When to ask about children?


hunter_jc
on Jul 09, 2008 @ 09:25 pm

I am curious about something. When do you gals think the bf or potential bf to ask if the girl wants children? Of course assuming that the guy wants children.
 


4 Replies


mamaluv
Being fair to both on Jul 10, 2008 @ 01:34 pm

This is not a question you want to ask in the earliest stages and in the vast majority of cases before you even begin dating. It adds an element of seriousness that might tip the scales against the asker before there's a chance to really see if a longer term relationship could develop.

At the same time, this is not something you should wait years to discuss. If you/her really do want a family someday, you wouldn't want to invest your whole heart in a person who would deny you this dream.

I think the best time for such a discussion is in the early part of the middle stage, once you are very familiar with each other and are starting to determine if you are really meant to be together. Such a serious topic will no longer be a turnoff, and at that point you do have the right to bring it up.

I hate to give a number, but I'm going to say that if you've been together 3-4 months, things are going really well, and you're somewhat serious, you can safely mention the topic. Certainly relationships can develop more quickly than this, but I'm generalizing here. Also, once you've become sexually involved, it's probably a prudent discussion to have while you're figuring out the whole birth control question (what, who, how, etc).
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hunter_jc
Birth Control?? on Jul 10, 2008 @ 10:09 pm

That is one thing i need lesson on. Just kidding. I need lessons on many more things.
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StephB
I think it also depends on age... on Jul 14, 2008 @ 04:28 pm

I think it also depends on what point in your life you're at. My boyfriend and I started dating at 18 so it wasn't until the last year that we actually discussed kids, marriage, life... all the serious items! BUT, we did discuss the fact that eventually we both wanted kids and marriage and all that about a year into the relationship when we knew we were serious and wanting to make sure we were on the same page.

I agree with mamaluv that you really have to weight out your personal situation, I think you know when the time is right to bring it up. I think early on you can throw out a feeler.. like .. "I think eventually I'd like to have 2 kids.." but not open discussion on it, just sort of throw it out there see where it goes.

That's just my opinion!
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mamaluv
what she said... on Jul 15, 2008 @ 11:30 am

Steph is right. A low-key feeler is a great way to go. Just dipping your toe in the pool to check the temperature, but without the commitment of getting into a huge discussion.
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