She asked him to do something to please her during sex and said no and turned his head away


pastrychefchick
on Jul 28, 2010 @ 07:12 pm

Alright,

You know how people have a kind of embarrassing story so they say, "I'm just asking this question for my friend?" Well this is not the case lol, a really good friend of mine came to me and for the first time in my life I didn't know what answer to give her. I felt bad and tried my best, but I know I was stumped and I felt like I should get some unbiased opinions. Here's the story, the were having sex and she asked him to kiss and suck her breasts and he said no and turned his head away from her as she brought her upper body closer to him, she said she felt rejected and the next day questioned him about it, he said why couldn't I just lay there and enjoy the moment and not have to do that for you? He made fun of the way she asked him to please her in a funny voice repeating what she said. She said she feels like a fool for the way he turned her down, they apparently argued about it this morning and it upset her so much she came to my house and has been here ever since, and the worst part is he hasn't even called or texted her since the argument. I feel so bad because all I know to do is just be here for her, but I dont know what to say. Any help? Any advice? Thanks a bunch!
 

18 Replies


mamaluv
huge red flag! on Jul 28, 2010 @ 07:47 pm

While I can understand a lover being uncomfortable with a bedroom request, his later behaviour is a gigantic red flag your friend should heed. Mimicking her voice in a mocking way - are we still in 4th grade? This is not the mature conversation they should have been able to have about his comfort level. He has the right to say no, as does anyone, even if the request seems pretty tame. However, he has no right to be so infantile about it and hurt her when she's feeling vulnerable.

She needs to take a break, perhaps even a permanent one from this guy IMO.
Reply

pinnkels
Jerk Alert! on Jul 28, 2010 @ 11:29 pm

I agree completely with mamaluv.

This guy is a total jerk (and that's just me putting it nicely, there are better words to describe this kind if guy that I don't think I'm allowed to say here) in my opinion. He does have the right to say no, but how he dealt with it afterwards is just plain rude, especially since he is supposed to be her boyfriend.
Reply

Becky
wow what an a**hole!!!! on Jul 29, 2010 @ 12:14 pm

omg what a total a**hole!!!! Wow... there's a limit how far someone can be an ass but this guy's way passed the line!!!! i don't even know your friend and I feel like going and kicking his puny little self for her!! ggrrr

He's a total insensitive jerk, but as pinkkels said, this is saying it lightly. There are other more appropriate words for that piece of work.

Your friend should most definitely take a permanent break from him!! There's a limit to what someone can condescend on and make fun of ... no one should have to put up with such an infantile cad.. that guy has a lot of growing up to do before he can even be considered man enough to be in a relationship.
Reply

Ali de Bold
Ouch! on Jul 29, 2010 @ 02:14 pm

I'm sorry, but that's horrible! I completely agree with Mamaluv.

Even if he wasn't feeling it in the moment, to mock her about it later is completely jerk like behaviour. I'd take this as a sign that he is not the one for her.
Reply

Mandy
I'm Speechless on Jul 29, 2010 @ 02:24 pm

What a Jerk! I agree with all of you. Not only is he selfish, he seems like he's almost just using you! Tell your friend she shouldn't be down over this - he's not worth it at all!
Reply

Anonymous
just to play devil's advocate for a brief second on Jul 29, 2010 @ 02:25 pm

I wouldn't be surprised if part of the reason he hasn't called or texted is that he's feeling pretty stupid right now. I'd say if he humbly begs her forgiveness and makes it up to her in a big way, this relationship could possibly be mended. If not, then he's not worth one second more of her precious time.
Reply

Ali de Bold
Apologize, yes but what else is going on? on Jul 29, 2010 @ 02:34 pm

He probably does feel badly. Unless he is completely cold. But I think his reaction says something about how he is feeling about the relationship. If he's in love and wants to be with her, his reaction doesn't make sense. It's not like she was asking for something kinky or unusual.
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pastrychefchick
update on Jul 29, 2010 @ 05:53 pm

My friend is still staying with me and I've got an update, she spoke with her b/f and he said I don't understand what's so wrong with me just wanting to enjoy the moment and not have to do anything, why can't I be pleased? He eventually apologized to her, but she tells me she just can't get over it. She's still hurt, and says everytime he apologizes its always followed by an excuse for why he said it, so the apology doesn't feel sincere. Everytime she says she wants time to herself to think, I can hear him on the other end saying " You've had two days to think, that's plenty of time" I can tell she cares about him, but she just needs a few days to think and he is so stubborn he won't at least give her that. He's rushing her to see him, and I can tell it's aggravating her, and not helping her think clearly. What should she do? She's my best friend and all I want to say is screw him, don't talk to him anymore. Thanks for all of your advice and opinions
Reply

TigerLilly
She should have time if she needs it on Jul 29, 2010 @ 06:05 pm

It sounds like they're thinking that it's over when it's actually not over or it's masking another larger problem, though I don't know what it is.

If she needs time to herself to think about things then he should give it to her. I think she should sit down with him and tell him straight up that she needs maybe a week with no contact from him (or whatever time she does need). If he really cares for her he should understand and do it and if he doesn't give it to her then that's just another jerky quality to add to his list. Granted, she'll have to explain it to him well. Saying something like that isn't easy and a lot of people won't do it correctly and it just comes off wrong.

Overall it sounds like he's not respecting her feelings and as a result she's obviously not happy. Sure she cares about him but what's the point if in caring for him makes her so unhappy. I'm not sure how close you guys are and if you can say that she shouldn't talk to him. If not, maybe you could just bring it up more indirectly saying that you've noticed the past couple of weeks that she's been more and more unhappy, if she agrees (which she should) and then why she thinks that is. Hopefully that'd lead to the b/f and you can start leading the conversation to why she is with him right now if it's making her so unhappy.
Reply

Ali de Bold
Tell her to take all the time she needs on Jul 29, 2010 @ 06:49 pm

You are a good friend and I think it's great you are asking for advice to help you decide what to say to her. It's easy to have a gut reaction in a situation like this but there are many things to consider.

What she needs right now is time. She may decide she doesn't want to be with someone who could treat her that way or she may decide to laugh it off one day. I don't think I'd be able to laugh about that. For him to humiliate her about it hours later after the initial discomfort has passed is very concerning. If he really wanted to "enjoy the moment" he could have said so in a much kinder way. Then, when she brought it up later, he could have told her how he felt without making fun of her about it. That's the part that really bothers me. There was no need for him to mock her about it. That's what a jerk would do. Who wants to be with someone like that?
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