Porn


Birdyt
on Sep 13, 2012 @ 12:06 pm

So my boy friend and I starts dating July 2011 and I never knew he had a porn issue and that he lies to me about multiple things. After we got prego when I was just about to pop I found his porn history on his phone. The part that sucks is he watched rape porn and I was raped when I was a little girl. I was so mad and so hurt I felt like leaving right then in there but I figured I would give him another chance and try to keep our new little family together.

After our son was born I thought he stopped so I just went on taking care of our son and working as a new mom. I was swamped and still trying to get over the past. The problem came when we were watching his parents house before fathers day. He took his computer into the bathroom flaming to take a shower and listen to music. I had a feeling he was watching porn but when I asked he said he wasn't so I wanted to believe him but just last month I found the computer history where it said he was watching a DVD in there while "taking a shower" I told him I had proof and he still said he wasn't when I showed him he then admitted to it. I am so done that I gave him back his ring and said I won't Marty a man who does this and lies to me. I went outside to cry then he came out crying and begged me to take it and him back. He swore ( like he has before) that he would never do it again. It's been a few weeks and I'm almost sure he is watching it again but he is so sneaky and hides everything. He deletes his messages now every time he goes to sleep or puts his phone down. I'm not sure where to look in the house for his stash. Any ideas??? Please I need help.
 

28 Replies


Anonymous
Not trustworthy on Sep 13, 2012 @ 01:20 pm

Birdyt I'm so sorry you are going through this! It's awful enough if it's just the two of you but with a child in the picture, any problem is that much bigger.

I think it's very disturbing and disgusting that he would watch rape porn. I didn't even know such a thing existed! Rape is a violent, abominable act and I would question the morality and frankly, mental state of anyone who would watch that. Given that he knows you were raped as a child it's even more sick.

The lying and secrecy is also a deal breaker to any committed relationship.

I'm no psychologist and all I can give you is my personal opinion, but is this really the man you want to marry? More importantly is this the relationship you want your child to grow up with? I'm not advocating you take his child away from him, but if I were you I would rather raise my son as a single parent, with visitation or joint custody than further commit myself and my child to a full-time life with someone who jacks off to a woman being brutally violated.

Everyone always thinks it is best for children to grow up with two parents, but I think it is better for a child to have a stable home - whether that is provided by one or two parents.
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Birdyt
Anonymous on Sep 13, 2012 @ 01:38 pm

I agree and have very much thought about leaving him for this but I fell in love with the man I thought he was but I'm not sure he still is. I have told him that if I find it again then I am gone and we have already talked about who the baby will go with and have full custody of. He will be safe with me. I don't ever want my son to know what disgusting thing his father is into. But since I told him I would leave he has made it almost impossible to prove he is watching it still. I don't know how to catch him.
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Anonymous
You don't need to prove it on Sep 13, 2012 @ 01:48 pm

This isn't a court of law where you have to prove something in order to make decisions. You said "he lies to me about multiple things" and "he is so sneaky and hides everything. He deletes his messages now every time he goes to sleep or puts his phone down."

Those are the actions of someone untrustworthy. I have dated these kinds of guys. You don't have to catch him red-handed again to decide what to do.

I think you should make your decision based on what you already know and his current behaviour. If he is being honest with you, why is he deleting everything?

Also, you can't stay with someone because of their potential. What's more important is who they are right now. I have fallen into that trap too. See a person for who they are because who you want them to be, will never be... except in your head. It leads to a lot of tears and heartache.
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Birdyt
Reply on Sep 13, 2012 @ 01:59 pm

Sadly I understand and have no fighting come back. :( hurts though I have given my all to this man and I get a slap in the face for a return. I don't know what to do. I feel in order to justify leaving I need to catch him again. Am I really that messed up?
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Ali de Bold
You aren't messed up! on Sep 13, 2012 @ 03:24 pm

It's so hard when you love someone to leave even if you have good reason. But love isn't logical and doesn't always lead you to the right decisions.

If it were me, I wouldn't stay with someone like that. Especially not with a child in the picture. Your #1 priority is your child and making sure they are raised in a good environment. Big hugs to you!
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Birdyt
Ty on Sep 13, 2012 @ 03:28 pm

Thank you.
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KatelynRose1984
Yikes. on Sep 13, 2012 @ 06:48 pm

It's definitely hard to make a decision when you're not only in love, but have a child together. I went through that situation (not porn, but break up) and it was not easy at all. Honestly, you need to do what is best for you, and your child. If you are in a relationship where your partner is addicted to porn (to the point where he's lying, and hiding it from you) than I don't think it's a healthy relationship in the least. As hard as it will be, I would move on to something better.
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anita1
Not Fair! on Sep 13, 2012 @ 09:10 pm

If you can't trust him how can you have a good relationship? His lies show how little he thinks of what you have been through or what he has with you and your son. This is not a healthy loving relationship. You have to do what is best for you so you can look after yourself and your son.

There is someone better out there for you. Believe it.

Been there.
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Anonymous
chill out! on Sep 14, 2012 @ 02:22 pm

There is nothing wrong with your man watching porn, and you have NO right to know when or how often he masturbates. That is a very PERSONAL and completely healthy thing to do.

As for the type of porn he is watching, again NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! He isn't watching actual crimes committed, he's watching role-play scenarios.

I would like to actually point out, statistically speaking, many women are drawn to 'rape' role-play porn, nothing wrong with that. It's really no different then watching role-play porn involving a babysitter.
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Birdyt
Wtf on Sep 14, 2012 @ 02:56 pm

It is wrong. It is my business what he is doing under our roof and behind my back. I have made sex tapes of us so he could watch us but he said he does not want to he wants to see other naked women. So yeah I have a right to know when it's my heart being hurt. How dare you say it's not. This sort of shit ruins relationships all the time and I hope I can save ours. What if your spouse the one you loved one watched porn and when you laied down to have sex they were not thinking of you. No their thinking about the last porno they watched. How would you feel? Used maybe? Betrayed unwanted? So before you tell me I have no right then you best check yourself. I'm not allowed to look at men but he can look at other women?
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