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BOOK CLUB: Which character can you relate to and why?


One of the reasons why I’ll Have Who She’s Having is such a fun book to read is because of all the diverse characters. The best part is that we can relate to at least one them – even Larry the liquor man (hey, we’re not judging!)! Personally, I’ve grown to like Kelly because she seems like the least superficial out of the bunch. Like Kelly, I hardly let my guard down because I always feel like I need to impress everyone. I also see myself feeling insecure sometimes – who hasn’t?!!

Which character can you most relate to? Why do you think so?
Apr 26, 2009 @ 12:52 am

16 Replies



Kelly was my favourite because I also have a young baby, currently at home (on mat leave) and I often have the same struggles/feelings as she does. Staying at home with the baby isn't an easy job and I often feel like my husband isn't doing enough to help out. Also, we have very similar personalities, down to earth, friendly, easy-going. I can relate to her a 100%.

What I thought was really wonderful about this book how we can see each characters' point of views in first person form. So it's like you are getting into each person's mind and that makes their character more believable. I particularly enjoyed the storyline between Kelly and Jeremy. I know my husband feels like he's always on thin ice with me (b/c he told me) but somehow reading it from Jeremy's point of view makes it more real. After reading this book, I am trying to be more patient and understanding with him.
Apr 26, 2009 @ 07:07 am

in a way, all of them

I see facets of my personality in many of the characters (well, except for Coach Tim - but I don't want to spoil the plot for those of you who haven't finished the book yet).

Kate - she's desperate for attention and has lower self esteem than you initially presume. I like that she's willing to take the initiative and try to win what she wants, even if she takes it to a ridiculous level. I'm normally too timid and will simply accept what life dishes up. I want to be more aggressive to claim my future, instead of simply letting it happen to me.

Kelly - I really identify with her situation, as much as I was frustrated by her. "Come on already!" I found myself shouting at the page. I share her naivete about people - I really can't read 'em - and am more likely to search for the good. I understand her desire to fit in with the popular crowd, as much as I rolled my eyes about it. I guess she reminds me a little too much of myself, and I found that to be a little uncomfortable :)

Jeremy and Mark - I really like reading the book from everyone's perspectives, and while I wished that these two would grow a pair, I felt a connection to their confusion and frustration with being in love and watching their ladies trample all over them.

See? I can't decide...
Apr 26, 2009 @ 07:54 am


I guess I could end up being like Kate if I was hitting 30-something and still looking for a man, especially if you have a sister who's having the good life and a mother judging you in every way. I just can't see myself going to the extent as she does!

Although I'm not married yet, I can see a lot of myself in Kelly. From the outside, she seems pretty solid and grounded, but she's pretty much vulnerable like anyone else. Her behaviour seems the most natural for any person who's dealing with a new born, frustrating husband and lack of social life - mid life crisis???

Its interesting to see that both Kelly and Kate who are essentially wanting the other's life have problems in their own way. Whats life without a little drama!
Apr 26, 2009 @ 09:58 am
Fabulously Broke

I felt totally disconnected with the book

I couldn't identify with either characters, except maybe Sol because she seemed the most together of all the characters in the book.

If I really had to pick one, probably Kelly. But they weren't relatable whatsoever.
Apr 26, 2009 @ 11:12 am

I'd be Kate

I guess I would be most like Kate out of all of them. I don't have a
cool job, and I was never popular... I was definitely more Kelly in
school... but now I'm 30 and single and I do have a married younger
sister who is sending me personals ads from craigslist (lol) so that I
can settle down and have kids. I can also be a bit superficial and
snobby, and get into low moods like Kate. I have not taken it to her
level, with the movies and chinese food and grey goose or stalking lol,
but I definitely saw a lot of myself in her. Although I've felt like
Sol at times too, when my good friends are fighting and being drama
queens.Despite that fact that I was always kinda unpopular like Kelly,
and have joined groups and classes to meet new people, I didn't
otherwise identify with her much, although I liked her.
Apr 26, 2009 @ 11:38 am


If I had to choose a character in relation to myself, I'd have to elect Kelly. She tries to be the perfect everything for everyone, and doesn't grow as a person until she is given an opportunity to chase something for herself. I think a certain level of selfishness is healthy, and normal, for everyone, and I came to this conclusion myself fairly recently.

