other woman???


Anonymous
on Apr 27, 2009 @ 06:47 am

I always seem to be in this situation! This time it’s a guy I work with. He has a girlfriend who he’s been with for 3 years now... but always seems to complain about her, they always seem to be on the verge of breaking up. At work he flirts with me, he gets jealous when I talk to other guys and he always defends me in any situation. I’m the same I flirt, hug him etc, but as he has a girlfriend and I'm single most people we work with either look at the situation as me being hopelessly in love with him, or comment on the obvious chemistry between us. I've talked to him about the situation and I’ve told him that I’m not comfortable with what people are saying and maybe we should distance ourselves from each other, his reply was just ignore them its none of their business, we're just friends, he gets angry when I try and keep the relationship professional. While this isn’t technically cheating we don’t have a sexual relationship and as he says we are "just friends" I see him all the time and with all the flirting and closeness I’ve fallen for him and, he won’t let me walk away. I’m so confused if we’re just friends why does he get jealous of other guys, why does he hug me, why does he flirt, why does he watch out for me like he does? And if he does think of me as more than a friend am I just going to be stuck in this situation? I mean he has a girlfriend and with me when he tells me not to talk to some guy I don’t and when he asks me where I’m going and what I’m doing I tell him .. so in a way he has control over us both.
 

11 Replies


Ali de Bold
Doesn't sound good on Apr 27, 2009 @ 11:39 am

So I understand correctly:

He has a girlfriend but likes to flirt with you on the side. You are single and he doesn't want you paying attention to any guys besides himself? Sounds like he has an ideal situation for himself: Ego stroking at work with you and then after hours with the girlfriend.

If he really cared about you he would either end the relationship with the girlfriend (if it is as bad as he says) and then make a move for you or he would let you move on and wish you the best instead of trying to keep you away from other guys so he can hoard all of your attention.

The fact that you have told him you are not comfortable with the situation and yet he won't let you go does not make him seem like the swellest guy. Even if he has the most winning personality, this treatment is not good. It sounds like this is more about him and his need for attention than it is about you.

Can you just distance yourself from him? Don't be responsive, don't go over and visit him at his desk. If he comes to see you, be very busy so that he goes away. You have already told him how you feel and now it is time for him to be mature enough to make a decision instead of his girlfriend plus you on the side.
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MizzRobin
I agree... on Apr 27, 2009 @ 10:02 pm

with what misschickie said. I wouldn't waste upir time concerning yourself with him, sounds like he is just doing what is best for him. Just look at the facts: he has a girlfriend AND he keeps doing what he wants even though you have said that you are not comfortable with things. Not good.
Reply

Anonymous
Plan B on Apr 27, 2009 @ 11:43 pm

This is typical Plan B behavior. Plan A is at home and your Plan B.

At work, your treated (and you feel) like Plan A but your not.

Plan A gets called girlfriend. Your being called girl friend. That space between the L and the F makes a big difference.

Why is he flirting with you? Because hes a man and because your flirting back.

The fact that hes complaining about his current girlfriend to you proves he has no respect for her or the relationship they are in. The complaining translated: "let me tell her how awful my girlfriend is so she can feel sorry for me and feel like she has a chance to be with me".

If this works (as it has with soooo many other plan b's) you will have essentially manipulated yourself into feeling like you reeled in a great catch. The reality is that you just pulled up an old boot that complains about his girlfiend, flirts with you while hes with her and is doing his best to figure out how to cheat on her with you. Great way to start your relationship.

Stop being Plan B. Find a real man.
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Ali de Bold
Plan B on Apr 27, 2009 @ 11:52 pm

Anonymous:

"The fact that hes complaining about his current girlfriend to you
proves he has no respect for her or the relationship they are in. The
complaining translated: "let me tell her how awful my girlfriend is so
she can feel sorry for me and feel like she has a chance to be with
me".


If this works (as it has with soooo many other plan b's)
you will have essentially manipulated yourself into feeling like you
reeled in a great catch. The reality is that you just pulled up an old
boot that complains about his girlfriend, flirts with you while hes with
her and is doing his best to figure out how to cheat on her with you"


PREACH, girl! I couldn't agree more.
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MizzRobin
Plan B on Apr 28, 2009 @ 11:53 am

Wowee anonymous B! I love your post! so true...so true!
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MizzRobin
haha on Apr 28, 2009 @ 11:53 am

I meant to say anonymous 2! I couldn't agree more!
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Relationship Rescue
Response to "Other Woman" on May 01, 2009 @ 01:01 pm

I see most of the replies are making the guy wrong for doing this, but it takes "two to tango" as they say so even though there's a finger pointing at the guy - you want to look at the other fingers pointing back at you.

You may want to ask yourself why your wasting your time with an unavailable guy. Often women go for guys that are already attached because of low self esteem issues. You may not feel deserving enough to attract a guy that is ready, willing and available 100% to giving you all his full attention.

Every person who comes into our life is a mirror, so I would suggest you take a look at what part of yourself 'isn't available' either. Maybe you've been hurt in the past and there still some fear or walls up around men.

It's a place to start and hope this helps!

Blessings,
Kim Sarrasin
Reply

legz99
sounds toxic- careful on May 22, 2009 @ 08:34 pm

i feel you though .. but work relationships can be tricky . i know you are not having sex etc. but what if YOU were in his girlfriends shoes ,and a girl at your BF office was all over him - hugs, glances, flirting . It is not too nice . Maybe keep your eyes open for someone else - that is single . Hearing about his girlfriend must make you queezy , especially cause you are falling for this guy !! He's playing both of you it seems - WHAT A JERK
Reply

spotty
to thine own self be true on May 27, 2009 @ 09:50 pm

I agree w/ relationship-resue. We can all agree he's a charmer who's ego has room for multiple ladies. Don't give him that satisfaction. He knows you're uncomfortable w/ the situation. Stand your ground. Be stronger than him. If your strong behavior means a strain in your relationship, personal and/or professional, so be it. Stay courteous and professional at work, but only interact w/ him as needed.
You don't deserve to be the other woman. Besides, you don't want to be w/ a man who cheats (or considers cheating) anyway.
Reply

crazinessism
i feel ya' on May 31, 2009 @ 09:06 pm

I know exactly how you feel, and although i have no tips or advise for you i just wanted you know know you're not alone.
Anonymous Plan B, you are so right, i never thought of it that way. but thanks!
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