Wedding party

on Jun 22, 2009 @ 01:32 pm

Would you have a friend in your wedding party who is a good friend but against marriage because theirs did not work out?

7 Replies

Ali de Bold
People standing up for you on Jun 22, 2009 @ 02:40 pm

I wouldn't want anyone in my wedding party that did not support the marriage.

Your bridal party should be those people in your life who want to stand behind you as a couple and support you both in this big step. If she is too jaded to be able to support you I'd consider someone else, however if she's just bummed that her marriage didn't work out but is totally supportive of the two of you, there's no reason not to include her.

agree... on Jun 22, 2009 @ 08:45 pm

It's one thing to be negative on the institution of marriage; quite another to be unsupportive of your marriage. In my opinion, the first is not an issue but the second is a deal-breaker.

Ask on Jun 22, 2009 @ 10:49 pm

If she is happy for you and your wedding, and she is a good friend, it doesn't hurt to ask. Let her know it's ok if she doesn't want to be in the party, but make her feel welcome if she wants to be part of your day.

Traditionally, only unmarried girls could be part of a wedding, although these days no one follows those rules. Even though she isn't married anymore, you could choose to only have unwed ladies in your party if you want an excuse for excluding her. But it sounds to me like you would like to have her included...

Hmm... on Jun 23, 2009 @ 07:57 am

I think that those in your wedding party should be those that support your marriage. I don't think it really matters whether that person is a big fan of marriage per se but I do think that you should have those people closest to you that support you to stand up for you at your wedding....

well said on Jun 23, 2009 @ 11:03 am

I think mizzrobin and nessie both made excellent points. I have a friend who doesn't want kids at all but she loves my kid and her other best friend's kid. She's all about being an Auntie to them but at the end of the day, she wants to give them back. I think it's the same for marriage. Your friend might be mature enough to know that just b/c marriage isn't right for her, it doesn't mean it's not right for you.

As nessie said, you can always ask. It doesn't hurt to ask and give her the choice. This way, she'll know that you value her friendship enough that you want her to be part of your special day. But you also respect her feelings enough to give her to chance to say no if she's not comfortable doing it.

my humble two cents.... on Jun 23, 2009 @ 08:02 pm

Now i don't know the woman in question, and I'm going to be very biased in what I'm about to write, so I apologize in advance....

We become jaded when life continuously gives us pains and blows we don't expect, so much so that to protect ourselves against feeling pain, we cover our vulnerability with cynicism.

Have you heard the story of 'grapes are sour' ? I hate to admit this, but its just like that. I used to love to say that I don't believe in marriage, which I've now rephrased to 'marriage is for some people, but not for me' (because some of my very close friends have recently gotten married, and I had to rephrase or risk insulting them). Regardless of how I said it, I know that deep down I say marriage is a load of crap because grapes are sour. It's easier to say I don't believe in marriage, rather than admit that I had so many daydreams and expectations and hopes and happiness pegged on a relationship and marriage, that reality had me crash landing and left me reeling.... its not that I don't believe in love, its that, because of what I received back when I gave love, I don't believe love to live up to all I expect it to be. << see that's actually quite hard to admit (i absolutely adore being part of this forum btw.... I can express myself here in a way I can't in "real life"!!).

So perhaps your friend is just hurting, and to cover her pain she's lying to the world (and perhaps herself) and saying she doesn't believe in relationships / marriage.

I agree with what others say - give her the chance to choose whether, regardless of her personal feelings on marriage - she's willing to be there for you and support you on your big day. If you feel she won't be supportive of your wedding, just be honest with her and let her know. I think being honest with her is the best bet in this case.

I respectfully have to say I don't agree with Nessie's idea about not including her because only unwed girls can be part of the wedding....tradition or not, it might be rubbing salt on her wound, and I'm sure as her friend you don't want to do that. She already went through a bad marriage, she really doesn't need to be left out because she's a "divorcee" (like some cultures that don't invite divorcees or widows to any happy functions like engagements or weddings because they're considered bad luck).


well...duh on Jun 30, 2009 @ 01:19 pm

that depends...are they against your marriage? or marriage in general?
Think Samantha from Sex and The City, she is against marriage, but she wouldnt wish bad things upon her girls. So yeah, if your friends is like Sam, then have her in the wedding party!

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