No one has ever loved me

on May 17, 2010 @ 05:24 pm

Girls always say they like nice guys but only the obnoxious jocks get laid in school. I was quiet, sensitive and romantic (I wrote poetry) and girls have never been nice to me. I am so bitter and disenchanted with relationships that I am starting to ********* It breaks my heart to see girls going out with really horrible guys who treat them like crap when I just want to love someone.

How can I make a woman appreciate me? Do I have to change who I am? WHAT DO YOU WANT!?

Editor's note: Some content in this post was extremely offensive and has been removed in accordance with forum guidelines.

5 Replies

reply on May 18, 2010 @ 08:04 am

Unfortunately there is no one formula to make someone appreciate and love you. I'm a strong believer in the idea that there is someone for everyone out there - you just need to find each other.

Let's first set the record straight about girls:

1. High school girls are many things, often simultaneously - painfully self conscious, rebellious, 'coming into their own' (read here: figuring out their identity), hormonal, naive, a little silly and immature at times, and dreamers. They haven't figured out the real world. Why do they go for the bad boys? Many reasons - social acceptance (like dating the big jock), shallow physical attraction, rebelling against their upbringing, naively thinking they can change the guy, etc etc. No one claims it's fair or the "right choice". There are very few teens that can make mature decisions, and I think that many of us look back at our high school days with a certain amount of embarrassment over poor choices made.

2. You should not, and in some cases cannot, change yourself for anyone. Small things that relate to social rules and respect you can adapt in your life - acting like a gentleman, making efforts to ensure your girl knows you think her special, etc. What you can't change in many cases is your basic persona. You say you are sensitive and bookish: there is nothing wrong with that! There are many girls out there who will appreciate it.

How many girls have dated or even married a guy they believed was a 'fixer-upper'? They are in for a rude awakening.

What you can do is make sure you are in the right place emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. Eventually the right girl will cross your path, someone who ticks like you.

When you say that you have those horrible urges and thoughts, this is a massive red flag. I hope you appreciate that fact. You sound like you're in a self destructive cycle and you need to get the help you need before it gets worse.

I don't want to seem insulting or generalizing. But you need to run, not walk, to get yourself professional counseling. Work to the positive - it can only get better. Wallow in misery - it will never get better.


pity party much? on May 18, 2010 @ 06:01 pm

Your title suggests you're looking for love "no one has ever loved me", but the first sentence is a whine about how only the obnoxious jocks get laid in school.

Being sensitive and romantic is great if you can actually show someone you're sensitive and romantic. If you're so quiet that you don't even present yourself properly then no one really knows of your sensitivity but you, correct? You admit you are quiet - perhaps that's why no girl paid you mind; you were too quiet to get noticed? Writing poetry doesn't make you sensitive or romantic; it makes you someone who writes poetry. And someone who's whining about not getting laid doesn't sound very sensitive or romantic to me...

You're starting to hate women because they don't like you? As in "I hate you because you're not dating me", isn't that a bit petulant and irrational? Your hate is growing to the point of wanting to hurt and rape women? You know you sound kind of crazy there, and not just a bit scary!!

If you're still in highschool, please go talk about this to your guidance counselor. They are there specifically for you the students, and you'll be surprised at what good they can do. If you're not in highschool, then go to your family doctor and talk about these feelings. They are also trained to handle this. Perhaps they can recommend you to a psychologist who can better help you get a grasp on your feelings and come to terms with the underlying causes before you cause damage to yourself and others.

Talking about these feelings in forums or with friends is good, but not helpful for you. Most of us aren't equipped with the knowledge required to even understand where you're coming from!!! Take my initial reaction after reading your thread; it wasn't at all constructive and wouldn't have helped you one bit (probably would have pissed you off more)!!

Anyways moral of the story: Seek help at the right sources - guidance counselor, doctors / shrinks, etc. before it's too late.

Best of luck.

Ps. this line made me laugh "I am academic and I read all the marvel comics".

Red Flag: You need help on May 19, 2010 @ 10:22 am

Chick Advisor is a supportive, positive meeting place for women to rate, share and discuss. Your misogynistic, self-absorbed comments about thinking about "raping and hurting women", and bragging how intellectual you are, are inappropriate for this web site and wish they'd be flagged. Meanwhile, I hope you keep off the streets and get the help you need.

attraction on May 19, 2010 @ 10:53 pm

I find that the most attractive thing in a man is his self-confidence.He could be the ugliest man on earth,but if he has self-confidence,he's got that certain something

Negative thinking turns people off. on May 20, 2010 @ 02:02 pm

 I have to agree with the message Red Flag: You Need Help.  And when you talk to someone, you may want to address with them or yourself the following: 

First Point:
You might have thought you had good intentions sharing some thoughts on this website, but, think of it another way:

 If you were to say these things to a woman on a date-she'd escape out the fire exit before you'd have time to apologize and redeem yourself. Self disclosure is great, but always ask yourself if you would share these thoughts with someone in person, and if not, this website is no different. It's safe, yes, but you are still dealing with real people, and we are all accountable for everything we say-no matter how badly we have been treated.

Second Point:
You might want to ask yourself:
1. Why have women never been nice to you?
2. What experiences did you have that are making you bitter about ALL women?
3. Why are you assuming that ALL girls are going out with guys that are treating them like crap?

Sure, you've had some bad experiences, but you have escalated your negative thinking to generalize about everyone in the world and what is worse, you are using this website as an outlet for negative thinking, because you haven't figured out how to do so in a positive way in your day to day life. 

Third Point:

You  have to learn to understand, break, and change your thinking patterns. You need to get some help in learning how to evoke the kind of response from others that you would want from others (hatred and bitterness will only turn others off more).  Once you can get help in understanding your own thoughts better, and how to break negative thinking patterns to turn them into more attractive and positive patterns, you will find that this will reflect in the responses of others over time.  This website should be a starting point for that- not an outlet for possibly hurting or offending others.

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