My boyfriend's big baby sister


Anonymous
on Mar 17, 2012 @ 02:34 am

My boyfriend's sister never seem to like me for some reasons she don't speak of. One day my boyfriend made a promise to me that he will not drink at a party but he did. I was outraged because he refused to talk to me. He said the reason he drank was that his cousin who recently converted to Christianity did not want to drink. The host of the party was forcing them to drink so he had to because both of them not drinking was disrespectful to the host. This is something I will never understand. So, I went on Facebook and made a statement, "[insert high school name] probably didn't teach students about peer-pressure!"

I understand it was wrong of me to make a generalization about the high school that he went to when he was younger. It can be seen as an insult to the school. However, my boyfriend's sister saw that and got angry about it. She deleted me off Facebook but before she does, she wrote on my page, "Hey, I am going to delete you off Facebook" for everyone to see. I had no idea why it was necessary for her to do that when it was not at all. She could have just left quietly and I could care less. But the fact that she have to tell me in public left me confused.

I did not insult her directly. I made a comment about her high school. She didn't have to like because I understand that everyone don't have to like what anyone else post on Facebook. It is only Facebook!

One day she posted on my boyfriend's page and I apparently corrected her. My boyfriend deleted the post and she got mad. She laughed at the fact that I had to correct her. I understand what I did...

A few days later she messaged me telling me to shut my mouth. Then she wrote on her page insulting me. She went to her boyfriend's page (because he was on my friendlist) and tagged me on a comment under her post so I can see the post. I don't know if she did it or it was her boyfriend who assisted her... but her boyfriend did assisted her because he let her into his Facebook to add to cyber-drama.

She called me idiot, fob-ass (which stands for fresh-off-the-boat) and sarcastically "intellectual girlfriend"...

I understand if she didn't like the stuff that I write and if she was offended by some of them but not once did I directed anything specially to her or call her out for everyone to see. So she deliberately insulted me with the assistant of her boyfriend.

Background of this girl: she is 21 who is engaged to a 37 year old man. She is no longer going to school, live with her fiance, and is not working. I assume he is her first boyfriend. They have been together for maybe 3 years now. She have been the baby in her family for all her childhood life and right after she turn 18, she become the baby of someone else. So, she have always have some older person taking care of her. Last fall she got a part time job and within a month she was fired because she decided to go play without calling her supervisor. She have no professionalism, no personal accomplishment, no community work, NOTHING but GOSSIPS AND GOSSIPS some more.

Me, I understand that I write a lot of opinions on Facebook. I am not proud of myself sometimes but I have never insulted her directly. She have every right to not like the things I write but she does not have the right to harass me. So, please don't say that I deserved it because no one does. People take Facebook too personally. Some people think that everything on Facebook is directed at them as if the world revolve around them.

When I defended myself and called her out that it was rude and uncalled for when she harassed with insults and getting into her boyfriend's page to get at me. I even said that if she didn't like my comment, there is a better approach to tell me... she did not have to insult me for all her friends to applaud her. That is very childish.

After that she got mad and told my boyfriend that what I wrote was offensive. She talked as if I wasn't hurt by what she did. My boyfriend demanded that I delete the post. So, I did.

She's a bully. She and her friends gather together and attack and laugh like high school girls. She's not working, one friend is not going to school -- work at Walmart, and the other one is my first cousin. If they don't like my activities on Facebook, I don't care -- it is only Facebook. But for them to applaud her bullying and insulting me on Facebook, I find it very childish.

She then asked me boyfriend for my phone number so she can be "civil" with me and I refused because I DID NOT START THAT SHIT WITH HER.

Her boyfriend got mad that I blocked him on Facebook. I had to! It was nothing against him personally. I need to make sure she have no access to my page. That is it. He's almost 40 and he said it was childish for someone to delete him. wow. I'm shocked.

I know I said a lot of controversial and opinions on Facebook but I don't deliberately harass people on Facebook. So I am hurt that she did that to me. I don't want to because I believe that I did nothing to directly hurt her. If she is upset at the comment that I made about her high school, she need to grow up and understand that it is only an angry generalization that I made. It had nothing to do with her.

Should I accept to talk to her?  
Was it right for her to harass me online? 
She said she wanted to get to know me... but she only get butt-hurt at everything I say... so what do she want? I am a California girl, she was raised in the boondocks of North Carolina! We have different background but I don't go around gossiping about people and then insult them when I don't like what they say.