Tim isn't the perfect catalyst for this lifechanging event, obviously, but he's her turning point, and so the jerk serves a purpose, after all :)

All that being said, I thought both sisters were developmentally stunted, slightly, bringing to mind young women ten years their junior. I'm not sure whether this was an intentional characteristic or not, but I found it slightly off-putting and inaccurate representation of women today of 30 .

Apr 26, 2009 @ 12:27 pm


@elizamv really? i'm 30 and a lot of the women i know are my age, give or take a couple yrs, and the depictions seemed pretty right on. it could be because i live in a bigish city (SF) and i think people in cities (even ones who are married or with kids) tend to mature less quickly than people not in cities (judging my my sister, who lives in NH). i guess it just depends on your group of people you know.
Apr 26, 2009 @ 01:20 pm

good question....

SOL is me hands down! I say what I mean but am not obnoxious about it :) I guess I could also go with a fusion of both Kate and Kelly (married, but no baby and occasionally mood swings, love gray goose martinis!)

I agree with ya merri....I felt like the depictions were pretty dead on....sometimes i would read a bit and then say to myself....'that's exactly what i think!' i am glad the authors were able to put it into words ;)
Apr 26, 2009 @ 02:27 pm


That's probably exactly it. I live in the 3rd largest "city" in Maine, where we're deemed a city but could never compare with any of the biggest ones in the nation. Here, it's more that anyone over 25 generally has their stuff together and is settling down or actively looking with little muss and fuss. Then again, social circles and lifestyles make a HUGE impact, I think, on how any one facet of society behaves, so I'm sure those variables play a large part too. Funny, I never even though about how they could all make a difference. Huh.
Apr 26, 2009 @ 04:05 pm

multiple personalities anyone? :-)

I know for a fact that those who know me see me as Sol - the most 'put together', confident, independant one in the group. I'm always the one my girlfriends (and their man's) go to when in trouble, or need for advise.

I see myself as Kate (minus some parts, which I'll talk about in a bit), and because I see myself as her, and I abhor the thought that anyone will think that I'm incomplete, or needy or lonely in any way or *shudder* "need a man", I strive so hard to not be her, that I end up coming across as Sol.... does that make any sense? :)

I'm confident about myself when it comes to my work, and school. I am independant; I can take care of myself, and others too if it comes to that. However, there's still a part of me that would like to be....with someone. I guess single life tends to get lonely when everyone around you is part of a pair. Unlike Kate though who from the book tends to go after any cute guy, even though I do get a bit lonely (sometimes more than a bit), I'm so deathly scared of chosing the wrong person, that I find every excuse to reject a potential guy (he's too white, too dark, nose is too big, eyes are too small, has a wierd voice, doesn't say my name sexily (lol), and the list goes on!). I guess when it comes to finding a partner, I'm my own enemy.

I can see a lot of me in Kelly too - I am such a people pleaser! I'm not at all confrontational, I never talk back, I don't defend myself, I'm so easy going that I've been told that I'm too easy going. I hide my anger or frustration, my goal in life for some reason is to have everyone I know like me and think well of me.

Although I've been told that I'm a natural flirt when I want to be, which is often because, if I want to psycho-analyze myself, flirting keeps guys at bay and keeps things from getting "real" and serious, I would never go to the extends Kate goes to (I won't say more at the risk of ruining the book for those who've not finished it yet!). I'm not snobby like her, but I find myself looking at random people on the street and doing a mental check list of what I would do to make them look even better (hair should be a shade darker and ash tone to take away from the oily skin tone / a shade lighter to make her look younger, makeup - too much purple / orange / pink, too much / too little blush, etc ...) you get the picture, right? I hope thats not too wierd...lol

I guess I can see me in all of them...
Apr 26, 2009 @ 09:08 pm

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