Wandering eyes

on Nov 08, 2008 @ 09:02 pm

So my guy has a problem of checking out other women in front of me, and he's not subtle about it.  I know it's normal for men to check out other women, but it really irritates me when he checks out other women in front of me.  When he does, I get irritated and confront him about it, saying it's disrespectful and such.  I don't want to be the jealous type but at the same time I feel like I should say something when his eyeballs are glued to another women's DD breasts.  Ladies, what would you do if your man behaved like this?

8 Replies

i know the question began with LADIES and you could care less what I have to say on Nov 08, 2008 @ 09:32 pm

but I personally don't think you're being overreactive and unjustifiably upset. It probably pops the idea into your head, the one to the tune of "Am I just not good enough?" The problem is two-fold. If you're overly conscious of all of this stuff, his behavior and such, and get upset about it, then all of a sudden there's "something wrong with you." The other side of it is the sometimes-concern that "If I just completely ignore everything, he's going to recklessly abuse my non-jealousy and hurt me - and I will be oblivious to this until it really hits hard." I don't think you're out of line at all to be disturbed by your guy gawking at other girls. I mean really, how many of us are THAT secure to where that stuff would NEVER bother you. I can't really give you some kind of golden phrase to say to the guy to fix the problem because I'm personally a stranger to that phenomenon. If I'm with you, I'm with you and I'll let you in on the secret. I'm with YOU for a reason, and that reason is good enough to give you the respect and dignity of not staring at other chicks all day. You don't have to chalk this up to that bullshit "it's their NATURE - they HAVE to stare." This may or may not be news but that shit's a copout. You don't have to put stock into that. The girls will surely offer you sterling advice (that you requested, not this guy crap you didn't request) that I don't have, but my big point of this message is that the "it's their NATURE" gag is an excuse and don't beat yourself up in a situation in which you committed no wrong.

Ali de Bold
It's BS on Nov 10, 2008 @ 09:42 am

Not all men are like that and the ones who are need to grow up. I agree with Steve that the "It's in their nature" argument is BS.

We had an acquaintance who would do that all the time, cranking his neck around to get a better view, staring at your chest instead of your face when talking, etc - and all of this in front of his wife. We were out for drinks with them one night and he did that the whole time. He did it to me too, in front of my husband and with his wife sitting there beside him. We didn't get together with them again.

What does a guy like that have to offer you?

This guy's wife acted like she was fine with it and even made comments (he can look as long as he doesn't touch...). It just seemed like a sad situation and made that guy look so immature.

He may have no intentions beyond looking, but this behavior is degrading to you and to your relationship. Tell him he can either continue on in his fantasy world without you and stare to his heart's content, or he can have the real thing and focus his energies on building a stronger relationship with you.

hear hear! on Nov 10, 2008 @ 10:07 am

Steve's right. Your man should be with you because of you... and that needs to be enough. It is in all of our nature to notice a good looking person that crosses our field of vision, but then respect and good manners remind us to not stare. Admit it: you can't help seeing the hottie across the restaurant, and neither can your sweetie. It's the second, lingering glance that is the real problem. If your guy is staring you need to address this with him; if not, you can probably let it go.

Ask him how he'd feel if the you did the same. Explain that it's one thing to appreciate beauty, but entirely another to ogle it. If you've told him repeatedly that it hurts you and he refuses to quit, it might be time to walk. Either he wants to be with you or he doesn't. He needs to pick, and you need to be prepared to follow through with the consequence - whether that is staying together or splitting up.

mamaluv... on Nov 11, 2008 @ 01:47 pm

you stole the words right out of my mouth:)

i personally look at good-looking guys and its just in our nature.my boyfriend will look at a girl and say she is beautiful and if she is i will agree,why get angry?i do the same if i see a 'pretty boy':) obviously your case is different.when the time is right,bring it up and tell him how it makes you feel.

personally....do not get upset anymore...let it slide and eventually bring it up


Yep. on Nov 11, 2008 @ 08:22 pm

Thanks Ladies! And steve too!....the advice made me feel alot better about my opinion on this.
I had quite the chat with him the other day.  I was really calm, and i didn't feel angry out the whole thing....I told him straight up what behaviour I wasn't going to accept (this issue and among other things too) and if he didn't respect or agree with what I had to say, then he would be better off single because I wasn't going tolerate any more this BS. For the first time, I felt comfortable with him leaving. He started talking about he really felt about the relationship and his excuse that maybe he wasn't happy in this relationship...going on about stuff and blablabla...and then he started talking about things he could do to make our relationship better, and what he did is indeed disrespectful to me and the relationship. So thanks ladies (and steve)!  

Ali de Bold
that's great! on Nov 12, 2008 @ 11:03 am

So glad you had a good talk and came to an understanding. I hope things are much better for the two of you going forward :)

I'm late on Dec 08, 2008 @ 01:18 pm

I was just reading over this and had to add my opinion. How did it work out? Is he better now? This kidn of thing really frustrates me because so many people act like it's not a big deal when really it is a symptom that you don't ahve his full attention or he has a problem.

worked alright - for now on Dec 10, 2008 @ 10:01 am

It actually worked out well.  And I do believe it is a symptom of not having his full attention or there's some other problem going on.  He had his relationship issues and we worked them out. He's a lot better behaved now - he knows I won't put up with that nonsense and that its not right to be staring at other women in front of me.  
I used to be really casual about it before (but annoyed privately) and I didn't really say too much about it. There are people who think you're the "jealous" type if you get upset at your boyfriend for checking out other women - really I don't think it's about jealousy, but respect when he's with you.   

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