Where to find singles?


hunter_jc
on Jan 22, 2008 @ 07:15 am

I find it hard to find single girls where I can build up a courage to talk to them and not freak them out. I must confessed that I even tried salsa lessons to meet girls. Well now i am more into the salsa than to meet the girls there.
I also tried plentyoffish.com. I can't seem to find the one.
As that magic number is incrementing every year. I am just afraid to die a lonely old man, like al pacino in Godfather III.
So I am curious, where do you gals try to meet guys and what kind of guys freak you out or impress you?
I guess shy boy will never get it.
 


3 Replies


mamaluv
mutual friends on Jan 22, 2008 @ 09:11 am

While I was in the dating scene, I shied away from strange men. I think a lot of girls would prefer if potential dates came with a recommendation - like a friend of a friend. Two reasons:

1. There's less chance you're unknowingly dating a complete psycho
2. You can start seeing each other in less intimidating circumstances, such as hanging out as a group or double dating with the mutual friend(s).

Once that's out of the way, here are some things that impressed me:
-show genuine interest in the girl's life, career, goals, etc. If you have a second or third date, try to remember such details and remark on them (e.g. "Hey, how did that meeting go with your new marketing director?")
-demonstrate your well-roundedness. I love a guy who's smart and appreciates cultural things - art, music, etc. You don't have to be really fruity, but at least know who Andrew Lloyd Webber is.
-don't monopolize the conversation, but don't make her do all the talking either. If necessary, prepare for your date by reading up a little on current events (sounds dorky I know, but I personally like to discuss such things).
-dress nicely (if necessary get pointers from a female) and 1 spritz of cologne is plenty.
-try to make her laugh - HUGE!
-for your first date, think outside the box. It doesn't need to be a hot air balloon ride with champagne (in fact, that's trying too hard!), but make it memorable and show off your creative side. Think of it like this - at your wedding rehearsal dinner, you'll want a good story.
-don't lay it all out too early. Don't declare your love or desire to get married/have children for at least the first 10 dates or so. Even if you feel it, you might freak her out. This is really generalized though, and I'm sure there are girls that want to hear this stuff, just not me.
-If you do kiss her on the first date, make it sweet and brief. Necking for an hour on the first date is tacky. By all means, if the second date goes well, go for broke!

I think it's great that you tried salsa. Were I still on the market, you would have gotten huge points from me. Cooking classes are good, too. I hated meeting guys at the gym - bunch of pumped up arrogant SOBs for the most part.

Do you have a sister, cousin or good female friend? Tell them you'd like to meet someone. I set up 2 friends and they are now married with 2 kids. Many girls actually enjoy doing this. Make sure it's someone who cares about you and will make sure that any match she suggests is worth pursuing.

I could go on and on and on here, but I think I'll let some of the other smart ladies on the site get a word in :)

Good luck, hunter!
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Ali de Bold
Be genuine on Jan 22, 2008 @ 12:13 pm

I think Mamaluv made some great points. One thing I think that is consistent with all women is they appreciate a genuine person. Pickup lines will never work and trying to make yourself look cool or excessive bragging are big no no's.

Just be yourself as cliche as that sounds and get to know her as a person. Yes, it is nice to get an introduction from friends but if you see someone you'd like to get to know, be it in the grocery store at salsa lessons or wherever, strike up a genuine conversation with her that is not about her looks. Talk about the produce at the grocery store or the music at your salsa lessons. Start with something really simple and don't try too hard. If you can make a joke of it, that's ideal but if you are not naturally funny then don't do this. If you walk up to her and tell her she is beautiful it makes everything awkward right away and she will be bracing herself for a lame pickup line.

Good places to meet "The One":

Church ~ but only go if you are genuine about your faith, not as a way to meet women

In a class ~ borrow her notes, get her to help you figure out that last move you keep screwing up

At a cafe/in a book store ~ you have to have a really good personality for this not to come off as weird. Is she reading a book you've been curious about? etc.

Just find a way to strike up innocent conversation wherever you are without making her feel pressured. Don't come on too strong, know your value. The more you are confident about yourself and who you are, the more natural you will be.

Good luck!
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hunter_jc
Levels of getting a relationsihp on Jan 22, 2008 @ 12:55 pm

Yeah i heard about some psycho dates. Good that the dates that i went on an't that bad.

I wish i have friends that can help me get a girl. But all my friends are singles and they are guys. So we are all in the same boat.

It is weird to talk about relationships in my family, so asking my sister to introduce me to someone is out of the question. She wont want to get into trouble. Let's say i am from a traditional family.

I guess i have to try church some day. I actually met my first girlfriend when we carpooled in the same car. I added her on my icq before but she never talked to me. But after i told her that we carpooled together, we started talking. Anyway it was good while the relationship lasted.


I think there are a few levels of getting a date with someone.

1. Meet someone out of the blue. (bookstore, cafe)
2. Meet someone at social gatherings. (church, classes)
3. Online dating.
4. Dating services/ Parents introduction.

The problems with the above levels are.
1. Unless you are 100% confident of yourself and knowing who to hit on, forget about it. It is like 1 in a 1000 shots. And you have to have the courage to hit on 1000 girls.

2. It is hard to know if they are interested in dating. Any girls would be so friendly. And personally, when i like someone, I would like completely freeze up when i talk to her.

3. Take 1 in a 100 shot, that you might get the ONE. Problem is to get 100 girls to go out with you.

4. I hope that i don't have to go here...

I think if the worst comes to the worst, my parents would hook me up with someone when i am in my late thirties hahaha.

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