feeding off your emotions and that is making her worse.

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prettyrainbow
reverse psychology on Feb 16, 2015 @ 10:38 pm

Use reverse psychology. If she is coming at you with nasty remarks, surprise her by remaining calm and letting her know that you'd be happy to spend time with her when she has calmed down. Always keep positive. I know it can feel like a ticking time bomb egging you on to explode, but that defeats the purpose of having a better relationship. You can't change the way someone acts towards you. You can only change how you react towards them.
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chrissyann123
Mother-in Laws on Feb 18, 2015 @ 07:17 pm

I know it is really hard sometimes not to react when people are rude to you but what I do is treat them with kindness. I deal with many people all the time at work like that and in the long run they are usually really unhappy lonely people.
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Angelwingsx2
Bad,Bad Mother -in-Laws on Mar 23, 2015 @ 09:30 am

Too bad you have a Mother-in Law like that.Mine passed away 10yrs ago and she was a beautiful loving person.Getting back to yours,what seems to be her problem,there must be a reason why she is like this,unless she was born mean.You don't have to take hateful and hurtful comments like that in your own home.What about Hubby?You never said if he speaks up or not to her?I think it is your Husbands place to speak up for you,after all,she is his Mother and he is married to you.If it were me,I would have a talk with my Husband to put his foot down where his Mother is concerned.If he doesn't or have the nerve to,then,I would give her double barrels when she comes to my Home.Set some ground rules and if she doesn't like that,then maybe she should go somewhere else to vent ,but not on your turf.Mother-In-Laws can cause a lot of problems in a Marriage,tell your Husband what you have in mind first before you say anything to her,just in case he has decided to put her in her place.I do hope this helps.She has to earn respect before you can give it.Good Luck.
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OceanSunrise
Be true to yourself and remain calm under pressure. on Mar 23, 2015 @ 10:14 am


I’m so sorry to hear that you are going through this
challenging time with your mother-in-law.


I find that when people react this way it’s because they
have some deep personal issues that consumes them. The only way they know how to communicate is
to lash out at everyone around them. It’s
not your problem to resolve her issues but I find that it will be worse if you
react in kind. Someone has to be calm
and you have demonstrated your ability to work remarkably well under pressure. It appears that with age she regrets not
being there for her sons and she is jealous that you have been the loving,
supportive woman in his life when she was not available. She should contemplate what she had one and
realize that it’s not too late to make amends with her sons. She is fortunate to have the opportunity to
do so when so many do not. If she could
begin to work at mending the fences with her sons she would realize that they
found loyal and kind wives that make them happy.


Busybodies are people who are lonely and don’t feel needed
or appreciated. Often times it is their
fault that they can’t communicate how they feel. Have you spoken to her husband to figure out
what might be happening behind the scenes?
She could be ill and is afraid to tell anyone.


Unhappy people like your mother-in-law push everyone away
when in reality they desperately want to be part of the family but feel that it’s
too late and that they will be rejected.
We can always offer forgiveness and create a peaceful environment but
the other person must meet us halfway.


How does your hubby feel about all this mess? Is he interested in having a loving
relationship with his mother and forget any of her past transgressions?


I’d sit down with her and calmly mention that it would be so
lovely if the two of you could get along.
Guide her to comprehend just what a good life her son has made with you
and how happy he is. Remind her how
proud she must be to know that her son is surrounded by a loving family. Make her feel welcome and involved in your
lives. Let her know how fortunate she is
to be a grandmother and how her grandchildren have given her three precious great-grandsons
to love and cherish. You can both bond with
the immense joy of being a grandmother.


These great-grandsons are the opportunity for her to redeem
herself; I hope that she jumps at the challenge with an open heart.


Don’t give up and certainly don’t sink to her level; that is
not in your nature. If you don’t react
to her temper tantrums she won’t get the satisfaction of getting a rise out of
you and there is no fun in that. Time
heals all wounds and her gaping wounds are festering with regret and disappointment. Your kindness can pave the path to a peaceful
family reunion. I hope that she won’t throw
away this opportunity that does not come too often or to everyone.


Let us know the outcome Ginger! Remain positive! Ciao Bella!


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rogersresaca
Mother in Laws on Mar 23, 2015 @ 02:15 pm

Thanks so much to both of you for your suggestions. She was born mean! She has never been a very nice person and will stab you in the back every chance she gets. My husband warned me about her, before we got married. He doesn't have very much to do with her either. He is the middle son and works every day and doesn't ask anyone for anything. They have an older son who works on their small chicken farm and they gave him the house, truck and a nice pay check. The still buy his clothes and he is 50! The younger son died years ago in a motorcycle accident. My husband has worked hard for all we have and nothing is handed to him. When he was growing up, he wasn't allowed to trick or treat, hunt Easter eggs and at Christmas time, some years no tree nor gifts. It was always work for him. They couldn't play with toys in the living room. He had it rough. She has always had a problem and so has my father in law. He won't hug me, because she gets jealous! After 20 yrs of being their daughter in law and they still act this way. I help out every time she has surgery or needs to be taken to the doctor's office and cook meals for them. I quit a while back, I never got a thank you. When I've been hospitalized or had to have bed rest-they don't offer to help at all. I'm on my own. She will actually call me and brag about what she made for supper and how good it was, knowing I'm laid up and can't do anything. She offers to do nothing for my husband also. No birthday call nor gift. They are a strange couple. My husband tells them like it is and sometimes, it's months before we hear from them. Long enough to get over their mad spell. Believe me, my husband does take up for me and for himself. Thanks all of you. Ginger
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empress_divine
Pay her no mind on Mar 24, 2015 @ 10:17 am

