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A bit more


I've been seeing this guy fairly casually for the past 4 months or so. I'd say we see each other on average once every week to two weeks and normally we'll go out to eat or for drinks and then come back to my place where we normally end up making out and sleeping together. In addition to seeing each other once every week or two (normally it's one but occasionally it's two) we talk on MSN, text each other and rarely talk on the phone together (because we're both so busy).

The last time I saw him I told him I wanted a bit more than what we have now but not a fully committed relationship because I don't want that at this time He also said that he doesn't want a fully committed relationship too so it's good that we're on the same page. He asked me what would be "a bit more than what we have now" and the funny thing is, I wasn't and am still not really too sure. So he said once I have a better idea we can talk about it then and I said ok.

I'm wondering if anyone knows what an in between step would be between a casual relationship and a fully committed relationship would be? I know I'd like to see him more than I see him now and be emotionally closer to him than we currently are but I don't want to be in a fully committed relationship anytime soon because there are other things in my life I want to focus on. I don't know if anyone has been in a situation like this or has any insight but if you do please give me your advice.
Jan 11, 2010 @ 12:36 am

3 Replies


More frequent dates

It sounds like you would like to see him more frequently than you are now. After your weekly (or bi-weekly) date, suggest seeing each other again that week. Propose doing something different than what you normally do, such as seeing a movie instead of going out for dinner/drinks.
Jan 11, 2010 @ 10:13 am
Ali de Bold

dangerous territory

I'd be really careful. These are the situations where eventually one of you develops feelings and if not reciprocated, can really hurt. Even though you are both looking for something casual, the fact that you want more says you are moving in that direction. Make sure you realize that spending more time together means you are more likely to develop feelings if you haven't already.
Jan 11, 2010 @ 10:52 am

Reply to All

Thanks for the prompt reply to both of you!

In response to Ali, it started of pretty casual, just in that neither he nor I expected much of each other at first. Now I am moving in the direction of wanting more (like you said) but not a full relationship. So I guess I'm looking for how to move in that direction at a slow pace since I have a lot of other things to deal with.

Thanks a lot for your reply too Juli-Anne. I will try that next time I see him and see what he says. Normally though both his and my schedule is pretty packed with last minute things that we tend to plan last-minute but it doesn't hurt to try.
Jan 11, 2010 @ 02:28 pm

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