Need Advice Chicks... Please Be Open Minded

on Jun 25, 2016 @ 01:48 pm

This is very hard to ask, I'll start by admitting that. I have been a part of the community here for a while and have come to get to know some of you really well - so I trust you all to be caring and open-minded and supportive. I need advice. Where else but Chick Advisor?

I am pregnant, unexpectedly. My boyfriend and I have rarely been intimate, but a couple weeks ago were during a time I was sick and on anti-biotics. After assurance from my GP that they wouldn't affect my BC pill effectiveness, we persisted without a condom as usual.

Two weeks of diahrea and a missed period later, I am terrified to tell my boyfriend. Somehow, also excited.

I am 23 and he is 24. Our relationship is solid but we still have ups and downs and struggle. We have a future planned. Goals. Are good to one another. But while he is financially secure, I am in debt (lots!!!!) and I bring us down on that front. We are close with our parents, who would help, though be disappointed. I am so unsure what to do, and I haven't even told him yet.

I have been pregnant before, in an abusive relationship, and terminated at 16 weeks. It was the most traumatizing experience. I don't think I could do it again, but I don't think we are ready for this. And I know that my boyfriend does NOT want a baby right now. It would tear us apart.

What do I do?

30 Replies

. on Jun 25, 2016 @ 01:52 pm

Be honest with him, tell him. You never know sometimes things happen for a reason. Honesty is best and things can work out the way they are supposed to.

baby on Jun 25, 2016 @ 04:57 pm

Its hard to advice but i strongly believe that everything happens for a reason. I think u should tell your boyfriend first and keep the baby.and to be honest u will never be ready for baby and u will never have enough money for it as well.

baby on Jun 25, 2016 @ 06:32 pm

A baby can sometimes be an unexpected blessing but wonderful. Tell him how happy you are, and he will probably be too. Hope you decide to keep your precious surprise.

. on Jun 25, 2016 @ 07:45 pm

I know this must be a scary situation for you to dive into. Parenting is a lifetime commitment and it can seem even scarier when you are young and have financial goals that you still haven't attained. However, money is temporary - it comes and it goes and can always be earned again. There are lots of resources nowadays that can help you with the financial needs you may have and as we've discussed here in the forum, there are ways to earn some money from home that can really come in handy. Remember, our ancestors did it on a dime back in the day. It's about shifting priorities and getting rid of unnecessary luxuries that we often don't think twice about spending on. Take it one day at a time and set your goals straight.

I do encourage you to be honest with your partner (as well as your family) and to discuss your worries together. This is the time when you'll really understand your love and commitment for one another.

One thing is certain - A baby is one of the greatest gifts you'll ever receive in your lifetime. What a baby needs is love and attention and a safe environment to grow up in. Can you both offer him/her this? This is what really counts in the end. It's going to be tough at first, but you can both do this by finding the courage and strength within yourselves. Make love the first priority and everything else will fall into place. I wish you the very best of luck and hope you'll keep us up to date. Let us know if there's anything else we can help you with.

P.S. I will congratulate you because the life growing inside you is precious and worth a shot! <3


Take a breath on Jun 25, 2016 @ 08:40 pm

I don't have all the answers or maybe even none..wait that doesn't right let's start again. I really have a million things to say but only one that is the most important this is your choice. I understand that you may feel many mixed emotions right now but that is also pregnancy I think you and your boyfriend really need to sit down and talk about it there is other options other than having an abortion there are so many wonderful people who can't have children for what ever there reason may be. Also your talk with your boyfriend may surprise u he may end up changing his mind either way I wish you all the luck and courage to make the choice that is best for you

OP on Jun 25, 2016 @ 09:22 pm

Thank you all so much <3 I am going to take one more test before I tell him. I am so nervous. All of your advice and confirmation and kindness means the world to me - truly. I am scared the most that he will feel trapped by my pregnancy. :-( That he will feel obligated to be with me and the love in our relationship will disappear. It's hard to not think of it as the end of a chapter we aren't ready to close out, but I'm some way, I do truly feel excited and blessed. Lots of my family has fertility issues. And the fact this has happened, and when we have not been very sexually active, may be fate or God or whoever controls this earth and this existence giving us a gift that is meant to be - for us or for someone else. Thanks everyone <3

. on Jun 26, 2016 @ 02:43 am

This situation is very hard and delicate to give advice on. I agree with the other chicks, talk to you bf about it.

I have a cousin that was in the same situation as you at the same age when she was pregnant with her first child. I remember consoling her all the way through it because she was extremely scared at the time. She was in her last year of university so it was a tough decision and she decided to keep the baby. (I'm so glad she did, because he is such a lovely child)

She was like you, really scared of the unknown, there were so many what if's and so on. The worst part is her career was just about to start. My point is, all of that was history once her son was born. She figured out everything with her boyfriend and they are happy together and now has a second child.

She told me that, you learn along the way. Things will work out, you make it work out. She also always mentions to me that the joy that the baby brings is greater than any problems you encounter along the way! That being said, I wish you all the best!

. on Jun 26, 2016 @ 10:16 am

Oh sweetie, you sound very nervous and stressed right now, but I can promise you that this will change once you have all had a chance to talk, and adapt to the news. I've read that almost 50% of first pregnancies are unplanned, so please know that you are in good company. I strongly believe that everything happens for a reason, but I know sometimes that reason doesn't show for a while.
Maybe start by having a conversation with your BF, and give him a while to let the news settle. Your first reaction was private, (just you and a dip stick :-) ) but he is hearing the news in front of you, so forgive his reaction if it's not what you'd like it to be. Wait a day or two, and then have a longer talk. Other people may or may not be disappointed or disappointed initially. I think the surprise of big news that is totally unexpected can bring out some pretty raw, un-edited emotion, that most people regret.
My first pregnancy was a shock (also antibiotics ironically) and not very many people embraced the news, especially since I was not in a very long relationship, nor did anyone like the father. Within months, my whole family was super supportive, and by the time my son was born, you'd have thought he was the second coming of Christ. I think especially parents want the best for you, and hearing that your life is not going according to their perception of best at that moment, parents sometimes have a hard time expressing what is really in their heart. My firstborn is now 23, and if I'm honest if he told me he had a baby on the way, there would be part of me...initially...that would think his life is off the course he would ideally want. I also know I'd be out buying booties tomorrow, anticipating the birth with love.
I guess what I'm trying to say is try to understand that people's initial reaction will fade, and almost certainly be replaced with excitement and joy.
And please take good care of yourself, see a doctor as soon as possible, and make sure you are eating right, get onto some prenatal vitamins, and taking care of the both of you. Congrats, good luck, and please keep us updated...we are a message away.

Theres a third option... on Jun 26, 2016 @ 04:14 pm

Everyones advice previous to my post was perfect. So I'm not going to repeat all that. I have chosen another option before... Adoption. I placed a child in 1998 for those exact reasons. I have also terminated a pregnancy. And I also have an amazing son who is 11.
Find an adoption agency and go in and talk with them. Get info and ask anything you may be curious about. If anything you educate yourself and are able to make the right decision for you, no matter what way you decide to go. ❤️❤️ And if you need to talk to someone about adoption I can shoot you my email. :)

. on Jun 26, 2016 @ 07:58 pm

Be honest with him. You never know what someone reaction to the news might be. Theoretically is different than when it's actually happening to you. You can never really be "ready" for a baby, like trying to find the perfect time. There will always be something in your life you want to improve, certain milestones you want to reach before having a family. Nothing will ever be "perfect". Do what is right for you, in your situation. No one can tell you what to do with your own body. Whatever you decide I wish you great happiness & luck in all that you do.

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