So confused. Someone please help

on May 01, 2013 @ 12:13 am

I've been talking to this guy for about 3 months now. We had both agreed from the start that we didn't want anything serious because we had both just gotten out of long relationships. It started out all fun and flirty. We exchanged sexy pictures and always joked about sex. It was more than that though, we became best friends in the time that we have been talking. The first time we hungout we went to dinner then back to my place to drink. Later on that night we almost had sex and probably would have if there wasn't a little issue with the alcohol. We cuddled that night and when we woke up the next day everything was still fine. No awkwardness or anything. In fact we almost had sex again after a fun little game of strip poker but had no condom. We were pretty lazy the rest of that day, we just lounged around, but he couldn't seem to stop touching me. Like we were sitting on my bed and he kept rubbing and touching my legs and arms. It was in a sweet way though not perverted. We hugged for a really long time before he ended up leaving. A few days after that I texted him and told that I liked him but he had nothing to worry about because I wasn't looking for more than friendship I just thought he should know. He told me that he thinks we are better off as friends and he wanted to ho around since he never got the chance to do so before and what happened would probably never happen again because he didn't want to ruin out friendship and he felt kind of weird after. That same day we hungout because he just so happened to be in town (he lives 2 hours away btw) and everything was fine. We went to lunch and then visited with his mom for awhile. It's been a month or so since all of this happened and now we don't talk nearly as much as we used to and there is pretty much no flirtation. It may be because he has a job now, but it feels like more. Did I freak him out by telling him I like him? Is he embarrassed about what happened? Or do you think he really secretly likes me back?

7 Replies

:) on May 01, 2013 @ 09:38 am

Life is too short. Tell him how u feel. YOU have NOTHING to lose.

Yeah on May 01, 2013 @ 09:43 am

He already knows how I feel lol

Move On on May 01, 2013 @ 09:52 am

It seems to me like this situation is pretty resolved and clear: he was just looking for some fun and you really liked him and he wanted something meaningless. He doesn't want to ruin your friendship. I think its time to leave it be. Chalk it up to a few fun mistakes and move on. I'm not saying he doesn't like you, but I am saying that he isn't really to be involved with anyone. You deserve better than someone flaky.

Agree with Alexjc on May 01, 2013 @ 10:49 am

I also think that this was A Moment you shared but now it's passed and you may not recapture it again. I don't necessarily think he's being a jerk, since after all he was always clear he was looking for a no-strings-attached kind of thing. Life gets busy and priorities change... I think it's great that you told him where you stand and at least you won't have regrets on that side of things.

In fact, have you considered that he's trying to be a nice guy by distancing himself because he knows that at the moment he can't give you the commitment you deserve? It would be so much worse if he was leading you on. Ideally he should be more communicative, but that's the old story of differences between men and women (and yes, I'm generalizing but you know what I mean).

No on May 01, 2013 @ 11:50 am

He's not flaky at all. He has his own thing going on, I know that. I never expected a commitment from him and I told him that. I just things to be how they used to be. Do I wish we had something more? Sure. But I'd rather have him as a friend than nothing at all. He actually told me before all of this happened that he felt like we were getting closer and it scared him. And no, I don't think he was just being a jerk by saying so. He just got out of a 7 year relationship where she left him for his now ex best friend (my ex boyfriend) so getting as close as we have in the short amount of time that we did probably did scare him. Yes, I realize I asked for opinions in the matter, but I wasn't wanting to trash talk him.

Tricky stuff. on May 01, 2013 @ 01:04 pm

Sounds like your lives are very intertwined (if I read that correctly his girlfriend dumped him for your ex?) so it can be hard to differentiate what has happened because you guys really like each other and what has happened because of circumstance. You said you were both fresh out of long-term relationships too, so that may have influenced the situation.

He may like you but not be ready for commitment as mamaluv said. Even though you told him you wanted to be just friends, if he feels he's going to end up dating you (because he does like you) he might be distancing himself. He told you he wanted to play the field, so you gotta let him do that. 7 years is a long time, he needs some time by himself to enjoy being young and single!

If you're serious about being friends with him, tell him! Maybe implement a 'no-touch rule' when you guys hang out...say because you've hooked up in the past you know the attraction is there, but you don't want a complicated relationship you just want to be friends, so no kissing/hugging/rubbing etc. when you guys are together. This takes any awkwardness out of you two getting together, and it makes it easier on both of you because you won't have to stress about whether or not you should make a move. And if he doesn't want to hang out after that, then you know he was just looking to fool around with you and nothing more, and then you can let it go and move on.

But right now i'd say enjoy being single, and best of luck to you both

Thank you! on May 01, 2013 @ 02:01 pm

That actually makes a lot of sense. I don't know why I didn't think about that. We already hung out again after that and everything was fine like I said. I'm sure if we hangout again everything will still be fine, I just worry way too much.

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