One of your best friends is dating a jerk...


Anonymous
on Aug 03, 2007 @ 10:25 am

So what would you do if your friend keeps dating a jerks? She is nice, pretty, smart but has gotten herself attached to a good for nothing boy. He tells their mutual friends he is not into her and told her that he does not want a relationship but still lets her hang around. When she gives him the cold shoulder he slimes his way back in just to see if it can be with her again and it works. I have stood by her and nothing gets through. He has wasted a year of her life and I can't see it ending any time soon. I don't know whether it is best to let people learn the hard way or try to tell them what you think is best for them. What do you think?
 


3 Replies


spotty
same deal on Aug 03, 2007 @ 11:49 am

I have a friend in exactly the same situation. I used to stand by her and encourage her and support her. But its become painfully obvious how bad he is for her and he is just dragging her down. I tell her point blank what I think. Sometimes I feel like I've over stepped my bounds, but then I realize that I'd want my friends to be frank w/ me in a similar situation. The hard part w/ my friends case is he keeps dragging her down and she allows it ... they sort of enable each other and things just get worse.

Its hard to watch. You care for our friend a lot. You don't want to see her get hurt. But no matter how you handle the situation -- whether you support her or tell the truth she needs to hear -- its ultimately up to her to do anything about it.

As w/ my friend, I do not see an end anytime soon. She knows how I feel about their situation. We've come to a sort of peace: I rarely ask about him/them; she rarely volunteers information -- stuff doesn't go unsaid, but our relationship is nicer when he's left out of it.
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Ali de Bold
Abusive situations on Aug 03, 2007 @ 12:13 pm

Unfortunately when people are in abusive situations they rarely think clearly. Even if he isnt' physically or verbally abusing her, he is mentally abusing her by treating her this way and she therefore isn't going to make the best choices for herself. I know because I've been there. I had a few friends tell me that they would stop being friends with me if I continued with that guy and I basically ignored them. I eventually snapped out of it and left the guy but I also lost those friends in the process.

I think a true friend will say what she thinks in a loving way and will be there to catch you when you fall. It isn't a fun or easy position to be in, but you definitely have to tell her what you think and be honest. Just know that there is a very good chance she will ignore your advice and keep doing what she is doing because her judgment has been clouded by this terrible relationship.

I think Spotty's advice is bang on about being completely honest and voicing your concerns loud and clear, but remaining friends and not flogging the subject too much so that it drives her away.

Eventually your friend will hopefully come around and ditch this loser and she will appreciate you for telling her the truth and standing by her.
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Konnyrox
Deja Vu on Aug 10, 2007 @ 10:51 am

I had a similar sitiation in my eighth grade year. The only difference is, she wasn't even with the guy. He had a girlfriend and led my friend on. She came to high school with me but kept talking to him, holding out for him to ask her out. What she didn't notice was the strain she was putting on her friendships with everyone, but since I was always around her, mostly me.

My advice is to let her figure it out at this point. You've done all you can as a friend, and as tempting as it may be to simply run her nose in it to get it to her, I can almost gaurantee that it won't work. In fact, she might be even more headstrong than my friend because yours was actually in a relationship with the guy.

My situation ended with the loss of our friendhsip and her being diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. I guess that if I'd turned to how she felt about other things in her life sooner, I might've figured out why she obsessed over him so much before she (littereally) turned on me.

If you think that you've done all you can for her, then you have to let her do her own thing. At this point, she might resent you if she comes to the relization that you were right and you're all over her. Just give her some space, and hopefully she'll be fine.
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