my boyfriend fell asleep during sex wtf?

dessiree-barnes 303	You're overreacting.... on May 31, 2010 @ 02:38 pm I get that sex is something that's pretty important to a relationship, but it definitely shouldn't define it! If it does, it will never last. There are SOOO many OTHER things that could have happened while you were getting it on that are a million times worse! For instance, an ex of mine answered a phone call, from another girl, that I knew he thought was attractive, while I was giving him oral sex! That is cause for alarm! I'm now happily married for 3 years and have been in my relationship for 4 1/2. I've never had my husband fall asleep during sex, but I can say, with complete confidence, I would laugh with him about it later if it ever happened! You've really got to lighten up about this. Stop thinking about your feelings in this situation and think about how bad that made him feel! He even admitted he was exhausted. If the roles were reversed you would be so hurt by him freaking out the way you did! Just let it go and move on with the relationship. This is NOT something to break up over. If you think it is, the relationship was over long ago.
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Anonymous	my gosh on Jun 09, 2010 @ 10:01 am comments like "he is wrong, he should apologise"...or "what a jerk" really makes me wonder how uptight u guys must be in your own relationships. this girl needs a real answer. not an answer based on how you would handle the situation. yes, i would be disheartened, but i sure wouldnt be upset and contemplate breaking up i have also fallen asleep during oral sex, and trust me i never would, but that day tired me out so badly! my boyfriend was a bit upset, but we also laughed it off the next day. obviously if it happnes over and over again , then thats a different story. but really, hun, this is not a big deal. it has nothing to do with you, your performance or how sexually appealing you are to him. he was just totally exhausted! chin up, hope you're ok!
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ali-de-bold	Please on Jun 09, 2010 @ 10:12 am The issue here is: 1. He fell asleep while they were having sex. At a minimum, that is embarrassing for her. If you are naked, trying to be sexy and someone falls asleep on you that's pretty humiliating. You may laugh about it later, but in the moment, he should have apologized for that. It's the right thing to do. 2. He got angry with HER about it. How is that fair? He was in the wrong and he should apologize. What a lot of people don't realize is that the quickest way to diffuse a situation is to say I'm sorry. If you are in the wrong and you become defensive and get mad at the person or try to lie your way out of it, you are making it worse. If this happened to me, I'd definitely be offended and I'd expect him to say he's sorry and we'd move on.
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satojoko 2,556	Sure, sorry for......... on Jun 13, 2010 @ 09:10 pm getting angry, however, he DID get woken up with her having a hissy fit over it. I know when I get woken up suddenly by somebody, very abruptly, and have no idea what's going on, I don't react well. And it's not out of rudeness or not caring or being a b1tch. If my husband ever woke me up suddenly in a situation like that, because I 'insulted his manhood' and was ragging on me, I'd probably tell him to shut the hell up and let me go back to sleep hahaha And I'm being 100% honest here. He'd get a bloody earfull from me. As to her feeling embarrassed when she's trying to be all sexy and all, quite honestly, I have to say, big hairy deal. I mean, really, if this is the only way she can definie herself is through trying to be all sexy and stuff, she's got more important things to be worrying about than her bf falling asleep. So what? Get over it. I mean really, this isn't some big trauma to be heading to the local shrink over. She could say sorry for ragging on him for doing something completely involuntary, because she DID handle the situation badly. Had she not done that, it's highly unlikely that he would have woken up and reacted like that. And he could say sorry for getting angry. Problem solved. Although I still think she's about 99% at fault here. Had she chosen to react differently, things would have happened very differently. It's always a good thing for people to think at least 2 steps ahead before they open their mouth.
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Anonymous	I think it's unfair... on Jun 15, 2010 @ 09:49 am ...to say that being embarrassed in this situation in any way implies that she defines herself by her sex appeal! It simply means: this isolated incident was embarassing! To put it in perspective: if I am walking across the road and I trip and fall, I will be embarrassed in that moment. Doesn't mean I define myself based on my ability to walk straight!! Sure, he probably didn't mean to fall asleep and maybe it would have been best to sort it out in the morning, but honestly, if he had just said a quick "sorry hun, I'm so exhausted. Raincheck?" it likely would not have been a big deal at all!
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ali-de-bold	Completely agree on Jun 15, 2010 @ 10:14 am ...with anonymous. That's exactly what I was trying to say.
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ally72 349	curious on Jun 15, 2010 @ 10:32 am I'm curious to know if you guys are still together? I noiced the original post was made almost a month ago..just wondered if you worked it out or cut him loose. btw..no excuse for falling asleep during your first time together!
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mamaluv	my two cents on Jun 15, 2010 @ 12:37 pm I'm going to ride the fence a little here. In her corner: He should never have gotten angry with her for this. I'm sure he was embarrassed, as someone pointed out earlier, and that's probably why he reacted that way. The situation could have been salvaged if he'd have only acknowledged her embarrassment and apologized for biting her head off. As one of the Anonymous respondents suggested, "Raincheck?" In his corner: I don't personally feel this is worth breaking up over. It happens to many of us. Does that make it okay? Not really, but it is what it is. You can be dog tired and still horny. She should not take it to heart so much. I fell asleep once during a conversation with my hubby. We weren't even in bed; we were sitting on the couch. He was really offended and accused me of not caring about his thoughts and ideas. I felt like a jerk and apologized, explaining I was simply very tired. It's not quite the same as sex, but it was hurtful so I can understand that. There are worse problems in a relationship than this. Here is where the "big picture" argument should prevail - is this relationship worth saving? If this is a deal breaker, perhaps it wasn't that strong to begin with.
