on Jan 24, 2012 @ 09:04 am|
My man talks about himself all the time, and has some time to listen to what I have to say, but it is more important to talk about him. My man also doesn't want to commit fully to me, we are exclusive, but not a couple if that makes any sense at all. I have been talking to a guy I met last summer online, we live about 5 hours away from each other, but nothing would ever come of it. It is a very back and fourth conversation. I really like our talks. I feel guilty talking to him, but we are not flirting at all, just pure good conversation. I don't wanna keep all my eggs in one basket, when full commitment is not there. What do you think?
|Exclusive but not couple? on Jan 24, 2012 @ 09:16 am|
If you are guys are not a couple, how can you be certain you're exclusive?
It seems like he doesn't want to commit, but I am not sure you do either (especially if you're spending so much time talking to someone else). It seems like you aren't fully happy and satisfied with what you have here with this guy and if that's the case, I think it may be time to move on.
Decide what you need and want in a relationship, then ask yourself, are you getting this from him? Yes or no- and is it important to you that you receive all of this from him or one person? I understand not wanting to keep all your eggs in one basket, but it isn't fair to you or this guy. You both deserve to find fulfilling relationships!
Good luck! xxoo
|Make a decision on Jan 24, 2012 @ 10:34 am|
You can't sit on the fence forever, so either you have to decide you want to have a committed relationship with your "boyfriend" or you should end it. (Or decide to have an open relationship if that's how you roll, but then be honest about that.)
I think you are actually bringing 2 separate issues to the table here:
1 - your man's inflated ego irritates you
2 - your relationship status is uncertain
I think you should decide about #1 first. You can't commit to a full relationship if his personality drives you bonkers. If you decide you can live with his quirks, then have The Talk. If you can't live with his quirks, just move on.
|Had this exact situation! on Jan 24, 2012 @ 11:51 am|
I was "with" a guy who was the exact same way. We were exclusive but not a couple - he refused to refer to me as his girlfriend. He also always needed to talk out his problems with me (he ALWAYS whined/complained) but when I had something to talk about it was totally on the back burner. Actually, not even on the stove at all lol Anyway, bottom line was he couldn't commit but still didn't want me to talk/hang out with other guys AND I felt I was the rock in our relationship. Like I had to carry him through life. It was exhausting.
Ya know the Kelly Clarkson song Beautiful Disaster? I heard her sing that song at a concert with Reba and it was eye opening! It was totally how I felt.
I was also talking to another guy who lived far away at the tail end of this relationship. I told myself nothing could happen since he lived so far. Plus our conversations were so casual (on msn chat, etc). I ended up breaking off the other relationship for this guy who lived far away. And now we've been married for a year and a half :)
My point is this guy is so not worth your time. Get out now! Whether something will happen with this other guy or not is irrelevant because either way there's a guy out there for you and this one is not it!
|Ego on Jan 24, 2012 @ 12:05 pm|
I'd say find someone else to be with....if he's that self centred, then that's what you can always expect from him. Isn't a relationship about give and take? Sounds like he's doing most of the taking.
|His actions on Jan 24, 2012 @ 07:03 pm|
His actions say I don't care about you, I care about me. He's always talking about himself and then to top it off he doesn't want to commit to you. And it makes sense that he wouldn't want to commit because if he cared, he'd want to be with you wholeheartedly.
I think he's using you because you're probably a great listener and wants that aspect of you. If you're ok with that, then continue as is, but if it bothers you, then you should move on because it's not fair to you.
If you like the conversation you're having with the other person online, it's probably a factor you need, so look elsewhere and for someone who's willing to give you that.
|A few tidbits more info on Jan 26, 2012 @ 08:27 pm|
Hey ladies thanks for your replies.
We almost broke up last night it is one of those situations where i know i should do it , but all the good things comes to mind when it is bout to happen and i chicken out so i made a pros and cons list let me know your thoughts from an objectional point of view
- there when I need him and supportive if I am stuck in a bind
- able to help each other in line of work
- goofy and fun
- sex is great
- entrepreneur and driven to succeed
- never gives up
- same life plan
- can be cute and loving
- can have meaningful convoys and mostly on same wave length
- we become too attached and dependent on one another an loose ourselves
- I stopped focusing on me again cause I was too busy tryin to make this work
- he can be very egotistical and I I I personality.
- sometimes has controlling attributes
- feel on my toes in regards to getting comfortable in the relationship not sure what I can and cannot say. And hold back feelings
- don't feel appreciated or receiving enough attention/ interest. Feels very one sided
- I don't like being devious and not telling him te full truth Bout what happened during our break up or feel bad that I am talkin with the guy tht lives far away .
- every idea I have there Is always something wrong with it. Becomes a blow to my ego.
- he has ideas how this relationship will work but disregards what I need In this.
- we broke up before for 9 mo tha and both dated other people and hurt each other bydoong so but they come up way to much. Will it ever go away?
- weird with family and friends (very important)
Then I made a list on what I want:
- Think similarly in way we want to lead our lives.
- caring and loving.
- interest in me and interest in him 50/50
- connection with family and friends
- laugh and cry with each other
- deep honest communication
- separate lives that compliment each other
- a "man" who is a hard worker and will protect family.
- past is the past and doesn't effect our relationship.
- finds me beautiful no matter what.
- NO GAMES
- attraction to looks and more important personality
- safe and secure and will make a good father
I did a test score for him and he scored 62% for what I overall want.
It's so hard! I dont k ow if my judgement is clouded or what.
|Way to go on Jan 26, 2012 @ 08:33 pm|
I think it's a fantatsic idea that you made a list of the things important to you in a relationship. Don't lose sight of that.
I also think it's wise you made a pros and cons list. However, I'm thinking your cons far outweigh your pros.
62% isn't high enough. You probably can't ever find someone who's fully 100% - we're all human and will have differences. But 62%? That's like C-. Too low.
I think you deserve better than this. You seem like a smart girl! I think that you know what you need to know and I understand it's hard.
|One more thing on Jan 26, 2012 @ 08:35 pm|
When I was in this similar situation, the night I ended up breaking up with this guy I asked him if he thought he'd ever marry me (legit question, it had been 2 years with no committment). He said he was 70% sure.
Would you settle for being with someone who's only 70% sure you're right for them? Would you expect someone to settle for being 70% right for you? Same thing applies to the 62% in your case. You both deserve someone more compatible to you.
Just food for thought :)
|Thanks on Jan 26, 2012 @ 08:37 pm|
Yeah it is just hard to cut the rope, as we were together for 3 years, then broke up for 9 months, been back together for 6 months and we started living with one another again, and that is when things go south, he stops making time for me as we are living together, but we can't live apart for our whole relationship we will have to live together one day, so I am lost.
How far was your husband, when you thought you would never be with him? How did you end it with the other boyfriend? Your story sounds very similar to mine!