Single in high school

on Jan 01, 2008 @ 12:20 am

So i'm 17 and a senior in high school...and turning 18 in a few months. And have never had a boyfriend. I have been asked out but never really by anyone I was attracted to. I feel awkward because LOTS of girls I know have been dating and doin' God knows what else. I don't hand around with many guys, and the ones I know, i only like as friends. I can't seem to find a decent guy to go out with... and i'm not even that picky. WHAT IS UP WITH THIS?! I'm going to be the first girl to graduate high school without ever having been kissed. Any advice?

10 Replies

patience on Jan 01, 2008 @ 10:57 am

I know its a tough/awkward social situation, but the best advice is to keep waiting and being patient. You've probably heard the "P" word from others, but take it as sage advice.

If you're not interested in anyone, don't date someone just for that kiss. You're about to graduate ... there's a whole world still waiting for you beyond your HS years. If you're going to college you'll find the guys there a bit more mature and through your classes in your major, you'll probably meet some guys that share similar interests and personalities to yours.

The main message here is don't rush a good thing. You have a lot of time ahead of you to meet a really cool guy that you genuinely like. It probably won't hurt to causally date someone from HS just for the immediate social gratification (and a kiss), but it won't be a fulfilling experience.

Feisty Redhead
Agreed on Jan 01, 2008 @ 12:01 pm

I agree with spotty here. I did date in high school, but not much and didn't do "anything" compared to a lot of my friends and other girls I saw around the halls. That's fine. If you're comfortable not being in a relationship or even if you want to be in a relationship but just aren't interested in anyone right now there is nothing wrong with that at all. Don't date just because others are dating, don't try to push for your first kiss... in my opinion a first kiss is meant to be special. I know mine was. I still remember every detail to this day and I cherish those memories. If you rush/push for that kiss just because your friends have had their first kisses already or whatever, then it's not going to be special.

And you're not going to be the first girl to graduate high school without ever being kissed. My cousin never dated till her third year of college - she'd never been kissed before that or anything. And you know what? Her first boyfriend turned out to be the love of her life and they just got married this past summer, after they'd both graduated college and got good, steady jobs. No maybe that isn't how it'll happen for you (my cousin was darned lucky with her guy!) but it does show that single through high school and even most of college is not a bad thing and can even be good. =)

chiming in... on Jan 01, 2008 @ 12:45 pm

I dated someone in tenth grade who I thought I liked. Then he gave me my first kiss and it was like .... no. I was sad about that, and almost immediately afterward started to lose interest in him. I had had a crush on someone else before and during this relationship, and the fact that I was thinking about the other guy rather than my boyfriend was a huge clue to me that this was going nowhere. So I broke things off after only a few weeks and didn't get asked out again until after graduation - lol!

So I was curious about the dating thing and getting my first kiss, but it was such a fizzle that I regret the whole thing (esp since the guy was way more into me than I had been into him. Ugly mess, really). I absolutely agree with Spotty and Feisty. Dating or getting kissed by someone who's not really what you're looking for will only disappoint. Wait for something real, and maybe it'll be your *true love* (if I may use such a corny phrase!). I'd be much more concerned if I were in your situation but already 30+ years old. You still have so much time.

Sorry, I know this isn't what you want to hear. It certainly would have seemed like crappy advice to me when I was in high school, but take it from some of us older and wiser girls ;) it's worth the wait!

Never dated in high school... and absolutely no regrets! on Jan 01, 2008 @ 03:37 pm

Anonymous, I can definitely relate to you. I never dated when I was in high school, while plenty of my friends were.

I, like you had been asked out, but I wasn't interested in them. I graduated high school without being kissed. And I'm not embarrassed in the least bit to say that!

In fact, when my best friends from high school look back on those relationships, they regret them. Many of them say that there were immature, and happened because of all the teenage hormones they were experiencing! Wanting to kiss, "make out", etc. and that "other" stuff. In fact, some of my friends wished that the "other stuff" came later, because there are consequences to fooling around when you're really young. I even have a few distant friends that ended up with unplanned pregnancies at 17.

But most especially, my closest girlfriends talk about how immature the boys were, because let's face it, boys are extremely immature at that age!

I'm 21 now and in my final year of university, and I've been with an amazing guy for 3 years. Ironically, my boyfriend is from high school. I really didn't know him at all back then. But please note: I AM EXTREMELY GLAD THAT WE DIDN'T DATE IN HIGH SCHOOL. Because you know what? It most likely wouldn't have lasted. In fact, we still talk about this today, that we're so glad we never dated back in high school. I started dating him in first year of university, and it was completely random the way we ran into each other.

