What would you do if....

on Oct 28, 2007 @ 05:56 pm

Someone you have been friends with forever suddenly stops speaking to you for no reason other than they do not like someone you're friends with? And you try to fix things with this person but they essentially just laugh at you and make into a big joke?
Would you try to maintain the friendship, or just let it go?

10 Replies

Scents Of Peace
Define "forever" on Oct 28, 2007 @ 06:21 pm

. . . and when they laughed it off, was it in a way that perhaps they were trying to dismiss the entire event ? As in - embarrassed by their own behavior ? What about your friendship with the other person ? What was their objection ???

You need to give a few more details . . .

It is possible that they were simple bitten by the Jealousy Bug . . . or maybe this is an obvious trend. I'd analyze your friendship to see if there is a pattern of toxic relationships.

If this is an isolated case - mend fences. If your "friend" regularly undermines your worth in one form or another - move on.

Sometimes the hardest thing we come to terms with is the loss of a friendship. Friends come into our lives for a reason or a season, rarely for a lifetime.

I hope things work out for a healthy relationship ;-)

anonymous #1 again on Oct 28, 2007 @ 07:42 pm

Sorry, I guess I should have been specific - I kind of wrote this on the spur of the moment without thinking about it much
When I say 'forever,' I mean more than 20 years.
Their objection to my friendship with the person was that they did not think this person was a very good friend, but did not give any reasons why.
And when I say they laughed it off, I mean that they literally laughed at me and said they had been waiting for me to 'break down' and get in touch with them - as though our 20 plus years of friendship was so insignificant that they could not be bothered to get in touch with me themselves (at least that's how I took it)
This has just really been bothering me a lot lately, because they used to be one of my best friends and now we aren't even speaking over something so petty and stupid.

Something's up on Oct 29, 2007 @ 02:24 pm

Just because someone's been in your life for a long time doesn't mean they are necessarily good for you. You need to decide, does this person know me better than anyone in the world, and are they telling me what's best (whether I want to hear it or not)? Or is this someone who is behaving badly, leading me to finally recognize that although we share a history, we're no longer friends?

I've had long friendships that have waxed and waned depending on where we each were in our lives, and I think that's normal. But if someone was playing games, constantly questioning my judgement or making me feel uncomfortable, I'd call them on it or cut them loose.

Ali de Bold
Good advice on Oct 29, 2007 @ 03:44 pm

I totally agree with Bee123

Feisty Redhead
Agreed on Oct 29, 2007 @ 06:41 pm

Bee123 took the words right out of my mouth. It can be really hard to let go of a friendship that's been there "forever" but sometimes it really is for the best, and after moving on from it you'll find that you feel lighter and better without that negativity in your life. I've been there so I know how tough a situation it is to go through.

time is the ruler on Oct 30, 2007 @ 12:04 pm

Hi anonymous. Sorry to hear of your troubles. Its never fun to see a friendship suffer, or even fail. But time is the ultimate keeper of your "friends list." I have a situation that is similar, but different.

A few years ago a good friend of mine from HS announced she was getting married. Though we went to HS together in OH, she had since moved to CO and the wedding would be there. In HS we were wonderful pals and visited w/ each other every summer all through college. I definitely wanted to celebrate her wedding w/ her. However, traveling to CO would be expensive and I wanted to spend that money knowing I'd actually get to spend some time w/ her, not a quick 3 words as she visits w/ all of her guests at her extravagant fairy tale wedding. So I suggested I come out to visit after her wedding, for a weekend, and we could really visit and catch up. She was very put out that I wasn't considering coming to her wedding and didn't think my idea for a post-wedding visit could make up for that.

I didn't go to her wedding and suggested arrangements and plans for a post-wedding visit went unanswered. In fact, all communication attempts have been ignored. So, that friendship is over. She wrote me off, after ~10 years of friendship, just b/c I did not attend her wedding. So, point is, no matter how strong a friendship may seem, or how rooted it is in time, you never can tell what may stop that relationship in its tracks.

Scents Of Peace
Childhood or Childish ??? on Nov 01, 2007 @ 12:03 am

It may be wise to reflect on your "adult" friendship if this is a childhood friend. From experience (and I am nearing 41 yrs with only a few true friends), friendships evolve as you mature.

Although you may have been friends for over twenty years . . . how many of those years were with "training wheels" still on ? As we mature, our values and perspectives change. Often times we outgrow a relationship because we grow as a person. This is normal and expected throughout our life.

Anyone who undermines your worth is not a friend or friendship by definition ! I agree with the comments above . . . something's up and it may be time to let go.

It may be petty and it may be stupid, but it is important. Would you put up with this from a man ??? Just a thought . . .

Maybe you don't know the whole story? on Nov 03, 2007 @ 12:18 pm

I can't really say that I know for sure, but sometimes I think that we are quick to judge without first knowing the whole story.

First of all, you said that the person's excuse was that they thought that a friend wasn't good for you but didn't give any reason why. Are you sure?

Think about when the person first stopped speaking to you. What was that like? You how how you felt. How do you think that they were feeling at the time? Chances are (I am speculating here) if you have been friends for that long, they were probably hurt about something as well.

I always try to think about how the other person is feeling before I judge or jump to conclusions.

Quite possibly, maybe you didn't make such the effort to get in touch with them?

These are just my thoughts on the situation.


artist on Nov 04, 2007 @ 11:34 am

artist, I admit that I probably could have made more of an effort to get in touch, but was a bit scared off/annoyed at how they did not seem to take the situation seriously.
I do feel like there is probably more going on with my friend than they were letting on, because I don't see why you should stop being friends with someone just because you don't like someone they are friends with.

chiming in... on Nov 05, 2007 @ 09:51 am

This may be going a little off-topic, but I love Scents advice to compare your tolerance with a certain situation to how you'd react if it was a man. Of course, in the case of long-time friendships (as in long-time romantic relationships), you have to take the valleys with the peaks and it may be worth it in the end to weather the storm. You need to evaluate if this is (a) worth fighting for, and (b) a deal-breaker. I wouldn't just walk away from something with so much history without thinking hard about it - you'd have regrets otherwise. Be strong with either decision and once things are settled, try not to look back.

Hope this note finds you feeling a little better!

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