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where do you draw the line?


Ok, so here is the dilemma, you have been friends with someone for a couple of years and they are getting married and you are invited to the wedding... meanwhile you are in the midst of relocating across the country and are trying to save every penny because you need that money to move. Your friend's bridal party announces that the price tag on the stagette is close to $300 and on top of that there are wedding showers prior to that. Do you opt out because....damn... you just can't afford it or do you suck it up and scrape together every penny to try to attend wedding events? I am torn. I really like this person and want to share with her in her special day(s) but at the same time I feel as though it is financially NOT smart at all to blow close to $600 on a wedding where I am belt tightening everywhere else in my life even when it comes to hanging out with my closer friends before I leave town.... What do you think?
Jun 24, 2008 @ 07:43 pm

11 Replies

Ali de Bold

I said whaaat?

Sorry but $300 for a stagette party is too much to ask. You should always consider your guests when planning any kind of event. I would opt out. Unless you and your friends are all really well off and money is no object you should never expect that kind of cash commitment from your friends.

Just tell the bride honestly you can't swing it right now but that you definitely want to be there for the big day and you'll do your best with anything else that comes up.

She will understand if she is reasonable. I suspect you won't be the only one saying it's too steep. Good luck!
Jun 24, 2008 @ 09:47 pm

Tough situation!

A friend of mine was in a similar situation! She was the Maid of Honor for her best friend of many many years. The bride decided that the bridal party was all required to attend a party in Hawaii or Mexico or some such far off (and expensive) place! My friend really could not afford to take the time off let alone pay for a vacation!! She was upset that the bride would expect that her friends could and would follow her to her fantasy stagette regardless of the cost!

I think it is unreasonable to expect so much under the "but it's MY day" clause! The bride should know where to draw the line! Not ask you to decide where you need to draw it and risk hurting people's feelings!

I agree with MissChickie, reason with her. She will understand. Maybe suggest a smaller, less formal (and less costly) get-together just the two of you and a few friends.

Jun 24, 2008 @ 10:26 pm


How does a stagette cost $300!! I would not break the bank to attend that plus showers plus gifts, etc etc. It is completely unreasonable for the bride/bridal party to expect this from their friends. If I were in your shoes, I would not go. If this person means so much to you, spend one-on-one time like Patricia suggests. A true friend would understand and not be catty about it.
Jun 25, 2008 @ 10:19 am

tee hee!

Yeah the stagette is a spa day/ going out... I thought it was steep, thank goodness other people agree with me! I was scared to bring it up! Yeah I don't think I will be going...too pricey for me. We shall see what kind of buzz I start by not going...hopefully it is not that bad....
Jun 25, 2008 @ 02:18 pm

Holy Moly!!

I can't believe it'd cost you $300 for a stagette!! Mind you, my hubby just went on a weekend bachelor party where he spent close to that amount. But that money included 2 nights stay at a cabin, beer, food, bus rental for their night out in town, casino, etc. Still, if it was me, I wouldn't have spent $300 on a friend's pre-wedding party. Weddings are expensive enough to begin with.

I think it's selfish to expect other people to shell out that kind of money. I totally agree with other people. Just be honest with the bride. Maybe she doesn't expect it at all and the idea came from someone who helped her planned it.

Wow...$300 for 1 day...I still can't get over it!!
Jun 25, 2008 @ 06:02 pm

Of course opt-out

If she is a real friend, then she should be quite considerate of her friends. If that is the case, then she should realize your financial situation and be happy that you just send a gift or something. I wouldn't dig myself into a hole just try to attend my friend's wedding.
Jun 25, 2008 @ 11:11 pm

Completely off topic...

But why are you relocating? And it's to BC right? I think you mentioned that before. If you need help settling into the city, let me know! :D

Back on topic, $600 is quite a big investment for a wedding that's not your own or your family's! I'd just be honest that it's hard to afford at the moment. I'm sure as your friend, the bride will understand if you can't make it to all the events.
Jul 01, 2008 @ 01:25 am


Yet another reason to have freinds who elope! That's crazy! No one should ever expect their friends to spend that much money on them! It is supposed to be about celebrating and hanging with the girls while still single...not making money for your wedding or getting as many gifts out of people...and if you have a dream for some expensive spa day or trip, it should be your dream alone...and not forced upon your friends that make less money or who do not wish to waste precious vacation time on someone else's trip.

I would pass. At our age we know at least 2 people per year who get married/give birth/buy a house...something that all requires a gift or a card. it all adds up. She should be aware that hers isn't the only wedding you will attend in a year.

Wow, talk about bridezilla! Tell her Rachie's wedding is expensive and mor eimportant! And don't worry, mine won't cost anything! I have already planned my elopement ;)
Jul 09, 2008 @ 05:38 pm


She is not being a bridezilla, it is her other friends planning this stuff for her.... anyhoo, it is expensive.

Psychoexgirlfriend, that would be cool, it is going to be a definite transition, that's for sure, I will talk to you more about it in private, not on this forum, maybe I can get MissChickie to pass my info along to you or something!

Thanks for all the feedback ladies! :o)
Jul 11, 2008 @ 10:35 am

So jealous that you are moving to BC

I wish i can move to BC now. Actually the market is so rough right now. Its pretty hard to get an entry level positions in all fields. I just want to take time off and go to vancouver to relax. But i know if i stop now and come back later, i will be less marketable. BC is gorgeous and the food is awesome!!!
Jul 11, 2008 @ 02:17 pm

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