My boyfriend refused to talk to me until I delete my post about her. I have every right to defend myself so I did! I did not call her name or use any slur against her. I used the word "bitch" when I say, "She didn't have to bitch"... that was it.
 

11 Replies


takoda
Wow on Mar 17, 2012 @ 08:48 am

That was a whole lot to take in, but it sounds to me like you're all
still pretty young. Face book is becoming nothing but a place for people
to bully and harass others and it make's me sick. People go on there
and tell the world way to much about themselves like where they live,
their phone numbers, when their going on vacation and when they'll be
back. Its crazy and its just looking for trouble. Your boyfriends sister
sounds very immature to me, but you shouldn't react to any of it. I
know it can be hard when someone is talking about you and saying things
where the world can read about it, but your just adding fuel to the fire
when you react to it. Even your boy friend doesn't seem like he's very
immature by the reactions you said he has had over all this. Are you
really sure you even want to be with someone that won't back you up
family, or no family. Just imagine if you were married to him and this
was going on. Everyone would be at each others throats and would be
miserable all of the time!! Especially if your own husband won't back
you up. Your best bet is to just stay off of face book, not for ever
just for a few months and don't bother with the crap she, or anyone else
has to say. You know who you are, you know if your a good person that
knows right from wrong and lives by it. You shouldn't be wasting so much
of your time, energy and life on someone like her, its not worth it.
Life is way to short to have yourself so concern about things people say
on face book. More kids have taken their own life's because of things
people like her have said on face book. Maybe if they would have just
turned their computer off and walk away and not answer any of the crap
back they'd still be with their families. I realize you feel like you
have a right to defend yourself and you do, but what did it get you by
doing it on there, nothing but more bull crap. So you've already said
what you wanted to her, now you be the bigger person and just drop it,
don't react to any more negative things you read on any of their page's,
or if you happen to see them in person, just smile and walk away. Your
happiness and mental health just aren't worth all of this worrying about
what someone said, or didn't say. Nothing you do is going to make her
change her ways, people have to want to change before they can ever take
the first step to. Remember there's always going to be someone that
doesn't like you for one reason or another and you'll feel the same
about others at times, we can't change that. Sometimes life really
sucks, but other times it can be great, you just have to take the good
with the bad and learn how to deal with it when it comes your way. Good
luck to you.

Reply

Ali de Bold
You both need to stop on Mar 17, 2012 @ 10:32 am

I think you are both so busy keeping track of every offense the other person did, you will never be able to repair your relationship (or even have one) unless you stop doing that and try to make amends.

She may be immature and a pain in the butt but she is your boyfriend's sister. If you continue your relationship with your boyfriend you will have to find a way to get along with her. You can't expect your boyfriend to shut her out just because she's awful to you. That's the thing about family. However, he shouldn't let either of you bash each other. If he allows her to publicly bad-mouth you, that says a lot about his character and you should evaluate if you want to be with someone who allows someone to treat you like that. I'm not even going to get into the drinking issues because that's a whole other topic, but definitely one of concern.

From what you wrote it sounds like you've learned your lesson about Facebook. A lot of people use it to vent or just say the first thing that pops into their heads, but it can hurt others and it's always the one who posts offensive things that looks bad. She looks bad for saying those things about you and you look bad for your own snarky comments.

Find a way to focus on things that are positive and remember that the only actions you can control are your own.
Reply

sinna
Sugar attracts more flies than poop on Mar 17, 2012 @ 01:48 pm

I really agree that the cycle needs to stop. I think the only way to break the cycle is to change your behaviour. I really recommend seeing what you can do to be nice to her - genuinely nice. You migth be surprised at a side of her you have not seen.

Reply

Anonymous
re-evaluate this relationship. on Mar 19, 2012 @ 12:11 pm


you're boyfriend has not made any attempt to rectify the situation which I feel you want!. The fact that you have to "defend" yourself is NOT good. You should NEVR have to defend yourself. So If you think this is frustrating now try marriage, children it will not get better unless you can bite your tongue and ignore her ALWAYS because I'm sure she will continue these games.. Just remember if he is making excuses now for his family, he always will and can you live like that?
good luck in your choice it's your life! Be Happy and keep smiling!
Reply

beachbabe
Yes, re-evaluate on Mar 19, 2012 @ 05:06 pm

She's clearly acting childish and it's unfortunate that grown women still act like 13 year olds in middle school. However, I do agree with Ali in that it appears you're both just keeping diligent tabs on everything the other says/does. Is it really worth it?

