My Boyfriend IS Avoiding me..please Give me your advice Ladies


heba
on Jun 15, 2010 @ 10:19 pm

Well i'm in a relationship with a man in the military and i dont see him often becuz he is in North Carolina and i'm in GA....He went from wanting to marry me and saying i'm the one for him to totally avoiding me not picking up and sayin he needs time to think things through.....i'm totally in the dark becuz i wasn't sure about gettin married and living 2gether but he made me believe in doing that...I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO...I talked to his mom and she told me that he loved me but if i badger he just gonna keep ignoring me becuz thats how he is....I am crazy in love with him...I had a crush on him since i was 11 and i'm 21 now...SO WHAT SHULD I DO...I DONT WANNA SEEM CLINGY AND DESPERATE BUT ITS REALLY KILLIN ME ITS ALL I THINK ABOUT....
 


7 Replies


cathy3087
hmmm on Jun 18, 2010 @ 04:40 pm

Time for some tough love: this sounds like a case of "he's just not that into you".

Even if he has told you in the past he wants to get married or live together, if he can let days pass without as little as even a text message or email, he may have changed his mind. If he wanted to be with you forever, he wouldn't be ignoring you and you contacting him wouldn't push him away. Sounds like there might be a bit of maturing to do on his part.

Of course it is much easier for me to say that you should just move on and find someone new than it actually is for you to do that, but it probably is what needs to happen. I would definitely be easier to at least get some closure from him, but if he won't return your calls, then it looks like it may not be an option.

You deserve better than someone who would put you through this. Good luck :)
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Anonymous
space on Jun 18, 2010 @ 08:26 pm

When a guy says he needs to think things through, it's usually not a good sign. Either way, there is nothing you can do. He needs to figure it out and you can't force it. I wouldn't just drop it but you need to give him time then try and contact him and see what's up. I don't think it's right that he is avoiding your calls but guys will be guys. They tend to avoid issues. Sometimes going away and being able to think about things on your own gives you a different perspective. How old is he? You are pretty young to get married. Joining the military can change a person. He has different influences now and is experiencing new things. I would just give it time. But there is no need to beat yourself up about it. Maybe it's just a false alarm. I wouldn't badger him If I were you, just wait it out for a week or so. Have you heard from him? I hope things work out for the best.
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heba
Thanks for replying...(update) on Jul 01, 2010 @ 09:10 am

Thanks ladies for replying...i have tried talking to him but he doesn't really give me an explaination he just listens to what i have to say and says he doesn't know what to do right now and that he needs time..but i told him that i'm not going through all this and he isn't going to give me an explanation..so i left him alone.....
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Ali de Bold
Give him space on Jul 02, 2010 @ 06:38 pm

Absence makes the heart grow fonder... is true! If he needs some time to think things through, give it to him. As tough as that's going to be, you need to back away and let him sort out whatever needs sorting. If you are clingy right now it will probably have the opposite effect that you want.

Spend time with your friends, exploring your own interests and making sure you are not sitting by the phone. When he's ready to come out of his man cave, he'll let you know. If he comes out of his cave and discovers you aren't desperate for his phone call (i.e you don't pick up immediately), he may actually come around. I know it's really hard to wait in a situation like this, but it's the best thing you can do right now.

Good luck and keep us posted!
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heba
thanks on Jul 03, 2010 @ 03:28 pm

Thanks that what i was thinking..i've been giving him time and i havent called him in 2 weeks now..yay me ...but its really hard..everytime i hear something interesting or i do well in something i waant so bad to pick up the phone and call ...becuz he isn't just a boyfriend he is my best friend....Thanks Guys
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mamaluv
Good for you! on Jul 05, 2010 @ 12:34 am

That's great that you are sticking to your guns. I feel sad when I hear you say he's your best friend - because he's not acting like it.

Go with Ali's advice and let him miss you properly. Also take this time to evaluate if you truly are right for each other. 2 weeks is a long time for him to not have contacted you, and you need to guard your heart.

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Sassy
Aw shucks on Jul 08, 2010 @ 04:11 pm

Sorry hun, sounds like it's time to move on.
There could be many reasons he's acting that way, some of which can include but are not limited to:
- he is no longer feeling the spark
- he actually does need time to think if this is right for him
- he found someone else
- he needs to focus on other goals, perhaps his career

Unfortunately the worst thing to do in a situation like this is to keep bugging him and stalking him about his feelings - that will make him even more closed off.

Take this time to yourself and evaluate the reasons as to why you didn't want marriage to begin with, also evaluate what really got you feeling this marriage idea. Was it his persistence and wooing?

It doesn't seem that he is feeling the relationship any longer. Show him you are independent, take time to hang out and reconnect with your friends. I don't think you should wait to see if his heart changes as that is not so likely to happen in most cases.
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