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Bridal Shower Presents


Hey, ladies.  I have two questions for you.  

I was invited to a bridal shower that I am unable to attend.  Do I still send a present?  The bride is my boyfriend's best friends fiance so we are not exactly close.  On the other hand, she is trying to get me a job at her work.

Question #2:

I am a bridesmaid for my brother's wedding and his fiance is having 2 bridal showers and I will be there for both.  Do I buy presents for both?

Aug 08, 2011 @ 11:06 am

3 Replies



This is one of those situations that can vary greatly depending on where you're from. I don't necessarily mean which culture or city - I mean the "rules" that many people have grown up with that determine what's expected in these kinds of situations.

Some people would say "Do what you would normally do in another situation", while others would advise you do what would be expected of you by the recipient. For right or for wrong, a bridal shower/wedding is the bride's domain, and often we err on the side of making sure she (the bride) is happy and satisfied with how things happen rather than what we personally might feel is the right course of action.

blah blah blah. The bottom line is, giving gifts in all 3 instances would be happily received. So what we're talking about is if you must give all 3 times.

For Question #1, were you raised to give a birthday gift to every kid whose birthday party you were invited to, even if you couldn't attend? If so, then yes - you probably should give something in this case. It could be something smaller, not as elaborate as whatever you'd give if you were attending.

For Question #2, strictly speaking if you are going to both showers, you should be gifting at both too. This is something the bride/groom really should clarify with their attendants, and something that if you feel comfortable, you should raise with them.

Attendants typically shell out for all shower gifts, bachelor/ette party arrangements, wedding gifts AND their wedding day outfits/hair/shoes/etc. This is a crapload of money, obviously. I think it's completely reasonable for you to say "listen, I want to make your experience (engagement & wedding) special, but I am a little under the gun budget-wise. Would you be okay with me only giving one shower gift and/or combining with the wedding gift I'm planning for you in view of the other expenses I'll have to cover?"

Remember, even if the bride/groom are participating in the paying of their wedding, they'll be getting lots of money as gifts too. You won't.

Have a talk with them just to make sure no feathers are ruffled. Unless they are complete bride- and groomzillas, they will be very understanding and gladly let you off the hook.

Even if you're wealthy, this conversation probably still should take place. Let us know how this turns out! It's a great question and one we could all benefit from hearing your experience on.
Aug 08, 2011 @ 11:45 am

Claire basically said it all...

Unless if you are tight for money that is. In which case, maybe not buying a present could be a way of pinching a few pennies?
Aug 09, 2011 @ 04:46 pm

Manners are underrated!

I think that this depends on whether or not you are a stickler for manners. Personally, I think being nice and courteous is very important. So, in this case, I think that you should definitely buy her something, especially since she is doing you a favour. It doesn't have to be something big but a gesture of appreciation would be good.

Also- @mamaluv is right, technically you should. I would just go in and buy one large present though instead of two presents. You're a bridesmaid so there will be costs on your side (i.e. dress), I am assuming. As well, this will also cost you your time and effort in helping plan etc. So they shouldn't expect so much of you.
Aug 10, 2011 @ 09:47 am

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