Stressed Boyfriend=Stressed Relationship


Katie87
on Jun 06, 2012 @ 03:04 am

I have a boyfriend of 3 years who is recently was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis begining of this year. Which is when everything started happening (fighting). He is taking medication to help with his medical problem. He works in a factory, on a "line" and isn't able to walk away to use the bathroom as freely. So with that being a problem he has had some problems with his supervisors writing him up for shutting down machines to use bathroom, forgetting little things etc. He went to the union and they fixed the problem by letting one of the supervisors go but there are two others giving him problems. So he has been calling off or having the doctor write him off. So with him having stress at work is causing him to loose 12 pounds in a 4 month spand and having flare ups is not good for his health and might result to surgery, which includes loosing 75% of large intestine. When there is stress he has "explosions", like hissy fits or not liking what I did and blowing up on the person that means the most which is me. He s going to midnight shift on the weekends for 12hrs fri-sun. So he won't have to deal with those supervisors, but there is still stress like his family and mine tell him you should go back to work you'll loose your job, you need to eat healther, and you just bought a boat and truck payment to make, you could have got a house and be engaged so on. My mother and nana told me to sit back and look I could be married, had kids with him and I would be supporting them. But that is not his fault, he is sick and on medical (fmla) so he is recieving a check just not as much as he would if he was working. Don't get me wrong they love him to death but I didn't understand what they were thinking when they said that to me. I don't know if I should tell them to pretty much shut up or what, I don't want to step on his toes with telling his family he knows what to eat he's 25 years old. His doctor advised him to see a councelor but he won't and I feel that it would help because I am tired of being this punching bag. I do alot for him and go to every doctor appointment, buy him things randomly, make him something sweet and I feel that I don't get the same treatment as he does from me. He does some nice things but not like I do. We have lunch all the time at a ma and pa diner but no fancy/nice restruant for dinner where I could dress nice or go somewhere we both could have fun. We haven't done that in a long time with no one else but us. That is all I ask for one in a while is to go out. Try talking about it but tells me I'm stressing him out. I don't know what to do anymore. I am sorry if this is all a bunch of rambling but I want us fixed, I love him hes a good guy but hes not being mature and responsible and the guy I started dating 3 yrs ago. I just need guidence to tell me what I should do.
 


4 Replies


bubbles77
~~So sorry you are going through so much~~ on Jun 06, 2012 @ 04:36 am


Hi Katie87,



So sorry you are going through so much, and your poor
boyfriend, not having good health is a very hard situation for anyone to deal
and cope with.

Help him by being there for him - it's tough living with ulcerative colitis and
being at the hospital, or work is the last place ulcerative colitis
sufferers want to be at. I know he may be more grouchy than usual, but it's the
disease causing that, keep reminding yourself of that. It is very very hard to
learn to cope with sick family members, trust me I know my dad is bad diabetic
and he has severe mood swings and his temper can flare up in seconds and he can
flip out very easily over nothing. It's easy to take it personal, and for you
to think it's you, but he is the only one that can fix him, no matter how hard
you try, only he can learn to deal and cope on his terms in his own time. This
all very new reality for him and you, time, patience and education will help a
great deal. Men especially can be head strong when they are not well,
especially feeling like the bread winner in some cases and suddenly they can't
provide as they once did, and illness affects men differently, they just aren't
built like us women , that’s why we are the ones to give birth(just kidding).
His diagnosis is very new to all of you, and it will take a while to adjust and
face reality, which is sometimes very hard to face. Get a good routine going,
plan ahead and try and talk him into checking out some vitamin options, there
are some great options out there. If you are the one to purchase groceries and
prepare meals, make the best choices for him and get creative with what you can
work with.



As a present from you to him, you may want to look into natural remedies
like AloeElite, which is the only one I can personally speak about there may be
plenty of others as well. My cousin took it for her ulcerative colitis
and her symptoms were almost all gone in weeks and it doesn't have the side
effects prescription medications have. I personally have not tried this product
but I do know of a family member who had great results. It can't hurt to try, I
have added a link to this message where she found information on this product,
do some research and it may be a good fit for your family http://www.ulcerativecolitistreatment.net/.



Another great site I found for you to have a look at is http://www.everydayhealth.com/ulcerative-colitis/when-your-loved-one-has-ulcerative-colitis.aspx.



The article is titled "When Your Loved One Has
Ulcerative Colitis", it seems to have some great ideas and advice.



Just know you are not alone, today is tough, but tomorrow will be better.
Having a family member develop a sudden illness can cause normal people to do
strange things. Hang in there, there is always light at the end of the tunnel.
I wish you all the best.



Take Care,



Bubbles 77

Reply

Ali de Bold
That's rough on Jun 12, 2012 @ 03:57 pm

This is a tough one because I think it's important to understand his condition in order to give an opinion. I can only imagine this has been really rough for him.

At the same time, it is really important to maintain respect in your relationship - even when times are tough. It's not fair for you to be his punching bag. Only you can decide for yourself what is reasonable for you to put up with and what is too much. Your Mom and Nana do make a good point. It's not easy to hear but definitely extremely important to consider.
Reply

Malixy
Hm. on Jun 13, 2012 @ 07:17 pm

He is sick right now. He is still learning to deal with his condition, and it sounds like no one is helping him all that much. Of course he wouldn't want to hear about how you don't get to dress up and go to fancy restaurants when he is losing money from not being able to work as much. If you can't be supportive and help him through this time, and I do mean YOU helping HIM, focusing on HIM and not yourself, until this has stabilized on his side and he has found stability, then you are probably just making things worse.

I know this is probably not what you were looking to hear, but this just seems pretty obvious to me. No one is in a good mood when they are sick. Especially if this is a new development and he hasn't found his "middle ground" yet. Of course he's stressed if he's having problems at work, with family, AND his gf. While your life may not have changed AS much as his, his has. Let him have some time to handle it properly before you try and push him into the things you used to do before this happened.

Therapy or counselling might be a good idea if you can afford it, but you should be the one person he can count on during all this, not one of the many people who keep piling on more problems.

I remember when I was really sick and my boyfriend just went about his days completely ignoring the fact that I was sick and still expecting everything to be the same. It was extremely upsetting that he was that inconsiderate. You are supposed to take care of each other when the other person needs it, so they will do the same for you in return, when you need it.
Reply

Katie87
Thank you all for answering on Jun 14, 2012 @ 01:39 am

Bubbles-I will see about that site you gave me thanks!
alidebold- I am considering everything and thinking things through
Malixy- If you read my letter, I am helping him by attending to everything his doctors, blood draws, emergency rooms, helping him eat and keeping a diary of everything, making accomadations to have a bathroom near by so he doesn't have far to go. I have considered counceling but he will not go. I am sorry if I sound mean but I am trying with every once I make sure his doctors are the days I can go with him, I leave early on class days to take him to get drawn, I think I have stuck around through thick and thin. Most girls would of left when they heard what he has.
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