What should you do if you don't like the BF's friends?

on Jan 23, 2013 @ 11:45 am

Hey chicks! I've been wondering about this lately and I want to get your opinions.

Say you're seeing someone and you finally meet their friends and as it turns out, you hate them, all of them. Does it matter that much? Is it a deal breaker? Would you stop seeing someone because of it? 

Also- is it different for a boyfriend vs. someone you're just dating?

When I first thought about it, I thought nahhh, I wouldn't you're not dating the friends you're dating the person but then again, you might be spending a lot of time with their friends and if the friends are an important part of someones life, shouldn't you like them?

What do you think? 

5 Replies

masks on Jan 23, 2013 @ 11:59 am

We all have masks on, especially during the dating phase. You only see me as I allow you to see me, type of thing. You know how when you date someone they're showing their best side to you as you are to them? You try to look for 'warning signals' but it's hard to look out for those because the guy is on his best behaviour, reading you like a book and trying to be the man you want him to be?

So his friends might be one of those warning signals he can't hide or control. If he hangs out with gang bangers (ok I know I'm going for an extreme here), or druggies, then chances are he is one of them. I wouldn't say that bad friends is a deal breaker for me, but it's definitely a warning signal. It's one of those things that I would keep in my mind and I would try to look out for qualities in him that mimic those I saw in his friends. "Birds of the feather...etc", right?

Ali de Bold
If you don't like their friends it's not the best sign on Jan 23, 2013 @ 12:03 pm

I think you probably need to meet them a few times to determine if you like them or not because not everyone is great with first impressions. Or they may have a sense of humour that takes a while to get. In some cases it's friends that person has had since childhood, which can mean that they are now very different but still friends because of their history together.

But if it's none of those things and they just aren't a great bunch I'd be a bit worried. Your friends are a reflection of you. If all of his friends reflect badly I'd wonder what he is really like.

I'd just give it a bit more time to see. You'd never want to make a person stop being friends with people to be with you. If that is the case it's probably not the best fit.

Don't hate. on Jan 23, 2013 @ 01:14 pm

I'd ask myself why I hate them, and whether I really hate them. If it's not something that seems like a legitimate red flag (your personalities just don't mesh, you have nothing in common, you/they dislike the time away from your bf), I would just spend time with my bf exclusively, and let him enjoy his time with his friends alone. After all, if you don't get along and don't want to, why dredge through a ton of uncomfortable visits? Especially since it's just not fair to ask your beau to stop seeing certain people just because you don't like them.

If you can't avoid seeing the friends, the best thing would probably be to just suck it up and try to see their good qualities. Kill them with kindness and some understanding and eventually they might become your friends!

Depends on Jan 23, 2013 @ 10:59 pm

I think it depends on why you dislike the friends. I whole heartedly believe the phrase "birds of a feather flock together" so I would personally take a closer look (if that's the case) at why he is friends with them. Also, I think if your dating long enough to actually meet his friends then its the same as a relationship. If on our second date his friend runs into us and I meet him/them I wouldn't particularly care as much if I liked them.

Hmm, depends... on Jan 31, 2013 @ 02:20 pm

I agree with everyone else, i'd see why I hated them. With my old boyfriend I didn't like the majority of his friends at first, but later I learned to love them and they're still my friends despite me and my boyfriend not being together anymore. I found that I didn't like them at first because they were really obnoxious and annoyed me, and I didn't understand why my bf was friends with them....but as I got to know them they changed, and I realized they were so obnoxious when I first met them is because ultimately they were just trying to watch out for their friend. I was "the enemy girlfriend" and they didn't want to a) lose their friends or b) see him get hurt. I feel girlfriends' friends are the worst for this (I have some friends who can be VERY nosy and rude to guys I bring by because they're testing him!), so give the guys a break.

However if they're just kind of....losers, that's a different story. It can be a reflection on your bf that maybe he doesn't run with the best crowd, but hey, people change. I have some lifelong friends (since kindergarten) who have made some bad decisions, and although they're good friends of mine I wouldn't want anyone judging me based on their lifestyle!

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