Stating Friedns with an EX


chula9696
on Apr 12, 2010 @ 04:14 pm

OK, WHERE DO I START?  LETS START AT THE BEGINNING.  MY CURRENT
BOYFRIEND OF 3 YEARS AND I HAVE BEEN HAVING PROBLEMS BECAUSE OF HIS EX
GIRLFRIEND. 

HE TOLD ME ABOUT HIS EX WHEN HE KNEW THAT I WASNT JUST ANOTHER GIRL IN
HIS LIFE.  i ACCEPTED IT FROM DAY ONE.  HER AND I BECAME FRIENDS.  BUT
THINGS CHANGED, HIM AND I HAD A BABY.  AND THINGS WENT IN A DIFFERENT
DIRECTION.  SHE ENDED UP SEPARATING FROM HER HUSBAND AND GUESS WHO WAS
HER COMFORT???  YOU GUESS IT, MY BOYFRIEND.  THEY WERE TEXTING EACH
OTHER AT LEAST 60 TIMES A DAY...AND TALKING AS WELL.  OF COURSE I HAD A
PROBLEM WITH THAT AND I BROUGHT IT TO HIS ATTENTION.....AND I ALSO
CONFRONTED HER ABOUT IT.  WELL, IT DIDNT STOP, THE TEXTING. 

SHE WAS LIVING IN VEGAS WITH HER HUSBAND FOR SOMETIME AND CAME BACK TO
E.L.A.  THAT IS WHEN THEIR PROBLEMS STARTED. AND OF COURSE THE TEXTING
AND TALKING.  ANYHOW, SHE WAS ATTENDING UNLV, AND MAY OF 2009 SHE WAS
GRADUATING, THATS WHEN ALL THE PROBLEMS ACTUALLY STARTED.  SHE CROSSED A
LINE, THEY WERE DISCUSSING GOING OUT WHILE BEING UP THERE, AND MY HONEY
AND I HAD ALREADY AGREED THAT SINCE WE HAD THE BABY, WE WERE NOT GOING
TO BE GOING OUT.  BUT YET, SHE FELT LIKE SHE HAD A SAY IN IT.  WELL SHE
CONFRONTED ME AND TOLD ME WHY CANT HE GO OUT WITH THEM???  AND I TOLD
HER THAT WAS BETWEEN HIM AND I.  SHE COULDN'T ACCEPT THAT. SHE WAS
TRYING SO HARD AND EVEN GAVE HIM A HARD TIME.....THEIR WAS A BIG
ARGUMENT AND EVEN TRIED TELLING HIM THAT WHY DO I NEED TO USE THE FAMILY
ABANDONMENT CARD WITH HIM. SHE SAID THEY WERE FAMILY TOO. 

ANYHOW EVER SINCE MAY OF 2009, OUR RELATIONSHIP HAS WENT DOWNHILL
BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE SHE CROSSED A LINE.  THERE IS SO MUCH MORE TO THE
STORY....LETS JUST SAY THAT IT EVEN GOT TO THE POINT WHERE SHE TOLD HIM
THAT HE KNEW DAMN WELL THAT HE DIDNT NEED A MOM AND A DAD TO MAKE A
FAMILY.

HE WONT LET GO OF HIS FRIEND....ANY ADVICE????  PLEASE HELP!!!!
 


1 Replies


Anonymous
ridiculous.. on Apr 15, 2010 @ 04:45 pm

this is absolutely ridiculous in my opinion. i have learned first hand that remaining friends with an ex always causes some sort of argument or heat in a relationship. I believe the past is the past and thats where it should be left especially if you have someone new in your life. Obviously if they had kids together it would be a dif story but from what you have stated, that is not the case. I chose NOT to remain friends with any of my exes. I put myself in my partners shoes and say to myself my ex was someone i was intimate with and someone who i cared for at one point in my life, it is not fair to put my current boyfriend through the discomfort of knowing that and seeing us together and have him secretly worrying and maybe a bit jealous because i dont believe you can just switch that off and not be jealous and not worry.
When you end a relationship I believe everyone such as your ex's family and friends should understand that and respect your new partner and not force you to do anything that would be disrespectful like continuosly talking or texting or talking to you about your ex. His ex sounds like she thinks she's entitled to something and she needs to be set straight, not by you but by your boyfriend, and from the way it sounds he doesn't see anything wrong with what he's doing which to me is ridiculous. You said they text each other back and forth about 60 times, this is insane! I don't even text my current boyfriend that much! If he's texting her that much then when does he text you? That is simply unfair to you! I understand that she might have been upset and going through some personal issues, but if she respected his relationship with you she would have never even dared to contact him, let alone ask him to hang out. I'm damn sure she has tons of friends she could go to for comfort who aren't an ex and who aren't in a relationship. So ask yourself did she contact him for more than just needing someone to vent to? And is there more going on in his head that he thinks it's ok to continue contacting her when he knows it bothers you? It sounds like there is a HUGE lack of respect here and both her and his part. I think that there might be more to this than you know. Why is he so willing to continue talking to her when he knows it bothers you? I he respected and cared he would never put you in this position, I hope this works out for you. You are not being respected at all. You need to put your foot down and demand some respect. This behavior is wrong and it needs to stop or you need to just get away from him. I can understand some ex's being friends I do have some friends who are still friends with their ex's but they never text or talk to their ex as much as you said your boyfriend does. Its usually the occasional hello or if they do need to talk to their ex about something important its done once in one conversation and thats it. it does not continuously happen and it never becomes an issue or an argument. like i said is he the only guy she could talk to when she needed someone? i bet not! I wouldn't be surprised if she has an ulterior motive. goodluck
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