Need advice have no one to talk to

Carmen Rivera
on Nov 27, 2011 @ 04:23 pm

Hey everyone,

I was in a tough relationship we had our ups and downs felt like mostly downs. I dealt with some mental and at one point physical abuse. I dealt with him having a drinking problem, every time he drank he got sad and depressed and took it out on me. I cared about him so I stayed. I realized that towards the end I got so tired of it all I pretty much just gave up. I mean I was there but I wasn't if that makes any sense? I started being mean and angry with him all the time. He eventually broke up with me and hasn't spoken to me since which has been about two months. His last words were I am tired of your abusive ways, I thought he was joking. I mean I put up with so much and stayed through so much and he ends up being the one to leave me and blame it on ME being the abusive one? And barely two months later my best friend tells me he's friends with an ex on Facebook. I don't want him back that's not what is eating me up. What I can't get rid of is feeling like a fool. I was there through everything I stayed and tried so hard to make it work only for him to leave me and basically say he couldn't deal with me anymore, and not even two months later he's friends with his ex. I really feel so stupid and I cannot shake it. He just left me. Like I was nothing. He left and just never spoke to me again and is now friends with an ex, I mean I put up with so much and forgave so much and he did this to me. I do not want him back. I just need to vent and I need to know how to get over feeling like a fool and feeling so damn stupid. Thanks a bunch :-)

11 Replies

You are better off without him! on Nov 27, 2011 @ 07:01 pm

Hey sister, abusers will always manipulate things to make it sound as though it is your fault. Let the ex have are better off without him. Go out, hang out with your family and friends - people who love you and value your many good qualities. Today is a new day! Look ahead at all the wonderful possibilities you have to choose from, and forget he ever existed...except the lesson you have learned about not wasting any more of your precious time with drunken abusers. ;-)

Ali de Bold
Leha is completely right on Nov 27, 2011 @ 07:56 pm

That is exactly how abusers roll. It's always your fault. You need to put this one out of your mind completely. You know it was a bad relationship. You know he's not the right guy for you. Who cares what he thinks or who he is friends with? You have already wasted precious time with him. Don't allow another moment of thought or energy to go towards this guy. Ask your friend not to give you any more updates about him. In fact, she should unfriend him considering how he treated you.

After being in a relationship like that you should really take some time off dating. Often you can go from one abusive relationship to the next if you don't sort out what got you there in the first place. Take some time to be single and get back to who you are and what your purpose is. Then when the time is right you can move on with someone better for you. XO

Guys like this exist far too often in the dating scene on Nov 28, 2011 @ 01:19 pm

I been with a guy like this maybe even in a way worse situation.(but thats to the individual to judge) In the end though you know in your heart that you weren't at fault. Usually the one whos got the issue likes to paint everyone else as the negative in their life. Its like they cant possibly be the one whose causing all this drama.

I feel that Ali and leha made sense when they said to take time off dating. Its obvious this has messed with you mentally you need to collect your thoughts. Put yourself around positive people and hang with your girls. DO NOT look at his facebook and ask friends not to mention him to you. You need to pretend he doesnt exist for you to really start seeing the positives in things. Which would be moving on with your life and doing things for yourself.

Love yourself! on Nov 28, 2011 @ 01:27 pm

Hey luv :)

I agree with Ali, time to forget about this and move on with your life...focus on you!!

That is a lot of mental/physical nonsense that you really didn't need to go through, but women are also made up of an awesome amount of courage and Im sure you are too!!

Its hard when you dont have many people to open up too or talk too, I have the same problem but have found places like this website, my cat, or even a stranger on a bus seem to always lend an ear when I really need it. If you ever need anyone to talk too you can always contact me :) I may not have thee most awesome advice like everyone else who has commented, (nice to feel so supported tho hey?!) but If ever need another friend online to chat too give me a holla !!

Big hugs to you, and stay strong like I know you are!

Wow! on Nov 29, 2011 @ 03:04 pm

Wow- what a jerk.

Seriously- just be glad he is out of your life! Take this as a learning experience, you now know the warning signs and red flags!

Like the saying goes, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. You were nothing but supportive and he threw you away, move on and learn from this. Know that you won't make the same mistake again and you are in a better place now!

Good luck!!! xxoo

Be strong, it does get better. on Nov 30, 2011 @ 04:16 pm

You've already been given some great advice so I won't repeat the same thing as everyone else has said. I will say however, I know exactly what you're going through. The father of my 2 girls was the exact same way. He was a heavy drinker, and I too believed that he would eventually change. I forgave him when he would get so drunk and break things, call me names, etc etc. It takes a toll on your mental health and it takes a lot to get over this.

Since you said one of your friends told you he's now friended an ex on facebook, I think your first step should be to tell this friend, and all others, that you don't care what he's doing on facebook or in life. Having them tell you what he's doing now isn't helpful to you in any way. Friends do believe they're helping you by sharing this info, but as you can see now, it's only harmful.

I don't agree completely with what Leha said about forgetting he ever existed. Remember him, and what he did. Learn from this relationship and grow from it, otherwise you'll be doomed to make the same mistakes again. Regardless of his abusive behaviours, obviously the relationship wasn't all bad if you cared for him and forgave him. Remember the good times and look for that in future relationships and be firm with what you will and won't accept from men in the future. There are some really great men out there, and don't let what this jerk did to you make you think otherwise.

I wish you all the best, and all the strength to get over this. It isn't easy but you will be able to do it. Women are strong and powerful beings.

from experience on Dec 21, 2011 @ 05:23 pm

I have seen similar situations, growing up and in my own relationships. DO NOT BE WITH ANYONE LIKE THAT. I know there is love , but there is something better. It will be hard at first but stop wasting time, go live your life and you will get something that makes you wonder how you were even with this person. I had a break up VERY similar to this. He is manipulative and a sick individual who will never have a healthy happy life until he works on himself. Take the high has a better destination.

I hope your pain leaves you quickly , you aren't alone.

Sending you lots of love !!!!

Totally right...... on Dec 21, 2011 @ 05:50 pm

Is there a like button? Okay, seriously.....if you were to copy each persons' head line and string them all together, you've got your solution.

Everyone who has written you a comment above has the right idea.

Why does life have to be so hard...don't know....we all have to keep on going. I am determined to believe that good people do actually exist. We just have to find them

Cheer up! It's Christmas and its hard to keep going....the fun part is finding the person that was made for you!

The Human Animal is ... on Jan 06, 2012 @ 06:55 pm

Hey sister is tough, what did not kill you...makes you stronger.

Vent ahead...we read, we listen, probably we can relate to your frustration...putting up with someone and that someone is un-grateful, and just plain heartless.

Glad its over, and now march forward...brave...and probably stronger than before.

Rogue said: The human animal is a beautiful and terrible creature, capable of limitless compassion and unfathomable cruelty.

Guess that covers it all.

Enjoy this New Year....really enjoy it. Cheers! Angie

What does it matter? on Jan 10, 2012 @ 03:37 pm

What do you care if he left you or you left him? You are rid of the jerk!! :) You should be happy. I know that it sucks to think that he was the ass and you wanted to have the satisfaction of leaving him but in all honestly, you are better off. You have to repeat the mantra to yourself all day long..."I am rid of him and it doesn't matter how".

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