Porn/ masturbation


redlaced
on Jun 04, 2014 @ 09:11 am

Warning : this may be TMI for some and I don't mean to offend .

I am married and currently about 6 months pregnant with our first baby .

My husband and I have always had a very very good sex life . In the last few months I feel insanely insecure and self conscious . I don't feel as though he is as into me . He seems less sexually attracted to me . He doesn't seem to be bothered that our sex life has gone from multiple times a week to once .

We are very open with each other so I know he masterbates and looks at porn . ( as do I ) however it is eating at me lately . I find myself wondering if I'm enough . I'm in tears right now just at the thought . I feel like I've morphed into a mommy object and lost my sex appeal .

He says that he is more attracted to me than ever . He says porn is just fantasy . It's not realistic and those acts are objects .... Not people he actually wants to be with . In my heart I believe him because I know when I look at porn it is purely erotic .

He also works and we are living with my parents until we move into our house next month . We have a good amount of space but maybe that effects it also .

I just want to feel wanted and desired . Are these normal feelings ? I'm emotionally exhausted .
 


6 Replies


Petersgirl
Be patient on Jun 04, 2014 @ 12:34 pm

Perhaps he is afraid of hurting you or your unborn child, or living with your parents is stunting his sexual desires.

Don't read to much into this. It sounds like he truly cares for you and wants to be with you. Are you able to sit and discuss with hubby how you are feeling, reassure him that you still want sex and there are a lot of ways to perform sex that are fun but perhaps a different position, play acting or whatever it takes to get him stimulated.

It is good that you are open with each other and able to discuss the porn thing. Perhaps if you explained to him that you need him to make love to you to make you feel more loved. Initiate some foreplay or different ways of making love. Check out a few bookstores for some manuals on sex during pregnancy.

If all of this doesn't help, keep in mind that your pregnancy is almost over. Being pregnant will make you much more emotional and I am certain that that is not helping the cause either.

Good luck, hope all works out for you and hubby.
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Creamsicle
No Harm, No Foul? on Jun 10, 2014 @ 12:40 pm

Hey redlaced,

First off, your feelings are perfectly normal. Don't get discouraged by what is going on right now. I know how it feels to be six months pregnant, and it's an emotional and physical roller coaster! But know that most men I've talked to are very much attracted to their pregnant wives :) This pregnancy is preparing you for after the baby, too. When emotions are still crazy, you're exhausted, and you really don't feel like having sex after pushing a baby out of your hoo ha!

This is probably not what you want to hear. Even though porn may seem harmless at first, it doesn't stay that way. It easily becomes an addiction and addiction destroys relationships. My suggestion to you is to talk to him about how you feel. Let him know you aren't feeling loved and need more attention and affection. I would also make an agreement with each other to stop looking at porn. It will be hard to do, but well worth it in the end! Good luck and please keep us posted.
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fredamans
Don't fret on Jun 10, 2014 @ 12:57 pm

I think most of what you're feeling comes from the hormones of pregnancy. As long as you both have an open line of communication, and agree with porn and masterbating, and are ok with it, it is what it is. It sounds to me like you might not be as ok with it as you thought. That can change. I know the things I enjoyed before kids are not really my thing now. Be honest with your hubby. He is a man after all, and only knows what you tell him.
Good luck!
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redlaced
Thank you on Jun 10, 2014 @ 04:07 pm

Thank you for all the advice . I truly am okay with porn and masturbation . I'd say if anything I've always even had a bigger sex drive than him . I love that we are open and honest about what can turn us on . I'm also 100% aware of my ability to over think things and make them very dramatic in my mind .
I think not having control over my body and all of these changes is getting to me . I don't feel like a desirable woman anymore . I feel like my identity is the baby . That may sound crazy . I wouldn't trade any of this for the world but it is an adjustment . I never anticipated pregnancy being sooooo emotionally challenging ! Luckily in a month or so we will be back in our own place with more privacy . It's hard to make love or take that time in a home with my parents ! Although we do have privacy here its the thought of them in the house that can make it weird . I've vocalized to him that in needing more attention ( fair or not ) and as always he's very understanding and communicates with me .
I think taking a deep breath and controlling some of my swirling thoughts will help !
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Petersgirl
Very good idea on Jun 10, 2014 @ 04:40 pm

You are already starting to adjust, looks like everything will be ok, the main thing is the love and the communication you two share. When you are pregnant there are so many emotional changes and tjen you have the extra pressure of living with your parents. But it sounds like things have calmed down a bit for you. Great, things will work out for you both. Just keep remembering all that love you share, soon you will be in your own place and things will change again. Good luck! So glad things are looking better to you.
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mary moon
pregnancy and sex on Jun 11, 2014 @ 11:08 pm

I am well past child bearing years but can remember feeling this way at times during my pregnancy.Your body changing shape is an adjustment as well as the hormonal changes.Folks have posted some excellent points .Have family in the house sure puts a damper on many sex lives .Hope all works out well and keep on communicating with your hubby.
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