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How do u get out of a rut?


My boyfriend and I are in a bit of a rut with sex. It's the same every time. I know he would like to try new things but when it comes down to it I can't be bothered. I just don't get excited by foreplay and would rather just do the deed. Anyone else have this problem and what do you do to get out of the rut?
Sep 16, 2008 @ 11:27 am

4 Replies



i actually did have this problem and posted it here too.i think the problem lies in the fact that we are both 'not bothered' about trying out new things.so i did eventually and it helped me 'feel' it again...i suppose routine is boring no?
Sep 16, 2008 @ 02:28 pm

red flag

Um, this part here really caught my eye.

"he would like to try new things but when it comes down to it I can't be bothered"

To me, there is a bigger problem there. If you're not on the same page in bed, are you sure you're on the same page in your relationship? Just think about it.
Sep 16, 2008 @ 03:42 pm

a few ideas...

- Start writing sexy emails to each other. It's the best foreplay.

- Change the scenery. Book a getaway, even if it's just a hotel room in
your own town. Try doing it in the car. A change room. Whatever.

- If you can't be bothered, try the "fake it till ya make it" method.
You might initially be uninterested, but warm up to it once you get

- Go to the doctor and make sure you don't have a hormone problem
that's killing your libido. Your birth control may also be causing it.
Think about trying a different one.

- Things always cool down after being in a relationship for a while.
Don't expect it to be effortless like it was at the beginning. If you
want it to work, you have to start putting some "work" into it in order
to get the rewards.

- There's nothing wrong with "just doing the deed" once in a while.
Allow yourself to have quickies once in a while without feeling guilty.
This will take some pressure off, and when you do feel like doing the
extended play, it won't feel forced.

- Are you getting what you want? You mention he wants to try new
things, but what do YOU want to try? Take some time to think about this
and explore yourself and your desires instead of focusing on what he
wants so much. You'll start to resent him if it's all about him.

- Google "Dan Savage" and read this week's column about finding a happy
medium when your sex drives are different. I'm sure there's lots of
other advice on this topic in his archives.

Good luck!!!
Sep 28, 2008 @ 04:29 pm

do it anyways

A relationship is about compromise. If you dont like to do it, do it anyways, and have a good attitude about it. Then when its your turn, he'll do it the way you like to do it with a smile on his face (or at least he should, otherwise he's being an asshole...). That's the way me and my girl do it, cause sometimes she doesnt feel up to it and sometimes I dont, but we both make compromises, and it works.
Oct 14, 2008 @ 02:40 am

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