And I don't deny either that I wasn't curious about that stuff back then. I was, but I didn't worry about it too much because I wanted to wait until I found the right guy. And I did :)

Anonymous, you are NOT missing out anything. Seriously, trust me! From my perspective, and the perspective from all these ladies who also responded, YOU WILL BE SO GLAD THAT YOU WAITED. Adult relationships are just so much meaningful... you will look back on all those high school relationships and think, "Man, to think that I wanted to date when all there were around were immature stupid boys and raging hormones?"

There's a reason why they say: "Good things come to those who wait!" ;D

My high school was almost exactly like yours except on Jan 01, 2008 @ 05:27 pm

I decided that I had to have a boyfriend and took up with this cute, talented pianist. Ultimately, I chose to be with him because of my own insecurity and wanting to do what the other girls were doing, For two years I ended up with a very possessive, cheating, racist and homophobic leech. He was everything I didn't want in a friend much less a boyfriend but I got caught up in thinking he'd change. I lost my friends, my sense of purpose and almost gave up my dream to live with him in San Francisco.

But after our relationship ended, the best two years of my life began because I deliberately didn't date. I used that time to find myself again, to do what I wanted and with whom I wanted. By the time I met my last boyfriend - we've been married for 7 years and together 12 years - I knew what I wanted, what I was willing to compromise on and what was completely unacceptable. No one is perfect,

This is the one time in your life when you can be completely selfish. Explore the world, try new things and if you meet someone who starts out as a friend and with time becomes someone closer, than that's great. Not that you ever give up those things once you get into a relationship. When you have a partner, you have to consider his feelings.

Enjoy your senior year because its the start of a great big adventure!

Mary C.

You're right. You're so right. on Jan 02, 2008 @ 09:59 pm

Thanks for the advice, ladies ;)

the other side here! on Jan 03, 2008 @ 11:48 am

I have to admit I had a boyfriend for the last 3 years of highschool. But it has to be for the right reasons, as stated above. I went to an all girls convent school, so dating wasn't about social status etc. I only dated 2 guys, and it was because I liked them. One of them ended up lasting for years beyond high school. I am glad I didn't go to a mixed school, because social pressure is awful, and seeing them everyday can be a bit much. I agree that if there is no one you want to date there, then don't do it. Always best to look outside your school. And honestly, the guys in college/university are way better! Seriously, not even close to high school boys. Good luck to you, and holding out for that special kiss is worth it!!!

wow - you sound just like me on Jan 03, 2008 @ 10:35 pm

If it's any consolation, you aren't alone. I went through high school boyfriendless. Even went alone to prom (welll with 6 girlfriends, but otherwise alone). After the boy I liked was asked right in front of me to go with another girl -I was crushed. Of course, the week before prom we ended up spending alot of time together decorating the arena and on prom night we danced to most of the slow dances together...and by the end of the night I had my first boyfriend. It was worth waiting...even though he only ended up being my "boyfriend" for 3 weeks (though we are still friends to this day)

Oh and the girl he went with that night teasingly called me a "prom date stealer" for the rest of the school year...but told me she had made sure ahead of time that he knew they were only going as friends who'd known each other since first grade.

All is not lost just because the end of high school is approaching - just don't be afraid to put yourself out there when you have your eye on never know how it might turn out (and you could be very happy with the outcome)


Not a Big Deal on Jan 07, 2008 @ 05:17 pm

I agree with what most people are saying here - there is such huge social pressure to date in high school. I dated in high school but none of my relationships lasted longer than a couple months. I had my first kiss when I was 16 and it wasn't all butterflies and fireworks because I just wanted to get it over with - I only ended up dating the guy for another month when I figured out I really only liked him because I liked that there was a guy paying attention to me, not that I liked him specifically.

Honestly, I know how much it sucks but I had a lot of friends who just didn't date in high school, and they are doing just fine!!! I have a boyfriend now who I actually went to high school with but, we never were involved other than being what I call "school friends" (you never see them outside the walls of the school)

Spending time single in High School really helps you figure out who you are - I know many girls who were dating all through high school and then the relationship ended while in university - they didn't know who they were and that made dating more difficult for them because they were so used to being with someone.

You are not alone in this situation and keep you chin up, when it's right it WILL happen!


no biggie... on Jan 09, 2008 @ 03:48 pm

Being single in high school is not a big deal whatsoever. I had a boyfriend throughout high school but many of my friends did not and in the long run it does not make a difference. If you are not attracted to anyone then I would not worry about each their own and in their own time... that's what I always say. Be true to yourself and it'll be all good. :o)

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