trying to blend a family... HELP


trutle6453
on Oct 19, 2012 @ 02:57 pm

I have a 14 yr old daughter and my boyfriend has a 7 yr old. We have an amazing relationship but im having a hard time with his daughter and his parenting. She is going through a hard time her mom just had another baby (her 2nd in a 3 yr span) and now she has to share her dad with me and my daughter. Both my boyfriend and his ex are having difficulties controlling her we all met to talk about ways to work on things we decided we would try a chart worked great for a week both parents dropped the ball. she has no manners, thinks shes an equal to us adults, has huge fits, is rude, and is threatened by me, i cant hold his hand when shes around without her coming between us prying them apart.. ive talked to him because i feel helpless and very frustrated his answer is for me to help discipline. ive tried saying stuff to her i get the death stare with the i dont have to listen to you your not family.... please help im so frustrated ive considered leaving
 


5 Replies


Bren
Hang in there on Oct 19, 2012 @ 04:55 pm

Wow!Good for you that you all can be adult and talk about it together....It sounds like all three of you agree that something has to be done....She is testing boundaries and feeling left out and jealous it sounds like....Dont leave!You said you two have an amazing relationship...It will take time but you need to show her you love her but wont let yourself be walked all over.. I'm sure things will get better.If not look into a child counselor who is professional and get talk to her...Good Luck!
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trutle6453
Thankyou on Oct 20, 2012 @ 10:29 am

thankyou for the advise. I think a professional would be a great ave for all of us to take.
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Anonymous
cant stand bratty kids on Oct 20, 2012 @ 11:32 pm

Oh god, I see these brats all the time at work, their own parents are afraid of them, it's ridiculous. You can't let children be raised like this, they will grow up thinking they can do what ever the hell they want because there have never been any consequences to their actions.

Honestly, if it were me, I would leave. I don't understand parents who have kids and then don't bother to raise them properly.

Right now, she's acting like this because she knows no one is going to do anything to her. You will say she's being bad, that she needs to behave. And so what? If he really wants you to help discipline her, do it right. You have to be very very strict. I can't imagine this working out well, especially with a new relationship, because I'm sure her father has a weak spot for her, so he would probably not be on board with disciplining her the way she needs to be. He dropped the ball on raising her properly because he's not good at being strict with her.

My dad was like that too, but I had a mom who wasn't afraid to put me in my place. Yes, she used to smack me when I did something wrong, and I would never dream of talking back to her because I knew I would suffer for it dearly.

And you know what, I grew up into a very well behaved, smart person. I have a great relationship with both of my parents. And looking back on how I was raised, I fully support how it was done, because it was necessary. Children will often try to push boundaries to see what they can get away with, and if you dont fully enforce your "no's", you're not doing them any favours. They will fail, EPICALLY, later on in life when they realize that they cant have anything just because they want it that way. They can't break up relationships, they cant yell and scream whenever they dont like something.

Please do not help to raise another spoiled, worthless brat. These kids do not become a useful part of society, and before they are fully grown, will manage to make a whole bunch of other people miserable with their ignorance.

Don't try to be her friend so she will like you. She already has too many people not being her parents.
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AlexJC
Keep at it, she'll come around! on Oct 23, 2012 @ 11:04 am

She is going through a tough time, I think that she probably is scared of losing her parents to other people or other children. It makes sense that she is acting out and while the behaviour isn't acceptable, I do think you need to be patient and understand that she is hurt. I think she's acting out for attention, she is jealous.

I think maybe Bren had a good idea in talking to a professional but I would try family therapy and get the entire family involved, even the ex. It's great that you worked together with your boyfriend's ex to create the chart. I think it shows that you all get along and are all there for her. I would try again and make sure you keep it up.

Good luck!
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Ali de Bold
Agree with Bren on Oct 26, 2012 @ 01:19 pm

I think it is so great you all are working together on this!

I don't think you should try to discipline her though. I know first hand how crazy it feels from her perspective to have new people come into your parent's lives who then try to parent you. That is very difficult for a kid to process.

It's really important that the biological parents spend quality one on one time with her and that they are the ones to enforce the rules.
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