So Confused

on Jun 26, 2010 @ 05:00 pm

I just re-entered the dating world after being in a LT relationship that ended - not too well.  But I'm doing alright and feeling good about it.  I recently met this guy at work and really took a likeing to him.  I found out he is 20 and I'm 25 which would've been a deal breaker, but i there is something about him-hard to explain. 

So we have been e-mailing and texting (which I hate-but welcome to 2010), and I can't tell what the deal is? He stares at me, gave me his number (after I gave him mine), tells me to give him a call whenever I need him, notices little details about my appearance, and started texting me more. But he retracts sometimes, and it's frustrating.  I'm puzzled if he just doesn't know how to communicate effectively or just doesn't know how to handle my style. I'm very blunt because I hate guessing games. I told him I like him, and he said he didn't know what to say, and that he was shy.  But he wanted to hang out...but everytime I make a suggestion he flakes out. 

I told him if he's not feelin' it he should just say so...He said it wasn't like that...-rather ambiguosly- and I'm annoyed with myself for being so hung up on a guy.  I guess it's narcissitic of me to think that I like myself so why shouldn't he, but I'm confused?? If guys are so balck and white- then why doesn't he just say- hey I'm not feelin it- and I'd be cool- I'm not good at guessing what people are thinking-not a mindreader...

what is one to do?


6 Replies

update on Jul 09, 2010 @ 01:32 am

so he's very sarcastic and so am I and texting and even sometimes face to face it's hard to distinguish our jokes between truth-and we both know that. He was crabby all day when we worked the other night-but wanted me to wait for him after work and it was like 11pm so we talked for an hour after about nothing too prolific, but I had a great time. I was really hoping he would make some sort of move but he didn't. he kept bragging about how great he was with the "ladies" etc...and I was getting confused because everyone says he's really nice. My co-worker who is his friend even suggested we get together...ODD right..but I text him later that night- and I asked why he sometimes says he doesn't do much and then talks like he has all this game. He said he know he has no game and doesn't want any- He like me doesn't have random sex...but there really hasn't been that clear statement "I Like You Too"- but we all communicate differently. He's always textin me that he's not going out or with any girls that night which I don't care about because we're not together but it's nice to know that he extends the thought. I just don't know what to think anymore---not that anyone is a mindreader- but I've broken all the dating rules- is there still hope?

cut the cr@p on Jul 09, 2010 @ 09:14 am

It's time to have one potentially embarrassing conversation where someone flat out says "I like you - do you want to go out?" You are on a merry-go-round and it sounds like you aren't anywhere close to exiting the ride.

I'm confused and that just from reading here. I'm sure it's 100x worse for you. You guys need to get to the point and either move on or get together!

Ali de Bold
Age issue on Jul 12, 2010 @ 03:59 pm

5 years isn't a big deal, but I think the difference between a 20 year old man and a 25 year old woman is huge. At 20, he's still thinking like a teenager, but at 25 you're thinking like an adult. He probably likes you (as a crush) but isn't looking for anything serious. I'm just speculating based on his behaviour, and any 20 year old boy I ever knew.

I'd cool off and not spend time analyzing his motives. If he wanted to go on a date with you, he knows how to ask - shy or not. Maybe it would be better not to jump into anything right now anyway since you just got out of a relationship? If he's the right guy and you are meant to be together, it will happen. But there's nothing you can do to make it happen and he probably lacks the emotional maturity to tell you his intentions one way or the other right now.

Re:So conused on Jul 12, 2010 @ 10:21 pm

Its so hard to go start dating again especially as you said the last relationship ended not so well.I'm not sure how long it was until you dated again but you really need to get to a good spot before you date again.Believe me I know!I'm Quite a bit older then you and have been there!So you may be really still getting over your last relationship and jumping into something that is not going to be good.Ali is 100 % right he is still very young.You may be his first girlfriend and he may not know how to act or sorry to say he may just not be interested and be a bit of a player.It really took me a long time to figure out that you just know when someone really cares about you and is interested in you they will prove it and you dont have to be confused and wonder if he likes you trust me it took lots and lots of years to understand that .I kissed lots of frogs before finding a Prince!I may be old fashioned but let him call you just stand back and if its meant to be let him make the advances.This way you will know if he truly cares and if this relationship is really worth it.Take Care.

relationships should be easy at the beginning on Jul 15, 2010 @ 02:40 pm

Based on my experience, I've found that the best relationships are ones that are easy at the start. The hard work comes from years of being together when you have to learn to compromise and choose to be with that person rather than relying only on feelings of butterflies and lust to keep you two together. If it's that hard just to get it started, I'd say it's not going to work out. Sorry, just my 2 cents.

Finally-lol on Jul 16, 2010 @ 01:29 pm

I appreciate everyones replies...and no one has to apologize for any possible unwanted scenarios...that's the way it goes sometimes...i asked him straight out if he likes me because I like knowing where I stand...and he said he wasn't sure either way because he hasn't known me long enough. And frankly I like the answer. I tend to rush right into things and go head first without thinking..and our friendship hasn't been one of difficulty because we are very at ease with each other...It has just been 'confusing' for me because I have never really had a plutonic male friend. It has always been friends of my bf or friends of my gf's so I don't really know what it's like to just have a truly nice guy friend. And I have to say it is really great. I was stuck at the airport the other day and it was 1 am and he came and picked me up, and I thought that how great it was to have a nice person who is unmotivated by anything other than friendship. I still am attracted to him-and I probably still need some time to heal from the last relationship-which still needs some resolving. But I think I need to stop thinking about it- ironic enough- and just have fun because for now I'm happy that I'm away from the old guy and moving on because I never thought I would. Thanks to everyone!!!

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