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Domestic violence I’m lost


right now I’m going through a rough patch. A little while ago me and my husband had a fight. Honestly I don’t remember how it started but then he started being annoying about my work. Then I said something rude. And he kept yelling at me to say sorry. I wouldn’t and he kept bothering me all angry and then he chocked me. Later he cried to me kissed my feet and said he would never do it again... and I forgave him. It took a few days to go back to normal. Then a couple days ago we had a fight again. It started with me getting moody over him not watching a movie I like. Which is my fault. Then he was going to work and we have thing where I stand at the door and say bye. I wouldn’t get up. So he screamed I got up. Then I started talking back. Him too. Back and forth. Until I said “can you leave cause I’m tired of looking at ur face” he decided to stay to bother me more I went to the bed room and he said “no, I’m sitting in the living room and I want u to look at my face since it bothers u” I wouldn’t go. So he kept pulling and then carried and threw me on the couch. I then got pretty angry and called him a bitch. That’s when he got so angry and kept yelling at me to say sorry and I wouldn’t.  He went to choke me. But he stopped. And I kept pushing him away from me while he was still yelling at me to say sorry. And then he took my head and smashed his forehead against mine. Really really bad. Me trying to brace I pushed him back and said I’ve seen worse. He slapped me across the face. Again I repeated I’ve seen worse and he slapped me for the second time. His sister came and stopped him and I ran to the bedroom (we’re currently staying at my in laws) and he left to work. We’ve been distant for awhile and both apologized but today in the morning he woke me kissing me trying to show love and then I said I can’t. Cause I can’t feel it. Before he went to work. He said I’ll never hit you but you need to show me respect and that will never happen again. I told no. No matter what happens you shouldn’t hit or I’ll leave you. He said ok. I’ll change. I told him I still don’t love you but it’s hard to leave. I agreed to be more respectful. And he agreed to never hit. I’m gonna stay but I’m drawn between I’m stupid if I stay. And no way I can leave. Please give me opinions 
Nov 28, 2018 @ 04:50 pm

2 Replies



There is nothing you can ever say to someone that makes hitting or choking an acceptable response.

Lots of people say dumb things when they fight, but violence is not normal. This is a toxic, dangerous situation. Find a way to leave and do it now.

This will happen again and if you stay, this is what your life will be like. I'm not sure if you have kids or not but imagine exposing them to this situation.

If you can't afford to get your own place go and live with a friend or family member until you can get back on your feet. There are also shelters in every city specifically for women fleeing domestic abuse.

Your life and your happiness depend on the choices you make now.

I am speaking as someone who has been in your exact situation. I look at my life now and am so grateful for where I am now compared to where I was. It takes courage to leave. It is really hard, you will second guess yourself and think if you only behaved differently he would not behave like this but those are lies we tell ourselves to avoid making the tough decisions. Leaving now is the best possible thing you can do for yourself.

Please keep us posted on how you are doing.
Nov 29, 2018 @ 02:22 pm

It is not your fault

As the poster above noted, there is nothing you could have done to deserve to be hit or choked.

Unfortunately, these situations don't get better on their own and often get worse.

I know that leaving is scary and there are a lot of barriers in the way, but please consider leaving. If you would like to talk to someone for advice about what help is available to you, please call:

The Domestic Violence Helpline

1−800−799−7233 or TTY 1−800−787−3224 (Nationwide in the US)

The Assaulted Women's Hotline in Ontario
1-866-863-0511 or TTY 1-866-863-7868

VictimLinkBC in British Columbia

1-800-563-0808 or call TTY at 604-875-0885; to call collect, please call the Telus Relay Service at 711. Text to 604-836-6381

Family Violence Information Line in Alberta


In Manitoba

1-877-977-0007 or TTY 1-888-987-2829

The Island Helpline in PEI

If you are living in a different area of Canada or in another country and would like a number for that area, I am happy to look for it for you. These are just the numbers I had on hand.

You deserve better.
Dec 03, 2018 @ 09:41 am

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