this is a big deal for me


Anonymous
on Nov 12, 2008 @ 03:45 am

here's my story:

my boyfriend was told i had an intimate moment (that means slept together) with a guy i knew about three years ago. he was so angry he broke up with me and he was angry because i told him i didnt sleep with anyone besides my ex boyfriend. he was so stuck on believing that but i swore over my life i didnt.

truth is:
i did.but it lasted 3 seconds coz i freaked out.i felt so uncomfortable and i told him to stop. i didnt ever consider this sexual intercourse and all the years i have been denying it to myself that i did.

Now:
by boyfriend took me back after i said i didnt but deep down he knows i did. so lastnight he texts me and says he knows i did and cant believe i am lying all the time. he says if i cant tell him the truth then this relationship is over..

My question:
what do i do after swearing i am telling the truth? how do i exaplin to him that that was what really happened...SHOULD i tell him the truth. what if i tell him the truth and he leaves me because i lied. i am so confused and i have myself to blame for the mess i am in
 

14 Replies


Anonymous
please guys on Nov 12, 2008 @ 09:21 am

like any advice...im planning to go to him tonight to tell him the truth whether he believes it or not
Reply

mamaluv
And the best policy is..... on Nov 12, 2008 @ 09:24 am

(you already know the answer). The fact is honesty is the only solution here. We all have skeletons in our closets, and this is yours. You need to explain the situation to your boyfriend as you've explained it to us here. He might not get over it, or maybe he will but need time to forgive you. Either way, this will eat at you until you clear the air.

Continuing to lie is only going to make things worse. Consider the consequences if he found further proof of it! It's much better coming from you. You need to apologize for lying in the first place and for trying to cover it up since then. If he really loves you, he'll forgive you - even if it takes some time.

It sounds like he's prepared to walk anyway UNLESS you tell him the truth. So the cold hard fact is, you have nothing to lose except your pride. But by coming clean, it'll speak in your favor that you can face up to your past, and maybe that will save things in the end.

It sounds like you are truly regretting your decisions, and I really feel for you. Get the truth out in the open once and for all, because the way things are going right now, his suspicions will end things anyway.

I wish you courage and the best of luck as you deal with this!
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Anonymous
thanks so much on Nov 12, 2008 @ 09:28 am

i just need some encouragement. im hoping he will forgive me for lying repeatedly about it..its just that it makes me feel disguisted and just by talking about it brings tears to my eyes. so yes i am going to tell him what happened...my fear is that either way he will walk away..it will really tear me apart,but then again,me lying all this time is probably tearing him up too
Reply

mamaluv
Been there... on Nov 12, 2008 @ 09:39 am

I have had to confess dark secrets to people before, and it always rips your guts out to do it. In my case, I was forgiven and it was such a relief to have it all out in the open. This is not to say it wasn't awkward for a time until everything was back to normal, but it made all the difference.

I can totally sympathize with your stress and anxiety! Just stay strong and tell the whole truth. I made the mistake once of telling half the story, and then eventually was forced to spill everything - way wrong move! Should've said it all up front. It is so hard, but it really is the only answer.

Even if this ends things, know that it's for the best. If you are meant to be with this guy, it will work out eventually.

*hugs*
Reply

TigerLilly
Not too sure on Nov 12, 2008 @ 10:34 am

I'm not too sure if you should tell him the truth or not. I personally would just because I couldn't keep this to myself for that long knowing that I'm deceiving a person that I care about for that long.

As for what happens if you do tell him the truth? You'll just have to accept the consequences. You did something wrong that really hurt him and you magnified that by lying. All you can do is hope for the best and accept whatever happens. If he leaves you then you can't change his mind because you are the one that made that choice.
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Anonymous
bad experience on Nov 12, 2008 @ 10:55 am

i don't think i've mentioned what a bad experience it was for me...when i told the guy to stop,i got up and he literally threw my things at me. it was really hurtful and i felt cheap...although i should admit what i did was cheap. this is something I HAVE wanted to hide from my OWN memory...ive never told anyone about this,ever,not even my closest friend. and now that it came out this way,all i could do was lie

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Ali de Bold
Be honest on Nov 12, 2008 @ 10:57 am

If he really loves you, he will get over it. He will much more appreciate you being honest than continuing to lie. Besides, what's the big deal? You didn't cheat on him did you? Tell him exactly what you said here. You were embarrassed, you were in denial because you weren't sure if that really counted... etc.

Tell him you are sorry for lying and that you will be honest with him going forward. That is the best thing you can do. Good luck with it and let us know how it goes!
Reply

Anonymous
the verdict on Nov 13, 2008 @ 03:32 am

well we are broken up now...he says he cant trust me after i lied.he took me back and i kept that lie thinking i could get away with it.ive really messed up and im so hurt but i think this is what i've created. he just needs to understand why i didnt tell him in the first place

thanks ladies...all up to time now
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Anonymous
do you think... on Nov 13, 2008 @ 06:17 am

... that with time he might gain his trust in me again. he said he doesn't know if we could be friends right now either. i understand him though coz he is finding it hard to trust me.he said he doesnt even know if i have slept with other people (which i havnt) and even though i tell him the truth,he doesn't believe me. do you think time will help?
Reply

Ali de Bold
The situation on Nov 13, 2008 @ 10:04 am

I just want to make sure I understand the situation correctly. Before you and your boyfriend were together, you slept with 2 people. Your Ex and two seconds with that other guy. You later meet your boyfriend and as you start dating he asks you how many people you've slept with. You tell him one (your Ex), but he doesn't believe you and later finds out there was that other guy and that you have been lying. Now it's over because he says he can't trust you for lying about that 2nd guy?

Are you honest in all other aspects of your relationship? Any good relationship needs a foundation of trust and honesty but if this is the only thing you lied about, it seems shocking to me that he would end it over that.

Was he a virgin? It sounds like he is threatened by the idea of you having been with anyone else. As far as I'm concerned the only sexual history your partner really needs to know is if you have been exposed to STD's, have a child hiding away somewhere, and maybe just knowing that you didn't sleep with the whole football team would be helpful.

However, if you are both pro abstinence and "slipped up" a few times it gets stickier because you are both so worried about who the other has been with and that becomes a really big deal in the relationship. It's too bad, because that should be left in the past and really you shouldn't have to "confess" to your bf your list of sins..."Well, I've had sex with 2 guys, gave bj's to 3, kissed 10 and held hands with 20." A person should not get mad about something that happened before you were together.

Maybe I am way off base here.

The important thing is that you were honest now and he will need some time to cool off. If he really loves you and you had a good strong relationship he will come around. I'm assuming you explained why you lied? Give him some space and hopefully he will see that it's not the end of the world and you two can patch things up.
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