When do you gloat about your birthday? aka The number countdown to the big day

on Feb 20, 2015 @ 04:57 am

I recently had a birthday on Feb 17th.  Yes, I'm an Aquarius.  My birthday is about a month and a half after Christmas.  A month and a bit after New Years and a few days before Valentine's Day.  I don't want to be obnoxious about my birthday.  Do I need to be in order for people to know in advance?!.  I'm too shy to say so yet I'm being too modest to say Me!(birthday) Me!(birthday) Me!(birthday).  I drop subtle hints like: I'm coming into town and it's a double birthday(mine and my dad's-yes, we're both Aquarius).  I know Facebook mentions it on the day of.  Should I gloat about it and for how long?   Recently, my partner really disappointed me on my birthday.  No birthday card, no birthday cake with candle, and no birthday presents.  I did things for myself on my birthday but that was ME!  He just didn't do anything.  No singing or planning or surprising me with anything.  He brags about being cheap but this really hurt my feelings a lot.  One lousy boyfriend bought me A BEER for my birthday(that was it!) and spilled half of it on my jacket.   I usually have the birthday blues plus a Valentine's Day depression around my birthday week.  Even though I have a partner, I felt very single and alone this particular year.  What a crap way to start this birthday off!  Should I break up with him after 2 years?  Is this an indication that some men are cheap and stupid and don't validate their women esp. when they are there for them regardless.  Or that will not change and should I expect nothing from him on my birthday?!  I don't like this at all!  This is a jerk move on him!  I suggested things/ideas and he still didn't listen to what I had to say.  I am really angry about this!  Can anyone relate to this as well?           

6 Replies

Find A New Boyfriend on Feb 20, 2015 @ 01:03 pm

If my bf was as thoughtless and insensitive as that, he'd be a memory. My self-worth is worth more.

it depends on Feb 20, 2015 @ 03:01 pm

It sounds to me like you're upset with him for other reasons as well. If it was just being a boob about your birthday, that would not necessarily be a deal-breaker for me (though it would CERTAINLY be a topic for discussion!).

I think you need to evaluate your relationship on its own merits and leave the birthday thing out of it. Is he generally lacking in the 'doting' department? If so, is he trying to make up for it in another area? Remember: we all give and receive love differently. If he grew up in a household where gifts were not a big deal (or maybe they couldn't afford) and that family chooses to express love in another way (e.g. giving compliments), you should recognize this.

Maybe "his kind of love" isn't enough for you. There's no shame in acknowledging this. If gifts are a huge deal for you and he can't or won't break out of his comfort zone to reach you in this way, then that's a red flag.

Are you familiar with the "Love Languages" concept? It outlines (in broad strokes perhaps) the idea that we all speak a primary love language, and that is how we give and receive love. In no particular order:

1) Touch. You enjoy cuddling, giving and receiving massages, sex, kissing, etc. Talking is not necessary, just close contact.

2) Words of Affirmation. You glow when you receive a compliment, and make a point of complimenting others.

3) Acts of Service. Nothing makes you feel more special than when you receive breakfast in bed, or your husband has cleaned the house without being asked. Likewise, you love to surprise him by making his favourite dinner on a random day when he's least expecting it.

4) Gifts. You look forward to receiving birthday and Christmas presents as a token of someone's love. You also make a point of putting much thought into gifts for others. It's not about budget, it's about effort.

5) Quality Time. Taking time out of a busy day to just sit and talk is important to you. Leave the chores for another day and prioritize your together time instead.

For the most part, we all need ALL of these things (and we usually give all of them too). However, you are probably dominant in one or maybe two of them. If you are not receiving love in that dominant language, you do not feel loved. Your partner may be giving you love in another language but it's all greek to you. Get it?

My point is, decide if this particular situation is just an annoyance, or rather a symptom of a dying relationship. You know deep down which one it is.

Good luck!

birthday on Feb 20, 2015 @ 06:51 pm

It's so funny you wrote this article because today is my 46th birthday! I didn't even get a card from my Mom. I've been to the doctor today and get groceries. The rest of the day, I've been by myself. I usually dread my birthday. My hubby got me chocolates n money for Valentine's Day but nothing for my bday, which is okay cause money is tight this week. I bought my own birthday cake. He usually does. It sounds as if your boyfriend is extremely cheap, you might consider moving on, if he hasn't improved in 2 yrs. That's just my opinion. As for me, I wish you a Happy Belated Birthday and many more to come. Mamaluv's advice is very helpful and so is fredamans. My best wishes to you and good luck! Happy Birthday!!!!

Happy Birthday on Feb 22, 2015 @ 01:09 am

If his behaviour is temporary and rare, I would reflect as to whether there was anything going on that particular day that would have affected him acknowledging your birthday. Was there a stressful event at work that he was worried about or maybe he wasn't feeling his best?

Or, is this a recurring behaviour? Does he ignore most important dates and celebrations in your life? Either way, it's something you should both discuss in order to get to the root of the problem.

It's okay to want others to know it's your birthday, but if your happiness on that day depends solely on what others do for you, you may be disappointed. Look to yourself first when it comes to being treated to something special that day. Book an appointment at the hair/nail salon to pamper yourself, go for a walk and reflect on the wonderful things you've accomplished the past years of your life, or buy yourself a little gift. Although it's always nice to have friends and family spoil you, once we learn that our own acknowledgement of that day is enough to feel special, we'll be more satisfied.

Happy belated Birthday!


Thank you for the post-birthday feedback! on Feb 22, 2015 @ 05:48 am

I realize that it's nice to received birthday well wishes. I'm not relying on it yet sometimes a hint is good. Believe me, people usually say why didn't you say anything or I didn't know. I feel silly either way. Birthdays are bittersweet. My family doesn't show off and that's affected me. I know now that my partner has his own issues and has his own unhappy memories. He was with me when my family did a birthday lunch for me with birthday cupcakes. He totally blocked it out as a result. Hello?

Trust me, every year I do pamper myself. This year it was a makeover at Sephora. He even picked me up after the makeover, too. I do buy myself a birthday gift or two. I learned awhile ago that I need to treat myself. I went to the AGO on Valentine's Day with a friend and saw the Jean-Michel Basquiat exhibit. It was amazing and a huge highlight for me as an art fan. I bought art books, a t-shirt, postcards from it. All money that I saved. I knew that it was worth it. I am worth it!

I felt very disappointed by my partner because he always talks about world change and doing great for the world. Meanwhile, he was so blinded by his own ego that he forgot about the important person in his life-me! He can talk the talk but not walk the walk. It was very hypocritical of him. It has made me wonder where our relationship is going. Christmas and Valentine's Day, we exchanged gifts. It's about the thought and the personal touches behind it. My birthday, I figured he would have planned something or have listened to some of my ideas but that failed. I do feel we are on different wavelengths. He does cook and he does do some chores. He is an attention seeker. An over-achiever as a kid. His hearing is deteriorating and that bothers me because I'm wondering what is he tuning into and what is he not hearing from me. He is only a couple of years older than me yet he is aging faster within his body. Maybe, this is a red flag and it don't want to ignore it.

Thank you ladies for your responses. This birthday has challenged more than I expected.

Good luck! on Feb 23, 2015 @ 10:55 am

That's right! You are worth it, and I'm so glad you recognize that!! I wish you the best of luck in your situation and hopefully by communicating more with each other, you can figure out how to move ahead with this. At least your birthday opened your eyes to issues that need to be dealt with in your relationship, and sometimes, that's a good thing. It helps you move forward and tackle the areas that need more attention. Good luck!

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