People that ask for a Pre nup, is asking for Divorce..!?


rainVixen
on Mar 01, 2010 @ 11:52 pm

People that ask for a pre nup.. is asking for a Divorce.?


If I were about to get married and he asked me for a Pre nup I would not get married to him. I hate the way marriage is looked at as a luxery or as what the media puts it as or as it's a bisness. If you are asking the person to get married it is because you are looking to spend the rest of your life with him or her. Not because it is cool to get married then have a divorce. I think Pre nups should be illegal EVERYWHERE getting married is already owning somebody and signing a paper, what is this, what has happend to this world, have human beings turned into animals..? whats your input on this and why?
 


8 Replies


mamaluv
different situations on Mar 02, 2010 @ 07:21 am

While I personally agree in principle that prenups is in a certain sense like arranging your divorce before you even get married, I think there are situations where it is extremely practical.

For instance, if one partner is extremely wealthy or has a special inheritance coming that is to stay in the family (eg. a family cottage, company shares, or jewelry, etc), it makes sense to set things up from the start to say "whatever happens, these things must stay in my family for the sake of the rest of my relatives". Could you also agree to these things without an official prenup? Of course... but in the heat of divorce, such friendly agreements are quickly tossed aside.

Most of the time, when you become engaged it is because you intend to spend your lives together. However, sometimes in extremely financially unbalanced pairings (ie. one is poor, the other is very rich), it's possible that the less fortunate person has a special interest. This is a huge generalization, and I mean no offense by it. But it is what it is, right? There are famous examples of young beautiful women marrying very old wealthy men and claiming it was pure love (a certain now-dead blonde comes to mind), but do we believe that?

I also have to disagree when you say that marriage is like owning someone. Marriage to me is a commitment to choose to belong to each other (not in an ownership sense), come what may. You are always free to walk away, no matter what that paper says - no one can force you to stay in a marriage - and unfortunately too many people cut and run, often for reasons that were either foreseeable, fixable (with counseling for instance) or unimportant in the grand scheme of things. I too am saddened by this society's inability to understand true commitment. Actually, I envy the animals sometimes - many of them mate for life. Is that true of us?

That's my two cents :)
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rainVixen
... on Mar 02, 2010 @ 04:11 pm

I have to give it to you. Well put, it makes sense I thought it was just all stupid but now I am possibly open to a Pre nup. I am dating a man that is very wealthy and I wouldnt say I am poor, more middle classed, but still his lifestyle is wayyyy different then mines but we are in love with eachother, and he has been talking about marriage and I am excited that it might really happen and scared at the same time. I'm only 20 years old but im very old fashioned.. and I wouldnt mind to get married now but I think about the future as well.

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Anonymous
Be careful on Mar 10, 2010 @ 03:52 pm

and take care of yourself. Marriage seems like such a fabulous idea when you're hotly in love with a man at the tender age of 20. What happens tho, is that over the years, marriage, if you're lucky, turns into what it should actually be pitched as -- a partnership, which is the fundamental "family unit" of human society. Marriage is not hot and sexy, passionate and romantic. It is hard work, often frustrating, lots of times deeply joyful, and ultimately it could be the most important and fruitful relationship in your life, if you play it right.

Always remember that you in no way own your future husband, and in no way does he own you -- you are both equally responsible for the success of your marriage. At your age, you could simply grow away from your future husband, as you have a lot of living to do.

You will want a partner in life. Don't hesitate to ask him the hard questions, have a GOOD LOOK at his family and how they treat each other as this is how he will treat you and your children. Do you think he'll be there for you in the hard times, as well as the good? His money is completely useless (and really, who cares if a man lots has money these days -- you can support yourself -- and money does not necessarily mean happiness) if he does not participate as much as you do in the marriage/family. If you're able to be somewhat objective about the person you would like to marry, you'll hopefully have a successful marriage, pre-nup or no pre-nup.
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SissySpouse
hmmm on Mar 10, 2010 @ 05:04 pm

I do think it is a dangerous thing to enter a marriage with a separation in mind. I understand the reasons, but when I got married, we agreed we would work out anything that came along and we have. It is hard word sometimes, but things do get better. I agree though, that it is the lack of committment that makes prenup's needed or wanted.
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Anonymous
Prenups have their place on Mar 13, 2010 @ 09:18 pm

I think prenups have their place and don't think it's a lack of commitment, etc... People change and grow apart. People get married for the wrong reasons. If a spouse becomes an abusive alcoholic, I'm not going to keep waiting for things to get better and now get stuck with having to give away some of my assets!

My husband and I did not get them, but since we've been together, our careers and assets have increased dramatically. If for some reason I was out dating again, I wouldn't get married again unless I had one. I don't think it's asking for divorce... it's simply about being smart with your money. Why should my new spouse have any right to what I've previously earned/own? This is especially important when there's a big difference between the partners, if businesses/real estate is in question, etc. A separation is difficult enough as it is; if you throw money into the mix, it's just even more stressful.

Honestly, if Paul McCartney was smarter in his second marriage, he could have saved himself a bundle by getting a pre-nup rather than gong through a nasty divorce and legal fees after. If there's a big difference in net worth, I'd be suspicious if the lower asset person refused to sign one. Just my 2 cents.
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Anonymous
naive on Mar 29, 2010 @ 11:42 pm

Seriously? You think that "getting married is already owning somebody"?? That alone sounds like you need to reevaluate things before even thinking about marriage.

It's not always happily ever after, and sometimes people just want that security. They're not pre-arranging a divorce.
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anaesthetic
Well on Apr 09, 2010 @ 07:22 pm

I think if you are so insecure that you cannot agree to a logical contract such as a prenup, marriage is not for you
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Anonymous
it's the spirit of the question on Nov 12, 2010 @ 10:28 am

I think what the original poster was really objecting to was this idea of tainting what should be a blissfully romantic time (ie. engagement and wedding plans) with the cold practicality of "what if".

There are couples out there who should never have come together, and others where one or both have "grown apart" (which I actually think is a bit of a crock...) and so divorce is probably best for them.

But what if you said from the beginning that divorce shall not be an option for you? What if you put all that practical energy into your marriage to build it into what it was intended to be, working hard to resolve any problems that arise, etc instead of pondering the outcome after x number of years? What if you stuck to your commitment and your spouse did the same? Then the divorce rates would plummet and pre-nups would become a rarity instead of the norm.

If you did put the same effort into a marriage that you do for your job, your family, your pets, and your bank account, you wouldn't ever "grow apart". If you put an even stronger effort into your relationship than all of those things (which, of course, a couple should), then it would be a true partnership of many joys and relatively few sorrows.

I must honestly say, had my now-husband asked for a prenup when we were engaged, I would have been hurt by the implication that divorce is an option for him. As I've gotten older I have a broader appreciation for why it could be needed in some cases, but at the same time a little more fed up for the bogus reasons I see couples around me growing apart and allowing their relationship to fail.

I don't see someone's objection to a prenup as necessarily insecure. It could merely be their view of how much value they place on the survival of the relationship.
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