Which way do I turn?

on Oct 29, 2009 @ 01:18 am

I'm having a friends with benefit relationship with my ex boyfriend. He still talk to his ex girlfriend but they dont mess around (so he says). I do believe him but somethings just dont aadd up from time to time. Well she came into town for a week long visit and this made me upset because during that time she stays with him. Now here is the problem that I'm having i tried reaching out to her to see if she wanted to have lunch while in town she declined and got upset that I contacted her since I orginally told him to ask her for me. I wasnt really sure if he did or not so I decided to email her. Now she is here dont want to see me because her words from him"she only wants to work on things with me not get to know any of my exes". Now me and him barely talk because she is jealous of other chicks calling and txting him. Im upset because I feel that if both me and her are his exes then there should be no beef. But with I feel I have going for me is the part that we have sex. Should I be jealous? And should he not talk to me around her out of respect for both of us? At times I feel he only wants to hide that we still talk and there is more going on with him and her. But its hard to know whats really what cause he just moved back to the town with me from the town he was in with her. Whats a girl to do??? Plus we are REALLY great friends even with sex not happening. Please help.

4 Replies

... on Oct 29, 2009 @ 10:17 am

Honestly, I think that a "friends-with-benefits" relationship does not automatically entitle you to exclusivity. If you are exclusive, that is an actual relationship in my book.

If you are jealous, you need to have a sit-down with your bed buddy. You need to decide if this is going somewhere or not, and if not you should end things or decide that you're okay with him seeing others.

As far as his other ex-gf is concerned, she probably is suspicious of your motives. Asking your ex-bf to be the middle man is involving him and will complicate everything. Either you want to be friends with this girl or you want to find out more about their relationship. You should be up front with her, or leave her be. What do you truly hope to accomplish by speaking with her?

If you want to salvage your friendship with your ex, you might have to consider ending the sexual part of your relationship. We've talked about FWB before here on ChickAdvisor, and the general consensus seems to be that these relationships are usually very tricky to maintain without someone getting hurt in the end.

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh; that's not my intent. This is why I could never have a FWB arrangement! Best of luck to you :)

Ali de Bold
What are you doing? on Oct 29, 2009 @ 02:14 pm

Chickie, I feel for you. I really do. But it sounds to me like you are both being played, don't you think?

Instead of analyzing her motives and his motives can you just wash your hands of the whole thing and end it? Wouldn't you prefer a relationship with someone who wants to be with you 100% instead of just the sex?

If he's having sex with you on the side and she doesn't know it, he's probably sleeping with her too and you don't know it.

There are plenty of great single guys in the world without all of the extra complications.

yep yep... on Oct 29, 2009 @ 04:23 pm

I echo mamaluv and misschickie on this one.

Holding on on Oct 29, 2009 @ 06:45 pm

First I want to say thanks for even replying.It seems like you hit it right on the head. i do not want to befriend his ex I did think making her feel comfortable I would be able to find out if they have been intimate as well cause that would be the breaker for me. The point of us being FWB was to be completely open with everything which we had a problem doing while in a relationship. I am extremely jealous of her and have spoken with him about it. I think he sides with her to often example he goes straight to the house while she is in town when normally he would come by to get me or ask to spend time with me. Im gonna try to play his game and go out with a friend tonight to try and get my mind off him. I told him already and he is jealous but trying to act cool about it at least for now. We will see where this go. We both just got out of a relationship and tend to run to one another for that support. I kinda want him as my own but want his friendship much more. But the sex is sooo great! I will keep you updated thanks again

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