pregnant.. not sure if i should tell ex or just go ahead and...

on Nov 03, 2008 @ 04:03 pm

my ex and i ended on a sour note. i honestly never want anything to do woth him ever again, but i found out i was pregnant today. im not gonna have it becaue in this stage of my life i just cant afford to in any way. i plan on having an abortion. we havent spoken and im wondering if i should contact him and tell him that im pregnant and what i plan to do or if i should just go ahead and do it and continue never speaking to him again.. please help me out

26 Replies

Ali de Bold
Tell him on Nov 03, 2008 @ 05:40 pm

Babies are a 50-50 deal. I think you should tell him because he has a right to know. It's your body but that baby is 50% his and he may not want you to abort it. That is something you should be prepared for.

Unless it was an abusive dangerous situation, that's what I think you should do.

still not sure.. on Nov 03, 2008 @ 05:54 pm

im scared about his reaction because when we broke up I said and texted some pretty bad stuff. it was never an abusive relationship but i honestly do not want to be with him anymore. we fought too much and i dont trust him as a boyfriend anymore. do u still think i should tell him given the circumstances?

more questions to add with previous question i asked on Nov 03, 2008 @ 06:07 pm

how should i bring this up to him? i honestly dont wanna call him would an email be ok? im worried about the reaction again because of the way we ended. how should i approach this? should i tell him what i plan on doing? please help me out i am so afraid and i know its gonna keep me from telling him

Ali de Bold
telling him on Nov 03, 2008 @ 07:48 pm

If I understand correctly you don't want to talk to him or see him in person because of the harsh things that you said when you broke up? You are afraid he will be more upset because of the way things ended? Or are you just embarrassed by the way you treated him?

Even if you can't stand each other any more you both need to be respectful and treat each other with basic dignity. Without knowing why you broke up you might consider starting off by apologizing for the way you treated him at the end. The best way to deflate a hostile situation is to be kind.

Call him up and tell him that though you do not want to get back together you feel badly for the way you spoke to him and that there is something important you need to discuss with him. You should either ask him to meet you at a neutral public location or have a phone call. An email is extremely impersonal for this sort of thing and he may react very poorly to that.

When you meet up (or talk on the phone), tell him that you thought he should know you are pregnant but that you do not want to keep the baby. If you plan to get an abortion, tell him about those plans. Keep it simple and short.

I know you are upset right now and talking to him is the last thing you want to do, but every man deserves to know if he fathered a child, unless he is dangerous or abusive in which case he has forfeited those rights. It's your body but you made that baby together.

Sorry you have to go through this.

Thank you on Nov 03, 2008 @ 08:23 pm

Thank you so much for your help..

Ali de Bold
No problem :) on Nov 03, 2008 @ 11:07 pm

Hope it helps. You'll get through it. Let us know how it goes :)

tough situation! on Nov 04, 2008 @ 09:54 am

I really feel for you! This must just be such an impossible situation, and I can't imagine how I'd react in this circumstance. I agree with MC that not including an abusive relationship, your ex deserves to know what has happened. It IS your body, you should choose how to proceed - but the baby carries his DNA and putting yourself in his shoes I think most reasonable people would say that they would want to know.

I also agree that an email is an awkward way to do this... unless you use it as an introduction to further discussion - like: "I have something really important to discuss with you... The way things ended was really messy and I regret my part in that... I'm nervous about contacting you again, but what I have to say shouldn't be shared in an email... just to be clear, I'm not trying to get back together with you but we need to have this one conversation and then we can go back to living completely separate lives... may I phone you later to discuss this, or if you'd prefer we could meet for a quick coffee..."

You are so brave to even consider letting him know. Many girls would be like "f--- that bastard" and just keep it secret. However, if I've learned anything from Days of our Lives ;) I know that every secret comes out eventually. I wish you strength and courage as you deal with this difficult situation!

have you considered... on Nov 10, 2008 @ 03:55 pm

adoption? I know you said you can't afford to have a baby right now. And you're probably thinking very emotionally right now, considering the way things ended with you and your ex. But try to take him out of the equation for a minute and see if you still really want to have an abortion. There are so many families in Canada who would love the chance to adopt your baby.

Ali de Bold
Adoption on Nov 10, 2008 @ 04:43 pm

I agree. There are so many who can't have children who would probably love to adopt your baby.

tell him, he would want to know if hes even half a man. on Jan 22, 2009 @ 09:34 am

wow... seriously do not to be a jerk but do women even consider the man in these cases ? im going thru something very similar odly enough me and my ex broke up back in september and latly the last couple months all i've been hearing from friends is that my ex girlfriend is claiming shes pregnant. frankly i want to be a part of my childs life but i dont want a god damn thing to do with that crazy ass women.

after about 2 months we began to be intimate with one another. and after about 4 months i couldnt beleave i had fallen head over heals for this women. she claimd to love me as well we discussed it as i couldnt really understand my fillings.

im not being rude i loved this women a great deal and i tryd my damnest to love her and care for and show her how i felt.

any who after 4 months her family interviend from my point of view and what she told me. i basically wasnt welcome in there family. she got a phone call one night after we had been intimate, and had to hurry home. i took her home of course. after that i heard nothing from her she was in big big trouble for something....

her family had claimd me a child molester and womenizer and a abusive person basically... now obviously im no such thing and immediatly offerd to even have a crimanal record check done i even offerd my ex ny social security number.

but no matter what every thing was down hill after that she became distant and around the 5th month i have a pretty good filling she wasnt just dating me any more.

we broke up pretty badly as well, she had her mother actully come to it was our work till i quit. and basically yell at me and tell me to leave her alone. i talkd to my ex later on that day and we broke up.

a week later she calld me and gave me the i think im pregnant speach....
being the guy that i am personally i wasnt to thrilld after what all had happend how ever my family my children my loved ones are THE MOST IMPORTANT thing in this world.
i was willing to try and work thru what ever had happend and be there for her during the pregnancy.

a week after that phone call i hadnt heard from her in a few days so i calld her up at work one day and got the leave me alone crap. i flat out told her to quit being a slut and lead people on.

needless to say i wasnt happy at that point in time. here i am doing 180's for this women and im getting the shaft.

2 months go by... im talking to a friend from her work my past work at this point and i got the impression that i should contact her i loved this women with all my heart so yes i sent her a couple of emails explaining my fillings and that if she is pregnant that im more then willing to due whats in the best interest of the child even if that was just having custody a child needs both parents in its life.
first email i got back from her was and i quote "why should i tell you anything you gave me a disease and our babie is dead now because of you!"

obviously you could see how someone would react to that specially since prior to her i had never had sex in any way shape or form.

also having had bloodtests and such not even a year prior i knew full well i had no disease or sti or std.

she end'd up saying she wasnt pregnant and askd me to just lut her be.
i to this day dont know what the heck is going on.

every man should know i promise if there even half decent they'll jump to the plate for there son or daughter with out question and with complete conviction.

Tell him.

personally i have more respect for someone whos willing to talk face to face with me then anything else. its easy to see lies in someones face and truth.

i would recomend taking your mom or dad with you but talking to your ex in private.
me personaly your new boyfriend would end up in the hospital.


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