so confuzed............


Anonymous
on Mar 15, 2009 @ 01:07 am

i have known this boy for a few years now. we went to highschool together and everything and have kept in touch even after highschool. it is kind of a shock because he is mainly the only guy i keep in touch with after grad and i have always liked him! there is alot more to say but will get to the point....we are still keeping in touch now and my feelings have gotten stronger then ever. i dont think he sees me the same i see him but gives me mixed signs alot! he says hes not good with his emotions which i think is a total piece of crap. we have never been together because he was with a girl for like 2 years and she treated him like dirt but he loved her so much and they finally broke up. he would always tell me stuff about her and i would get mad but we are best friends and i couldnt tell him anything so i would just listen and help him if he needed advice. he is mainly the only guy i have ever told personal things to and he has opened up to me alot too. the things im stuck on is we have been seeing each other like as far as going to each others houses and chilling but have gotten closer as far as physical and have been talking about being intimate. i am still a virgin and he has only done it once no more then twice and hasnt in a while. i like him so much that i will do anything and already told him i want him to be my first but scared im going to get hurt especially if he doesnt feel the same. i just dont want to regret ever losing it to him and we have done friends with benefits and havent gone past third base. all my friends say to wait for the RIGHT ONE but i dont want to wait....should i listen to my friends or if i think im ready should i test and see how it goes?? also worried how things will be after even though he says things will not be different please help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 


4 Replies


forpetesake
here it is on Mar 15, 2009 @ 04:11 am

i'm about to muck around with a 19 yr old and i am prob old enough to be your mother so keep context -



you will lose your v at some point. statistically its unlikely to be
bliss the first time so the more nice factors the better. next, as you
get older you find that male best friends link up with other women and
its a rare guy that can hold out against the gf/ wife onslaught against
the female close buddy - most of those relationships will end anyway.
keep eyes wide open - it could be a v nice way to drop the v but you
may lose the g. after 42 yrs experience i'd lose the v...
Reply

mamaluv
don't give it away on Mar 15, 2009 @ 02:44 pm

I can sympathize with your situation - really! Of course your first time should be with someone you care about... and the reverse is also true - it needs to be with someone who cares deeply about you.

For most girls, the first time is uncomfortable and you probably won't enjoy the actual act (though the closeness it brings is beautiful, sure). If on top of all this you are giving it to someone who probably won't cherish this special gift, you are selling yourself short.

I'm not saying 'wait until marriage', although I do believe you should save it for someone you are truly committed to and he to you. Listen to your friends who know you so well. Save it for someone special or wait until this guy is ready to be there for you in every way.

A consideration most girls forget before it's too late is: 'If I get pregnant, will he be there for me AND will he make a good father to my child?' If you can't answer that question, you should reconsider sleeping with him in the first place. Plenty of women get pregnant all the time despite using proper birth control.

There are several other threads in this forum about Friends With Benefits / f--k buddies. The overwhelming majority of those who've left comments is that you are heading into dangerous territory. Be sure you know what you're getting into.

*hugs*
Reply

Ali de Bold
Hurt vs. losing your virginity on Mar 15, 2009 @ 05:01 pm

You already have feelings for him, and it doesn't sound like they are reciprocal, which means you'll be hurt for sure. You aren't going to win him over with sex. If he's not into you after all of this time together, getting naked isn't going to change anything, except you wanting more.

I would focus less on losing your virginity and more on not putting yourself into situations where you will be hurt.
Reply

michelle08
thanks on Mar 15, 2009 @ 09:13 pm

hey! i really appreciate all the advice. i have really been doing alot of thinking and have decided to just not talk to him for a while. i have tried this before though and still he ends up calling and texting and i cant tell him to just leave me alone and give us space. we have just have so much friendship to just throw away and i know that after a while of ignoring him he will get the point and then things will get weirder and weirder and eventually we will not talk ever again! i have to be really honest with him and tell him how i truly feel...the whole friends with benefits hurts as much as not being with him and knowing that he talks to other girls even though i have accepted that we will be no more than friends. the truth is i have a problem with just being straigh up real and tell guys how i feel but he does know i still have feelings for him.

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