should i stay?


Anonymous
on Jan 26, 2008 @ 11:44 am

My bf and I met online have been together for nine months. He recently came back from being in the states for two months b/c a family member was having some health issues. Upon his arrival he informed me that he plans to move to Australia sometime after he graduates, which will be no sooner than September.

He insists that he told me that he always wanted to go early in the relationship in one of the first emails he sent me, but he didn't, I checked them all.

I really care about him, and I'm sure he is not doing this to get me to break up with him but I don't know if I want to stay with him. The relationship won't go anywhere if he leaves (it's not for certain, says he has a lot of decisions to make) but I feel like if he had this plan all along he should have been upfront about it from the beginning which he wasn't.
 


5 Replies


Ali de Bold
Hmmm on Jan 26, 2008 @ 03:00 pm

This is a tough one. I think you need to separate the relationship from the fact that he may be moving.

Is this relationship working for you? Are you compatible? Could you see yourself marrying him and having children with him? Do you have more good times than bad? Do you have the same values and goals? If you answered yes to all of the above then I don't think you should necessarily break up just because he might want to move. If you only answered yes to a few of those, then I would consider moving on. Ask him what he wants from the relationship. If he doesn't know or give you a direct answer, then you have your answer.

I also truly believe that if a relationship is really working and both parties are totally into it, you would do everything in your power to stay together even if that means one of you relocating. But you both have to be 100% on the same page. I know a couple of cases where one person used the move as an excuse to end the relationship. He may be doing this, I don't know.

Try to think about this as practically as possible as emotions come and go but a good decision will always be a good decision.
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Feisty Redhead
depends on Jan 28, 2008 @ 06:27 pm

I agree with misschickie.

In addition to everything she said, I want to add that I think that if otherwise things are really good for you guys, you see a future together (both of you, I mean) then don't break it off just because he's thinking about moving. I think what you need to do is sit down with him and have a calm heart to heart about the issue. Try not to get upset with him or anything, just rationally explain to him what you're feeling, and find out what he's feeling. See where you both stand on the current status of your relationship, a potential future together, and what that will all mean when if he does in fact move. Would you be willing to move with him? Would he be willing to perhaps stay for you? Both of you just choose a new place altogether as a compromise? And ultimately, what's going to be best for YOU when all is said and done? Carefully think about all the possible options, and the consequences of each of those things. What's going to make you happiest in the long run?

Good luck and I hope that whatever happens you will be happy with the decision you make. =)
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hunter_jc
Yeah tough one. on Jan 29, 2008 @ 12:33 pm

I have many thoughts about this one so bare with me if i am talking random.
First, if he did plan the moving all along, then wouldn't he think of not being able to work out a relationship with you.
Second, I am not sure how deep is your relationship with him. If you do love him, then you have to let him go when he wants to go and have a better life.
I am confused with the emails thing there. So you guys met online. How many times did you actually see him in person and what did you guys do.
I think trying to rid him off your mind is the best thing for you. He is not your other half.
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MizzRobin
I am with the ladies on this one... on Jan 29, 2008 @ 06:24 pm

The best bet it is to have a sit down by yourself and look at your relationship clearly...examining the questions that MissChickie mentioned above. Once you have done that, if you think there is something worth discussing, then I would sit down and have a calm heart to heart with him as Feisty Redhead suggested. I would not necessarily break up with someone now if things are great now just because he 'may' go away later on. Life is what happens when you are busy making plans so who knows what could happen between now and then. I do think you should sit down and look at your relationship and then talk to him about it though...especially if you are thinking of ending the relationship all together. Communication is key. All the best!
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allychick_ling
he's just not that into you on Feb 21, 2008 @ 04:12 pm

I'm not going to sugar coat it but here it is...

Message 74:

There are ways to travel and be in a relationship, and there are ways to travel and make sure you stay out of one. The easy way to know the difference is if the guy tells you all the time how bummed he is that he has to keep leaving you. If he is not making a serious effort to make sure that while he's out of town you don't go out and find someone else, then I think you just boarded the he's-just-not-that-into-you-jet. Buckle up.



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