Need help with a hard choice!

on Jan 24, 2016 @ 09:19 pm

I'm 21 years old and I was dating a guy who is 47 years old and permanently crippled and on crutches, he treats me amazing and I really do love him but I've never had sex with him because I'm having spot of trouble getting over the fact that he's the same age as my father. I always told him I was saving myself for marriage. He's also got a ten year old daughter I'm absolutely in love with, she calls me mom, her aunts Sharon who's raised her her whole life and still does introduces me to the family as her step mom I love this little girl with all my hearts She sleeps over at my house at least once a week and it's great. A few months ago the man I'm with a brother passed away and at the funeral his little girl asks him if he was going to ask me and whispered in his ear and then he asked me to marry him of course I said yes as its his brothers funeral and she was sitting in my lap. He went to jail that day for something he didn't do and has been gone a few months we talk every day and I still spend as much time with his daughter as I can. He's supposed to get out in March and I don't know what to do I love them both so much but I don't know how to get past the age difference its doesn't bother me intellectually but i hate saying it but I don't have. Sexual attraction to him. Recently my ex started calling happy to hear I'm sober and doing well and wants to get back together we have been on and off for years the only reason we broke up was because he went to jail and both our addictions cause problems but wither us both being sober with good intentions he wants to get back together he gets out one month before my fiancée gets out and I don't know what to do or who to choose I love my step daughter with all my heart and j don't want onto break her or or dads heart and I don't want them not to be in my life but I also love my ex and want him back in my life but he's also infamous for going back to jail although with him coming home to me being sober maybe he Willa actually stay sober and stay out of jail! Help! What should I do and why and what would you do?! Time is running out and I need help !

21 Replies

. on Jan 24, 2016 @ 09:23 pm

wtf .?

Choice on Jan 24, 2016 @ 09:27 pm

I think you need to think long and hard about what you want in life.. You are very young and making the wrong choice could be a bad choice that could last the rest of your life. Have you finished school? What do you want to do with your life?

. on Jan 24, 2016 @ 09:50 pm

I think it would be a mistake to throw away a loving relationship over 'sexual attraction'. Honestly, we all get old over time, but sexual attraction has very little to do with age or looks as people make it out. Sometimes that spark comes in different ways. The fact that you have not been having sex, might be the very thing that killed the attraction! So I would give it a try before destroying everything.

However, it's also concerning that you seem to be making a life with men who go to jail!

Please look at your life and take time to decide what you want, but gambling on someone who repeatedly lets you down doesn't seem the right decision for me.

Sandra Ribeiro
choice on Jan 24, 2016 @ 09:57 pm

I second with you wonderehstif

. on Jan 24, 2016 @ 11:56 pm

If I were in your shoes, I would take a step back and stabilize my own life and build a solid foundation for myself before even attempting to consider any of this. Make sure you have a safety net for you to fall back on and that you won't get involved with someone who will negatively affect your life in any way. 21 is still very young of an age to be making lifelong decisions, especially with one of two men who are in jail. I know people can change for the better, but I highly doubt this happens the minute they step out of prison. Give it time. Grow as your own person first, without the need for a man to complete you, especially one with which you've had bad habits with before and have no real guarantee that he has sobered up.

As for your fiancé, what will you do if once you're married, you still find you're not attracted to him? How do you feel this will affect your marriage? Can you live with that for the next 50 years? Attraction, although trivial, is important and it's obviously important to you since you're so worried about it.

Don't settle for someone you're not fully committed to or someone you think you're supposed to be committed to because of obligation or past experience. You need to be 100% sure about who you want to be as a person and who your life partner needs to be for you. Love yourself first and everything will fall into place as it should.


Choices on Jan 25, 2016 @ 07:41 am

It sounds like you have some important decisions to make,you should definitely think long and hard about what you truly want, what and who is going to make you happy,I hope things work out for you in the end

47yr old on Jan 25, 2016 @ 11:35 am

sounds like the 47yr old gives you a sense of security,, something like a father fiqure would... how is your relationship with your dad? i do not know you but i think you need to really look at your own insecurities to discover your real attraction for this older man.... the ex is an ex for a good reason i would keep it that way. take time for yourself get to know you a lil better and all these questions you have will come to carry the world on your shoulders give yourself a break.... oh and big hugs kiddo ... just my thoughts.

Wow... on Jan 25, 2016 @ 12:03 pm

I would definitely not settle down with either man.

I would focus on yourself and learning about you vs settling down with men who may not add an excess amount of positivity and motivation to your life...

It's sad for his daughter, but that is not your burden.

At 21, I left a guy I moved in with way too soon (at 19), and leaving him was like a breath of fresh air. Early 20s are for discovering life, and it's easier to leave when you're not burdened down with a mortgage/kids/etc.


well said on Jan 26, 2016 @ 05:31 pm

I completely agree with you.

Crystal on Jan 26, 2016 @ 06:06 pm

Actually Crystal makes great points too!

I originally read your age as 27. At 21, you should take things slower and try and figure out what's going on with you!

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