turning in a abuser

on Jan 27, 2009 @ 12:01 am

is there any explaination someone can give me why i can't seem to force myself to turn in a man who is physically and mentally abusing me? What stops me?

5 Replies

i wish i knew on Jan 27, 2009 @ 02:09 am

guilt, uncertainity... 'what will people think'? 'but he's not always like that' .... 'but what will happen to him if i do' .... 'what will happen to me / my kids / my family if i do' ....

you already know that you need to get yourself out of an abusive relationship, i don't need to tell you that. but its one thing to know it in your head, and another to act on it.

the hardest part of leaving an abuser, is the actual leaving part. once you leave and you're gone, albeit in the begining its hard to be alone and adjust to a new life .. however slowly everything falls back into place and the world starts making sense again.

i'm clearly not making any sense here though.... i do understand where you're coming from and i wish you the best and pray that you find your way out of the abusive relationship (whichever kind of relationship this may be).

common issue on Jan 27, 2009 @ 08:08 am

Apparently it is quite common that women have problems turning in their abusers. Whether she is so emotionally run down that she feels she deserves the abuse or if she imagines herself so in love with him (and I've heard that some women view any attention, even negative, as a warped form of affection) that she just can't bring herself to do it.

"He'll change", or "it's not his fault, it's the alcohol / stress at work / his health" - the excuses abound. Breaking out of this cycle is hard and often requires counseling. You should speak to a professional to not only get your mental space sorted out but also to provide for your safety once you do leave him. If you need to seek safety at a shelter, do your homework in advance so you have somewhere to go immediately. Camping out at a friend's house puts him/her in danger as well; you are better off to go somewhere secret.

Take care of yourself! I can't imagine how hard this must be :(

misplaced loyalty on Jan 27, 2009 @ 09:53 am

...and thinking you possibly deserve it. I have been there and I didn't turn him in though my neighbors nearly did since they often heard him losing it on me. That was years ago and looking back I wish I would have. Who knows who is suffering at his hands now and had I spoken up I may have been able to stop it. Make a secret escape plan, tell one trusted friend who can help you, then go straight to the police then to your safe place where he can't find you.

i've also been there on Jan 27, 2009 @ 11:27 am

i remember the overwhelming drowning feeling of fear... actually when i think about it i can still feel it. i secretly slowly slowly took my good clothes and stashed them away, and one at a time took my own assets (my own jewlery, cash... don't get me wrong i didn't touch anything that didn't belong only to me) and stashed them away.

I would wait until he'd fall asleep and go to my suitcase in the pretext of 'getting something' and i'd take one thing out and put it in my hand bag. i could never take the chance of taking too much at once or even making too much noise or even 'getting something' every night for fear of rousing his suspicions... and i say suitcase becuz all my stuff was in my suitcase i didn't get drawers to put any of my stuff in..

i realize how hard this is but you really need to just get yourself out. reach out to the police, i really don't know if they're any help in these situations but its worth a try.


uggggg on Jan 27, 2009 @ 10:58 pm

i am reading and taking it all in. i see there are people out there who get me. thank god, i thought maybe i deserved this for being the only one who couldn't stand up for myself. haven't bugde yet, for the reasons spelled out but i feel if you made it i can too. you don't know how thankful i am!

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