But mostly I think you need to re-evaluate your relationship with your boyfriend. First of all, it's not fair he's in the middle of this. Second, if he is someone that you could spend your life with then he does still need to recognize the poor behaviour on his sister's part. It appears that he thinks you're the main problem in this situation and obviously you are not - few situations are ever 100% one sided. But my point is that it seems as though you will not be able to have a relationship with his sister and this will be a major problem for your relationship for many reasons if it continues.

Reply

Anonymous
Response to responders on Mar 20, 2012 @ 02:58 am

Thank you all for your responses. They are greatly appreciated.

Her fiance and her sister-in-law are mad at my boyfriend now. So my boyfriend got mad at me. =/ I told him that my family would not get involved with such stupid drama and he told me that it's too bad that my family is not "supportive" like his.

I told him that we need to re-evaluate our relationship because when we get married, if there is any drama... it will always be MY FAULT and never HERS in the eyes of his family.


sincerely,
Writer of this post.
Reply

Becky
what? on Mar 20, 2012 @ 03:51 pm

Your BF takes his sisters side, defends his family for being "supportive", gets mad at you, etc. Is this someone you want to spend your life with? This doesn't sound like a situation anyone would want to be in.

Sometimes relationships are irreparable. Hurtful words just cement themselves in our hearts, so that we can never truly forgive and forget. I'm mainly talking about your bf here. Your relationship is with him. It's unfortunate his sis is giving you a hard time, but why is he giving you a hard time too???

I completely agree with Ali : you and the sis both need to stop blaming each other. If she wants to talk, instead of talking to her one-on-one (where she can misconstrue what you say and throw another hissy fit to your BF), why not get together for couples dinner, and take it from there?

And Beachebabe: Your bf sounds like he's already blaming you before you open your mouth... again, someone you want to be with?
Reply

Becky
grr.. on Mar 20, 2012 @ 03:51 pm

I meant I AGREE with beachbabe!! Jeez..sorry ..
Reply

Anonymous
Becky on Mar 20, 2012 @ 05:11 pm

Thank you, Becky. He got mad because he felt alienated by his family. He
asked me, "How could I comfort you when I am also alone in this
situation and I am alienated by my family?" I don't know what to do. He
recently got into an argument with his sister's fiance and his
sister-in-law. I told him that they have no right to butt in and he told
me that it is because they support his sister.



We can't get together for lunch/dinner because we don't live in the same
town. Too far from each other, this is why it is easier for them to be
tough guys on the internet and give him a hard time because they can't
do anything to me since I blocked all of them on Facebook.



My family is supportive enough already by teaching me to take care of my
own problems. I don't have my army of "supporters" rallying around me
to hate on her. Even my friends have told me that this situation is
childish and stupid. So my family and friends are supportive in the
sense that they tell me the truth that this is stupid! They don't
approve of it and they don't approve of my behavior. It is insulting to
my family for him to say that they don't support me because they rather
not get involved by encouraging bully behavior.



He said he don't need to re-evaluate anything because he love me and he
want to marry me. But I don't think I want to marry into a family that
have clearly taught me that they will support and encourage bad behavior
just because they are family members. If my sisters and my mom find out
about this, I would be in so much trouble with them. They would scold
me first because I should know better. They will
encourage me to be a better person but will never approve of such bad
behavior.
Reply

Becky
I really hate that "L" word on Mar 21, 2012 @ 06:13 pm

Love. Stupid word that helps hide all that is wrong in a relationship. "...but I love you" is supposed to make everything better? He loves you, but he gets mad at you because he can't handle his family. He loves you but he defends his family's childishness and calls you out because your family doesn't get involved in your arguments? Huh?

I guess "Love" is up for interpretation. Someone's idea of love may not be yours, what you think love is may not be shared by someone else.

Personally, what you described isn't my idea of love. Love is supposed to be good, it shouldn't be this complicated! He says she said that she said that he said ..what?? If I was in such a messy and complicated situation, and my bf said "I love you" I would respond with "ok, you love me, but I don't love this situation" and take it from there.
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