Destination wedding - what would you do


Okay so here's my question with a very simplified story.

My brother in law is getting married next year at a destination wedding. This would cost my family almost $10,000 to go to it due to where they've chosen to go.

1 - My husband and I have never had a desire to go to this destination
2- my brother in law has not invited us to many things and have not acknowledged our children all that much or find things we do - not really worthy to acknowledge or leave to last minute to decide if they can come.
3-we surely can't afford such a vacation. We've never been on a family vacation out of the country and like I said this place isn't even on our list of places we would even want to go to.

So my question is
Would you go to the wedding because it is your sibling or brother/sister inlaw?
If you decided not to go would you still provide a gift?
If you did go, would you provide a gift?
Also- there hasn't been a formal invitation sent out. Just the information regarding the destination and expenses and the travel agent to call.
I don't know if we will get an invitation as we haven't paid for the trip and the dead line for this "$10,000" deal is now exp. so we would have to pay even more now. Should we tell them right our intentions are to not go?
Hopefully this wasn't confusing and I can get some food replies :)
May 25, 2016 @ 09:31 pm

12 Replies



If it is not something you can afford and don't want to go, don't feel like you need to!! I wouldn't feel guilty not going at all, especially if said brother in law hasn't acknowledged you or your children often.
May 25, 2016 @ 09:54 pm


Let's put the fact that your brother in law does not acknowledge your family events, kids and etc aside.

10,000 dollars is a lot money to spend. It was your brother in law and his finace's decision to have a destination wedding. Hence, they already know, not everyone could make it. I believe he would understand if your family can't make it. I do, however think you and your husband shouold let him know ASAP, as your husband is still his brother. All you have to tell him it is due to financial reasons.

I myself wanted a destination wedding. It was important to my family and husband's family that everyone could make it. So we decided to have a local wedding. Everyone who has a destination wedding already knows that not everyone could afford to go and would most likely be understanding if you couldn't make it due to financial reasons.

After that being said, because he is your husband's brother, I would still give him a gift. That way he won't feel too bad either, because you still acknowledged his special day. It takes the tension away from the issues. (for future purposes) Yes, definitely get him a gift.

If you are planning on attending the wedding, than it is generally not require to bring a gift. (if it's destination) At that point all that counts is that you are there to celebrate. I hope that helps, all the best to you :)
May 25, 2016 @ 11:16 pm

Great advise

Thank you for your input.
We do have a decent relationship with them. Perhaps not as good as we would like it to be. I feel my husbands family will frown upon us for not attending. But the truth is, it's just not a financial option. The reason it will cost us 10k is because we have 4 kids and we refuse to leave them for a week.
As I mentioned the actual invitations have not been you would still asvise them you can't go?
Nobody has brought up the wedding in any conversations ... So I'm not even sure who is going and who isn't.
Thanks again for your input!!
May 25, 2016 @ 11:26 pm


Even if the invitations is not sent out yet, you and your husband already know you will be invited. Sometimes it is better to take the high road and just let him know that it means a lot to you and your family to share his special day but it is just not possible due to financial reasons. He will understand, maybe disappointed at first, but he will understand. The sooner you let him know the better it is for you and your husband. (a lot of weight will drop off your shoulders)
The best person to let him know would probably be your husband because they are brothers. :)
May 25, 2016 @ 11:34 pm


His family won't frown upon you guys. Even if they do, you have a much higher priority, your kids to support. :)
May 25, 2016 @ 11:36 pm


Too bad you didn't have more notice to plan/borrow. Rather than put myself in the poor house, i'd explain to my brother how much I love him but just can't put out that much.After all, it is one day and I'm sure he knows you love him every day, whether you are with him or not.
May 25, 2016 @ 11:45 pm

Thank you

Thanks everyone for such great advice. It all makes sense and these were a lot of the things going through my mind. Glad to hear the way we are going to respond is the same way a lot of ppl would.
I'd be crushed if someone couldn't make it to my wedding but I wouldn't let it ruin the relationship. A big part of me is worried it is going to cause havoc. But by the sounds of it ... If they have a heart they would understand our dilemma.
U guys are awesome! Thanks!!
May 25, 2016 @ 11:57 pm


If by chance, it does cause disharmony, how would you feel if your husband went alone in support of his brother? Could that be an option for you? That way, you'll be spending much less and at least your husband can be at his brother's wedding. If not, then I agree with what was already mentioned. Think about your family's needs first and if it's not possible, you can always have a little family get together celebration when they return home, to at least acknowledge their union and present them with any gifts.

May 26, 2016 @ 12:32 am


That was a thought but still him alone would be $4000 to go. As the more u book for the vacation the cheaper. Plus that would mean take a week off work and me alone with 4 kids. Eeeek.
Thank you :)
May 26, 2016 @ 12:41 am
Sandra Ribeiro

destination wedding

Tell them you can't afford it financially and give them a nice gift when they return.
You have to think of your family first.
Dec 18, 2016 @ 01:40 pm

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