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Anonymous	yes we are still together on Jun 15, 2010 @ 07:49 pm I haven't been on here much but I am so glad that there are a few of you who understand how I felt at that moment and how my sexual appeal def does not define me in any way but seriously it did suck to have him initiate it and then fall asleep!! No matter how you put it, it was embarrassing as all heck to me to have him fall asleep while im on top of him moaning and whispering to him. He did apologize and he has def made it up to me and has told me he would feel pretty crappy if the roles were reversed. To me no matter how you spin it or how pretty you paint it, it still sucked and it was still very embarrassing, but we have moved passed it and it hasn't happened since. I have def seen him taking steps to re assure me and also apologize without actually apologizing, he brings me flowers every other day and i can def tell he is sorry and he was very tired that day, but like i said it still sucked and I def wont forget it lol but we have moved passed it. thanks everyone for your help and understanding
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satojoko 2,556	There are far worse things........... on Jun 15, 2010 @ 08:20 pm that can happen in a relationship. At the moment, my friend - who's married to an Indonesian (as I am) - is sitting in her house with her 2 kids, wondering if the husband she is trying to get a divorce from is going to kill them all as he promised if she doesn't sell the house and give him at least $45 000.00. Apparently he has plans to burn the house down with them in it. Lovely guy. Has she been to the police, court, lawyer, etc and done all the things she should? Yes. He was even arrested, and let out the next day. The judge told her she was 'micro-managing' when she brought up the fact that she's concerned for her children's safety when they go on outings with their father. She last year found out that her friend with 3 kids had her own children murdered by their father when her friend no longer wanted to be married to him. It was all over the news. The guy got off with an insanity type plea. This friend of mine is sitting there, terrified, day in and day out, wondering if it's her and her kids' last day breathing. Can you imagine going to sleep every night wondering if you'll wake up in the morning, or if you'll be burned to death with your children while you sleep? I can. And I'll tell you why. I, myself, was once married to what I could safely say is the biggest psychopath I have ever met. Because I was living in his country (Indonesia) at the time, I could get help nowhere. I went to the police, his family, anybody I could. Nobody gave a damn, because by that time he had embezzled every cent I had, I lost my restaurant (my only means left to support me and my kids in a foreign country) and I had no money with which to pay them off with to help me. There were days where we did go hungry. I had my head split open, my leg broken, I was knocked unconscious, he beat the hell out of me in front of his parents even, in his village, etc, all in full view of the locals AND the Western and European tourists. Nobody did a damn thing to help me. When the embassy got me and my son out of there, they treated me like I - yes me - was at fault for marrying this guy. I felt like a piece of feces. I then had my kids taken away from me, because I was accused of allowing this piece of shite to abuse them. Allow?? Exsqueezeme? And I continue to watch my friends and women I know keep going through this, and not even our own Canadian legal system, social services and government are willing to help us. They punish us. They are allowing these guys to take advantage of us women in ourr own country, extending their visas, making it possible for them to terrorize their wives, girlfriends and children for eternity. Thank god I got away from that sorry excuse for a human being, got divorced in 2001 (which was a whole other fiasco which almost got me killed), and later met and got married to somebody who treats me with the utmost respect and love, my current husband, and would never and has never raised a hand to me for any reason, no matter how angry he is/was. I'm not so perfect myself, I will readily admit. No woman is. I am 100% for women's equality, men treating women with respect, honoring the women they share their lives with. But I often DO see situations where women seem to think they are deserving of special consideration simply because they have breasts. It is not right, anymore than men thinking they have some god given right to special 'men's rights' simply because they own and wield a penis. Ridiculous and childish. So you'll have to forgive me if I can't take this problem even remotely seriously. Falling asleep during sex? Seriously?? So what! To me, this is utterly laughable and a non-issue, quite frankly. Do people have problems in their marriages and relationships that aren't as extreme as my and my friend's experiences? Yes. But if you really think about it, the bulk of them are so bloody trivial that they aren't worth giving a second thought to. Falling asleep during sex/conversations, leaving the toilet seat up, not taking the garbage out often enough, not always hearing every word the other person says because they're tuning them out, falling asleep on the sofa watching tv too often. We ALL do these things to some degree. And I doubt very much that, had she been the one who fell asleep while they were having sex, and he got angry at her and she got angry in return, that we would be accusing HER of being the ignoramous in this situation. Her bf would STILL be getting the blame and would still be called out as the bad guy and being told HE should apologize. Turn the situation around and really think about it. THAT is another large part of the issue for me. Why the hell don't they both just grow up, both apologize, and get on with it? I really wish people would stop making this young girl - she sounds young - think that she is owed an apology. If that's the case, she owes him one just as much as he owes her one. You get what you give. Gawwwwwdddd, if the only thing I ever have to endure is my husband falling asleep during sex, hell, I consider myself damn lucky.
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