secrets coming out....

on Dec 16, 2011 @ 07:35 pm

After a long few months of having no computer or internet, I can finally geek out again!!

I dunno if anyone remembers me gushing on and on about Jesse, but if you do, things are still going amazing, every day with him keeps getting better!! (tomorrow is 9 months!)  :-)

We actually recently had our first fight... something I NEVER want to do again. Within 24 hours we had worked things out, but me and Jesse dont even argue really, let along all out fight.
(and yes, I know when people first hear this their first reaction is "thats not healthy" but let me clarify... No, aside from our first one last week, we don't ever fight. Yes, we miss communicate. Yes, we disagree. No, we dont have the exact same opinion on everything. If one of us is hurt over something the other said, we know it was a misscomunication cause neither of us would say or do anything to hurt the other. If we disagree, we talk about it, hear eachothers side, and work on a solution. If one of us is irritable, the other doesn't push their buttons. So while we dont really argue, we still have an extremely healthy amount of communication)

Anyways, Im getting off topic...
I have no doubt in my mind that we're going to get married, have kids, the whole "white picket fence" deal. My whole family loves him, and while I've only met his sister (the rest of his family is out of province) I've spoken with his mom via email, and his sister that I met already introduces me as her sister in law. :-)

My family is fairly conservative Christian. (they know Im not)
I met Jess thru the gay scene. I first met him in drag. I dont even bat an eyelash at stuff like this, my best friend for awhile now does drag, and alot of our friends are trans/drag, or if not we know them thru the community. My parents dont understand or agree with this lifestyle.

Ultimatly, if they find out that before me, he hasnt dated a girl in over 10 years, or if they find out that he has (and still does) do drag (he makes a really hot chick btw lol) and they have an issue with it, it will NOT change my mind whatsoever. Im going to spend the rest of my life with him, there's nothing that will change that.

But for the first time, they really like the man Im with. And as much as their opinion wouldnt change my mind, family is very important to me, and I really want them to be a part of our lives & love and accept everything about us.

When we get married, 80% of the guests are gonna be gay. I know there's gonna be alot of people at the social & reception in drag. Neither of us would ever consider asking our friends to act like anything their not. Gauranteed they're gonna hear stories about him, and how he has more chick clothes than I do (I actually wear his alot of the times lol) and I dont want them to react badly in public, so I would need to bring this up to them beforehand.

Long story short... HOW??! lol
I feel like Im trying to think of how to come out to them, and in a way we kind of are...

But how do you tell your conservative, Christian parents that the man you love looks better in heels & a miniskirt than you do? And that you love each side of him, male & female?


3 Replies

Hi ErinLee!!! on Dec 18, 2011 @ 08:56 pm

Good to have you back here- it has been a while ;)

Now on to the subject at hand. That is some really tough stuff. I can't say I really know what to do because I have never been in your situation but I do sympathize!

I can tell you that if your family loves you, hopefully they will learn to accept your choices. I think the key thing is to explain how you feel, how your relationship and Jesse make you feel. I am sure all they want is for you to be happy and if you show them that you are happy, even if they don't understand it, they will accept it.

I would try not to overload them either, don't try and force something or push them. If they are angry or upset when you first tell them, try not to get into a shouting match just yet- it takes time to process these things. It's a big change for a family.

You did say that they know you are not conservative like them- so if they can learn to love and accept you like this, then maybe it won't be so bad??

Good luck though and let us know how it works out!

I remember you! :-) on Dec 19, 2011 @ 11:11 am

I'm so glad you're still as happy as you were when we last spoke / forum-ed :-)
I totally get the not-fighting-miscommunication that happens. My husband and I've been married for almost 2years now and we don't really fight either. Miscommunicate, but not really fight.

Anyways, as for your issue... as I see it you have two choices. Either talk to your friends and ask them to not mention his unconventionals in front of them, or talk to your parents and let them know that he shares your lifestyle and bottom line, him being who he is, his entire package, is what makes you happy. Whatever unconventionality he has about him makes him that much more compatible to you. He understands you more than a conventional guy could, and what he does on the side is fun, doesn't hurt anyone and most of all, doesn't hurt you. It's as much a part of your lifestyle as it is his.

Your parents and family love you to bits. We all have our set ideas of what is good and bad and what makes someone happy or not. When we love someone, we think they need to conform to our ideas to be happy, and because we want them to be happy, we have a hard time accepting that they may be doing something (that doesn't confirm to our idea of good) that might jepordize their happiness. It's your job to make your parents understand that what he does is completely suitable to your lifestyle. He is part of the community that you belong to, and what sets him apart from your conservative parents is what makes him so compatible to you.

Have a lot of patience and remind yourself over and over that it is precisely because they love you so much, that they may be concerned. Introduce them to your world and community, show them how you are so different from their ideals, and then introduce what he is and how what he his makes him so compatible to you.

That's just my 2 cents .. best of luck :-)

That's.... on Dec 19, 2011 @ 01:39 pm

....a tough one. I agree with what the others are saying. It could be overwhelming information for just one discussion. I'd say expose them gradually to the reality of your situation.

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