Need some relationship advice please ladies. i been sleeping with my best friend...


Anonymous
on Oct 24, 2013 @ 02:40 pm

It would be nice to get some advice from people. i been so worked up about everything. I think i have really bad paranoia.

The back story is... I been best friend really good friends with this guy. We started sleeping with each other since August we see each other alot and not just sleep but we go out do things together too. we both enjoy each others company. and when we are together it feels really nice. i love being with him. But i am really insecure, and i always come up with arguments. and i find it hard to speak to people like about problems and face to face. But i have my reasons to get annoyed at him. 

He had told me before that he isnt seeing or interested in other girls. He likes spending time with me and still want to sleep with me, but dont want a relationship at the moment as he is only 21, but not saying nothing is going to happen in the future etc. 

I am still really paranoid that he is always speaking to girls as he is a good looking guy has alot female attention. 

I get very annoyed that sometimes he takes hours to reply me but when i complain about it he doesn't like it and said it is ridiculous that i get upset by it. 

He is on his phone all the time. always texting someone. i questioned him and he said he has female friends but isnt texting any girls in that way. but i still dont trust him. 

as today i have seen that he replied to a girl at 7am when he get up for work. i am getting worked up by everything. 

i think he still sometimes talk to this girl he slept with few months back. (does it mean he still likes her?) i asked him and he said no nothing is going on but just a friend that he get along with...

am i over analysing and getting over jealous? i feel like i am pushing him away as i keep arguing with him every week i think he is getting sick of it so am i. can guys just have female friends and just as friends. i dont exactly want a relationship or label it as that. but i just wanted to know if i am wasting my time or is he having other female thins going on behind. Does he like me is he doing it just for sex??? i think i am very confuse? I get upset by it an cry 4/7 days a week and i dont think it is healthy. but i do care about it alot. and i do think i over think everything too much. 

If i can please have some views and advice from the situation it would be fab!! thank you xx
 


3 Replies


AlexJC
Worth it??? on Oct 24, 2013 @ 03:29 pm

If he says that these girls are just friends, then I think you need to take it as such. I have platonic male friends, why is this any different? For now, I think you need to take a deep breath and try to trust him. He says he only wants you, so why not take his word? Has he shown you any other way that these girls are more than just friends? Is he flirting with them?

Now, here's the other thing too and I hate to be the one to bring it up, but I am not sure if you can really ask him to stop talking to them or even be that jealous. By your own admission you are not in a relationship. To me this means that though you may not be seeing other people, you aren't necessarily exclusive. You guys need to draw some clear lines here. Are you exclusive? Are you together? Dating exclusively or just hanging out? Decide what you are. Your relationship will dictate where you stand and the level of attachment.

Lastttttllyyyyy.... I hafta say, if a guy is causing you THIS much grief and you aren't even together... is it worth it?
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Anonymous
>> on Oct 24, 2013 @ 03:41 pm

i think i need to try take his words, but its hard, because he is texting someone most of the time. and i have no idea what i have never read his texts so i have no idea what it might be.

He didnt say he only want me, he only said he like spending time with me but no relationship. so i am a bit sketchy about it like what are the terms as you said need to draw a line. I am scared to ask him if we are exclusive, but i have kinda asked him about is he sleeping with other girls, he said no he isn't seeing or flirting speaking to any girls at all and wont go look for it. But don't guys lie? i get very paranoid about it even though he is meant to be my best mate and he probably wont hurt me on purpose?

you are very true, i have been so upset and we aren't even together.. but it would also be hard to not sleep with him anymore and just be friends because i really really like him. and i wont be able to go back to friends level again. he did mention about if i can't do it without being in relationship he would still like to be friends minus the sex complicating it. but i dont think i can do that as i am very attached to him :/

thank you very much for replying btw :)
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TigerLilly
Get out on Oct 26, 2013 @ 05:49 pm

This sounds really confusing. I've experienced something similar to this before. Where it seems like you're in a relationship but you're not. It can do an emotional toil on someone.

I think what it comes down to is he stated that he does not want a relationship. So you have your friendship and the sex but he doesn't want to commit. You are seeing things like a relationship when it's not. You shouldn't be jealous or arguing about things because since he's not committing to you. He technically can date and sleep with other girls if he wants.

You can't control what he does but you can control your own actions. You seem very insecure about things. If you're getting too emotionally attached to him and viewing this as a relationship when it's not, then you need to get out. You'll just continue to get hurt and things will get worse. Find someone who does want to be in a relationship with you.

If you can handle a friends with benefits thing, then that's fine. But you can't treat him as if he's your boyfriend because he's not. He's allowed to date and/or sleep with other girls because he's not exclusive with you. And you have no right to get mad at him because he's not deceiving you in anyway, he's told you straight up that he's not your boyfriend and doesn't want to be.

Honestly I don't think you can handle being friends with benefits. You have certain expectations of him. You want him to be your boyfriend but he doesn't want to. Therefore I think you need to get out of this situation. Just be friends with him, no sex. It's hurting you. Get out.

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