Up in arms

on May 29, 2012 @ 10:48 am

I am 30 and a lab tech, he is 30 and has been active army for 9 years. I am now 13 weeks
pregnant. When I first told him, he was super excited, he was even picking out names. But
here recently, after talking with his sister, whom I have only talked to a few times, because
she lives far away,..... now, he is freaking out, doesnt know where he stands, if he even wants
to be apart of the baby's life, he wants a paternity test. What the ***? What have I done to
deserve to be treated like this. He doesnt call me, text me, he is avoiding me. I am ready
to just pack up and move away, and tell him to forget I ever existed. I am angry, depressed,
deeply hurt, and humiliated. We are getting together to talk tomarrow. What do I say to
someone that I loved, respected, and trusted, who has let me down, and hurt me in every
way he could? Please help!

9 Replies

What about him? on May 29, 2012 @ 10:55 am

It sounds like all the information you are getting is from his sister, not him. Has he said anything to you along these lines? You said he hasn't been contacting you but this could be for a number of reasons. This could just be a case of miscommunication or maybe his sister has ulterior motives, you can't be sure of what he is thinking unless he says it. Don't get upset just yet, see him and be sure that this information is correct first.

There has to be a reason for his sudden change. I think you are right to go talk to him, you need to see what he has to say. I really feel for you though and hope that everything works out. Remember that you always need to do what's best for you though, no matter what!


up in arms on May 29, 2012 @ 11:13 am

Well, actually this came from him the other day. Then he stopped talking to me. This all began when his sister came into town.

First take a deep breath!! on May 29, 2012 @ 11:18 am

You haven't said how long the two of you have bin
together, so that maybe one reason why he's acting this way after
talking to his sister. If its only bin a short time, she most likely
told him to have a test done for his own protection because she loves
her brother and doesn't know you. How ever if you have been together for
some time now, I'd be pretty ticked off to. He sounds to me like his
sister told him a few stories that scared him to death. I'm sure we've
all seen case's where the guy was told he was the father and turned out
not to be. Even if the guy was with the woman for a few years, this
would up set anyone. An unplanned pregnancy is scary for both parties
involved no matter your age. I'd tell you to try and relax as best you
can, take a deep breath. Then have him sit down and sit next to him.
Tell him I want to tell you how I feel and how your actions lately have
made me feel with out you interrupting me. Then tell him everything you
have on your mind with out screaming at him, just talk in your normal
voice showing him that you can handle this like an adult and a teenager.
Once you have said your peace ask him to be just as honest with you as
you have bin with him. Sit there and listen to him with out interrupting
him and then go from there. You have to keep in mind that now that you
are pregnant your hormones are running wild on you, so this may be hard
to do, but I'm sure if you really try you can get through it. You'll get
the real truth and honest answers out of him this way. If you start
fighting with him he's just going to walk out and this will go on even
longer for you witch isn't good for you, or the baby and you won't get
any where if he walks out. Most of all always keep the baby in mind when
you get up set. I sure hope after having your talk you can work things
out and work them out so every thing will work out for the best for all
of you, not just one of you. If he still wants a test done, take it, its
him that will not only look like a fool, he'll feel even worse. If he
doesn't want to keep the baby, but you do, get everything you can in
writing so you can be sure he take's care of his child financially and
for the babies health coverage if he has it. Witch I would think he
would have through the military. The last thing you want to do is have
the baby and then have to track him down for all of this. Good luck, big
hugs to ya.

Agreed! on May 29, 2012 @ 11:31 am

I totally agree with Takoda- it sounds like he's scared and maybe someone has been telling him things or putting ideas in his head. Talk to him, see what he has to say and straighten things out. Hopefully it works out!! Good luck!

Talk it out on May 29, 2012 @ 11:42 am

I have two son's and went through something like this with my oldest
last summer. He's only 18, but I told him pretty much the same thing.
Thank God she was just handing him a line because he was leaving her,
but like I said these things happen to guy's all the time and if his
sister is yapping in his ear she probably just scared him. Talking it
out is the only way to settle this.


Thanx on May 29, 2012 @ 11:43 am

Thank you guys for your advice. I will be talking to him, and I will let everyone know how it turned out. However, if he doesnt want anything to do with the baby, then he shall have it that way, I dont want any money or health insurance from him. I will do it alone. I have a good job and health insurance. I dont need him, I want him. I guess I will see if it was meant to be.
Thanx again!

wow on May 29, 2012 @ 11:55 am

This sounds like such a stressful situation, and I really feel for you! I agree with what others have said that there could be all sorts of things going on here. Do try to have an emotion-free conversation so that you guys can get down to the truth of the matter. There are probably many assumptions being made that are muddying the water.

And if it turns out that he is just looking for an "out", well then it's best you found out sooner rather than later. For the sake of your child though, I do hope he cowboys up and gets over himself. There are too many deadbeat parents (dads and moms) out there who are too selfish to realize there is a perfect, blank-slate child at the center of all of this. With love and support, that child will grow up to be healthy and balanced. With drama and idiocy in his life, Junior will have baggage to deal with.

It takes two to make a baby! Too many people forget that and it makes me so mad.

I agree! on May 29, 2012 @ 12:15 pm

I agree mamaluv, too many people forget that it takes two! I wasnt the only one in the relationship. Its so easy for men to walk away, or to hit the whole I want a paternity test line.
I wish we could say that to them. It is such a degrading remark. He knows me better than that, and I have never given him a reason to doubt my faithfulness. I will be having a rational
conversation with him. I will be letting him know just how much he has hurt me. As I had said,
I had the utmost respect and admiration for him, he has really disappointed me. I never thought he could be so cruel.

Good Luck on May 29, 2012 @ 04:39 pm

It sure does take two and he may just be super nervous wait to see how your talk goes and hopefully his sister doesn't get to involved it is between you and him no one else!I feel for you as well I sure hope he owns up to it and is there to support you.All the advise everyone here has given you is spot on there is not much else I could add.I hope your talk is comforting and helpful and he makes the right decision because having a baby is the most beautiful thing in the world and I hope you both get to enjoy it...Congratulations by the way!

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