Hi there it is unfortunate that you have one of those mother in laws. However he is the mother of your husband, even though he and her are not close try not to avoid her, the last thing you want to to say something horrible and have your husband be upset with you. The only other thing I can suggest is that you have your husband tell her to stop being mean to you. If nothing changes then you can unleash on her just once, then let it go. Good luck.
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dianacassie
I CAN RELATE!!!!! on Mar 25, 2015 @ 09:40 pm

I am going through the same thing and yes it is HELL!! You feel and ask yourself should I say something or not? Well the reason why it is so difficult between the 2 Is due to the fact that either you feel degraded and weak. The second option can cause the biggest rift between your partner, you, and your monster in law will just love it, as well if you say anything she can manipulate the situation as well as talk trash about you to the whole family.

I hear ya on this one and im here to let you know I understand and your not the only one. I am going to tell you exactly why they act this way, it is kind of sick and at the same time pretty immature as well as stupid. It goes beyond reasoning and explanation but when you know and look at this objectively you are going to understand and realize, understand a way to overcome this monster in law. Its a competition!!! God honest truth and in certain circumstances, not sure in your situation, control. I am not married but who I deal with is a control freak but in general when they act this way, it is competition. Just know that your not crazy nor are you doing anything wrong, it is normal to feel the way you do. I had to go to the doctor because I could not handle the insults including the abuse, she even as so much physically hit me and threatened me. You have to remember this my friend, you have the right to be his wife, you have the right to self-respect and your self-dignity, you have the right to say no, and you have the right to the objection of the behavior. The best way first off, which my doctor stated, to stay away from toxic people (including everyone) from your life, the less she is near you, the less you have to deal with her jealousy and immaturity. Secondly, since she is compiling this in her mind as a competition, there is no point of trying to win, remember this is her reality in her mind, a bit of mental illness I would say because it is nonsense. Take some deep breaths and understand that what I call the "mirror effect" is that everything she says negative towards you is everything she thinks of herself. I know it is difficult to not look at it as interpersonal but remember this is her reality and projection with her son and not being able to let go of control, envy, and immaturity. That Is her problem.

But her deliberately directing and saying negative comments to you, this is where you have every right to set boundaries. You do not have to yell, please don't lol, it only fuels her fire, and no rhetorical remarks same effect working on her end here. You can do this in front of people as well as in private, not sure if she does this in front of other family members which they usually don't because people are not stupid they catch on to degrading remarks that hurt others, we all have feelings and emotions, we are human and so is your mother in law (Believe it or not lol)

She is extremely insecure, do not allow her to make you feel as though you are the one with the problem, its her. The best way is confrontation, most people are extremely afraid of confrontation and they react in a way that will surprise you. I would say to her, "I would like to speak to you, it is imperative please." Don't ask her so this way you are not giving her the option well more so objection, she has the right to say no but she wont lol. What you will do is not use words like "You", in direction to her because she will begin to get defensive and feel attacked and fueling fire once again, don't give her that chance she doesn't deserve it. Use the word, "I", this way you are projecting to her that this is about you and not her, which it is because of the way she is making you feel. "I feel uncomfortable____, "I feel very disrespected___, "I feel extremely discriminated___" Tell it like it is and there is nothing wrong with telling someone how you feel, you are not attacking you are expressing your feelings and how they are impacting your rights and this will set the boundaries. It is also the most mature way of handling these types of people in our lives. Do not expect anything, expectations lead to disappointment, this is about you and by telling your mother in law how you feel you are getting EVERYTHING off your chest, seriously. Don't expect apologies and no you don't have to be friends or like eachother but you can set boundaries to this type of abuse and degrading underlying immaturity your mother in law imposes. By telling your mother in law how you feel will not effect your relationship with your mother in law in a negative way, she cannot say you have no right to tell someone how you feel, it is silly. This is very hard to do, confronting people but sometimes it is the only way and believe me it works. When you speak to her, speak very calmly and effectively, be relaxed and keep the intention and basis on yourself and how it Is making YOU feel. If you cry, who cares, that is even better because you are expressing and letting out all the emotion and frustration in a healthy way as opposed to yelling and screaming which doesn't work with monster in laws, they can be cunning and relentless but you know what, you are not like her.

You are respectful and do not insult her which displays maturity and kindness. I am not telling you to do this, I am just demonstrating a communicative technique I have used myself on many people and the high effect it has. She is not worth all the stress, anger, and ruining the sense of your well being. She does not deserve that type of power over you. She has issues in her heart and cannot come to terms or know how to deal with her emotional instability so she takes it out on you, bullying. As much as I would like to think bullying was over in Junior High, it does not end. I call it Adult Bullying and it is beyond immature, this lady has issues and it is not your problem to fix but it is your every right to set boundaries as well as expressing the way you feel. I wish you the best and I know you will get through this friend, I believe in you.

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