Why do i need there approval

on May 12, 2010 @ 11:44 am

i always believed that i am ugly and really fat and that no guy would ever want me. I am very very very self conscious and i criticize every little thing i do and over analyse every move i make. as a child i was bigger and was teased by a boy in my 9th grade class he said "you know you're fat!" and it killed me and i cried about it even though i just laughed it off at the time. i still think about that one incident all the time and it makes me want to spend hours at the gym, even though the guy hit on me in grade 12 n wanted to get with me after high school i still can't forget what he said to me. No matter how many guys hit on me or ask me out i always feel like they just doing it to make fun of me or as a joke. I also feel like i alway need to get complement by guys and if i don't i feel like i look like trash and look hideous. My bf hates that i have guys asking for my number or stopping there cars to talk to me or look at me but i feel like if they don't i feel depressed... i don't know why i feel like i need there attention or there approval.

6 Replies

why on May 12, 2010 @ 01:14 pm

oh I had the some problem too. I have learned that it shouldn't matter what other guys or girls think of you. If you are happy with the way you look and who you are then thats good enough. Also if you have a bf who likes/loves you for who you are then why care what other guys think? you should be happy with just one guy who likes/loves you.

more to it on May 12, 2010 @ 01:17 pm

I think your self-image problems go deeper and you may need to seek counseling to resolve them.

Was it just the kids at school that were responsible for your confidence problems? Or is there more going on, perhaps at home? Even if it's "just" mean kids' comments, that can take a serious toll on a person and you might need professional help to overcome it. I'd even go so far as to suggest you don't wait. You've obviously been struggling for a long time and it sounds like you've hit a roadblock with your comeback. You may be depressed, medically speaking, so a doctor or counselor can help you there as well.

So sorry to hear you're having problems! Best of luck to you!

agreed on May 12, 2010 @ 01:28 pm

I'm sure that a lot of girls/teens have issues with their self-esteem at some point and it is very common to want reassurance from guys. However, I think Mamaluv makes a good point in your case. If nothing seems to be making you feel better about yourself, maybe you need to talk it out with a professional who can over sound advice and cater to your specific needs.

Confidence is everthing :) on May 12, 2010 @ 11:56 pm

Well, I'm a teen right now, and I'm kinda like that too. But, the thing
is confidence. Have you ever thought that the grade 9 guy was
complimenting you? These days, people "diss" you as a conversation
starter. So maybe, it was his way of trying to go out with you? And as
long as your boyfriend gives you attention, nothing else matters, right?
Or maybe you can talk it over your bf.

Definitely! on May 13, 2010 @ 12:07 pm

I recommend you read the book "Do I Look Fat in This?"
It's about a woman who was totally obsessed with her looks all the time, always afraid of what people were thinking about it.
The slogan says "Get over your body and on with your life", I'm reading it right now and it's really really good :)

And about your boyfriend being mad, I definitely think he has the right to. Like Mamaluv said, there's obviously there's deeper issues, like self-esteem problems, but in order to work through it you're going to need a big change of heart and mind, either by reading self-help books like the one I mentioned, or some counselling at your school. Almost every school has professionals that help students with their problems such as this, and it's free.


Issues like this....... on May 17, 2010 @ 06:29 pm

can lead to a girl/woman looking for approval and going as far as becoming what some people would term 'promiscuous'. What they, and they person it's happening to, don't realize is that the girl/woman going through this feels that this is the only way to get the approval they're looking for. It can become a dangerous situation, which could lead to getting STDs, infections, and even HIV. Self esteem problems like this can also turn into alcoholism, drug abuse, etc. Just another way of coping with the pain. It doesnt make the person 'bad', it just makes life even more difficult for them to deal with.

Definitely get yourself some help dealing with this. And explain to your bf why this is going on with you. If he understands, he might be a little more likely to NOT get angry and deal with it in a more constructive manner. Him getting angry does not help the situation any. It just feeds it.

Other than traditional 'counseling', there are also other ways to go about healing yourself psychologically. Aboriginal healers are incredibly good at quite literally putting a person back together, because they deal with all aspects of a person that may have been damaged. Mind, body, spirit. I've gone this route before myself, and it DOES help. In my case, it helped a great deal more than traditional counseling. There are also aboriginal healing centers/clinics/counseling centers. Many, as far as I know, accept people who are not aboriginal themselves. I'm not, but they still accepted me for counseling sessions. It might be worth checking out.

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